Could You Date a Person If...

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by DiscoBoy, Dec 9, 2009.

  1. DiscoBoy

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    …there was little-to-no sexual compatibility? I’m not talking about sexual chemistry per se, as you can have one without the other, but I’m sure they’re in the same vein.

    For example, if you’re a person that’s sexually very dominant/submissive, could you settle for being with someone that wasn’t as sexually submissive/dominant as you’d desire them to be? You’ve got buttloads of chemistry, really get each others’ mojos goin’, but got to settle with having sex in a way that doesn’t completely fulfill you. Your partner’s just not that sexually adventurous, or just as dominant/submissive as you are, but for whatever the reason, they’re just not satisfying your desires and fantasies. Compromise and deal or give ‘em the boot?

    Or, specifically in the case of homosexual couples, you and your partner both prefer the same ‘sexual role’ (excluding vers.-types in this situation). You can compromise and take turns switching between roles, but would it be enough to keep you ultimately happy? With vers.-types, could you settle with being with a person that’s strictly a top or a bottom? Kind of like bisexuals in that sense, choose one but have to forgo the other. Could you stay satiated?

    Or even people with major fetishes (leather, bondage, fur, etc.), can you date people who don’t share the same or aren’t willing to at least fulfill your fetish?

    Basically, how much weight does ‘sexual compatibility’ hold in a relationship [for you]? Can it make or break your relationships? If you choose to stick it out, is it because you believe sexuality is fluid, and your interests may eventually wean and wane so as to reflect those of your partner’s?

    Thread’s open to all genders and sexual orientations. Mostly directed at monogamists (open couples can just bring in a 3rd party to please certain cravings).
     
  2. pussnboots

    pussnboots New Member

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    Wow, this is really an intense question on several levels. First, you say you have the chemistry down, but then you say what if it wasn't fulfilling all you really, really wanted? Is that right?

    If so, I would hesitate at the least -- I mean, really (and it sounds like you are) question yourself. Will this be enough? How long have you been in this relationship? If a long time, then have these thoughts just started to surface and/or because you are feeling unfulfilled? Or is this a new relationship and you are just thinking ahead/long term? Both are good times to re-evaluate. All I can say for advice, and I'm not sure it's advice, -- is, well, really consider what are your 'can't live without' sexual issues, and what are, 'would like, but everything else is so great, I can live without' issues. Maybe make a list.

    I was in a relationship where the sex just wasn't...it. I felt trapped, almost like I was a horrible person for being so unfulfilled sexually -- sex is not a relationship, but boy it makes up some part of it. Our sex drives were completely different. Completely. I had to decide if I could keep sacrificing what I wanted and ultimately needed from the relationship, or could I just simply end it. And yes, we talked and talked, and talked about the sex, or lack of...needless to say, I am much, much more cautious of my needs/wants when I think of my sexuality.

    If it's important, try discussing it, if you have, try deciding what you need and make up some rules for yourself, like, I will not live without....whatever that fetish, thing is.

    good luck
     
  3. DiscoBoy

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    Oh, I’m sorry if it wasn’t clear, but I wasn’t necessarily speaking as if I were currently in this situation :redface:. I’ve yet to be truly faced with this issue, and I just wanted some general opinions from the board on how they would handle/have handled/do handle these kinds of situations (of course, I’m sure it has a lot to do with the individual).

    These are the questions I’ve been pondering from a ‘potential relationship’ point of view. I do consider what you’ve said to be advice, and that, coupled with your personal experience has given me some good insight. It’s food for thought at the very least.:smile:

    This is exactly the kind of thing I was hoping to see posted (not the unfortunate situation, but a personal experience of such a situation), so thanks for sharing that.:smile:

    I’ll be sure to remember this in the future.:wink:

    Once again, thanks for your input.:smile:
     
  4. Principessa

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    NO! Some things cannot be taught. Even if they could, who wants to go through that kind of trouble. :confused:
     
  5. Drifterwood

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  6. D_Tim McGnaw

    D_Tim McGnaw Account Disabled

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    Well apart from a deep seated Topishness most of my sexual arousal comes from the uniqueness of the interaction between me and the person I'm sleeping with. My fetishes are fairly fluid, compatibility is a unique thing, not something I can preordain. But I could have a sexual and romantic relationship with another top, I have in the past actually. It's just a different kind of sexual relationship than I might have with a bottom.

    I've been turned on by things which ordinarily I don't fantasize about because i knew the person I was shagging really got off on whatever thing it was. It's all about the situation, how attracted and turned on I am by the guy, and what exactly he's in to, and how good in the sack he is.

    Mind you if I found I simply didn't enjoy sex with someone for whatever reason I would not be able to continue to have any kind of romantic relationship with them.
     
  7. D_Fiona_Farvel

    D_Fiona_Farvel Account Disabled

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    There has to be sexual compatibility. But, at the same time, I am open to exploring my partner's desires and would want them to be open to exploring mine as well.

    There are some kinks I would not take part in, but would I get into some sub or dom play, wear a leather corset, or strap one on for the right partner? Without a doubt, yes.
     
  8. D_Andreas Sukov

    D_Andreas Sukov Account Disabled

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    yes.
    like Hilaire said, i get off on the different interaction, and theres more to a relationship then sex. if they are as affectionate as i am then im good. that said, i am currently out of a relationship so i would think this way. when im in a relationship, i might think differently
     
  9. rob_just_rob

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    I could date such a woman but not stay with her for long.
     
  10. DiscoBoy

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    Thanks for all the input folks.
     
  11. pussnboots

    pussnboots New Member

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    This is exactly the kind of thing I was hoping to see posted (not the unfortunate situation, but a personal experience of such a situation), so thanks for sharing that.:smile:

    I’ll be sure to remember this in the future.:wink:

    Once again, thanks for your input.:smile:
    [/QUOTE]


    :tongue: You're welcome.
     
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