could you live with being settled for?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by dolfette, Jun 11, 2010.

  1. dolfette

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    if your partner was not really attracted to you,
    they didn't really love you,
    they didn't enjoy sex with you,
    or they were just scared of leaving?

    could you live like that?
    is the most important thing ''keeping'' them,
    or would you rather be alone?
     
  2. kewlkid75

    kewlkid75 Active Member

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    No, i would rather be alone. Who needs that lack of love, intimacy and trust. Heal yourself.
     
  3. B_dxjnorto

    B_dxjnorto New Member

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    Yes, would rather be alone. Sometimes, it's more about living arrangements though. Meaning, you save money by sharing a home or something.
     
  4. Countryguy63

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    I believe at this time, I can honestly say no.

    Unfortunately in my marriage, I did. I had that "married till death, work it out" belief.
     
  5. petite

    petite New Member

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    I'd rather be single and date. I'm not one of these people who hates dating anyway. If my partner wasn't attracted to me, didn't want to have sex with me, or doesn't love me, I know that there are definitely other men who are attracted and want to have sex with me, and there are other men in the world who I know I could love and who would love me.

    I've never been able to leave without trying very hard to work it out first. I know I would have regrets if I didn't try and work it out and I'd think less of myself if I didn't try my best to make it work. When I leave I don't want to look back and realize I made a mistake. I did that once and I learned my lesson.
     
  6. alwaysguessing

    alwaysguessing New Member

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    Fuck no. Life's too short and I have too much to offer to "settle" for some loser. I deserve better than that. Of course I have no issues living alone, financially, socially, emotionally, or otherwise, even for years at a time. But I'm an obnoxious asshole robot that no one would want to emulate. :biggrin1:
     
  7. HiddenLacey

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    NO! I definitely do not want to settle or be settled for, I'm not perfect either. I actually thought it was alittle funny to come home just now and read this thread. My SO said the stupidest most hateful thing he has ever said to me this afternoon. I have learned my lession and wasted way to many years in a relantionship that was never going anywhere from the start. If I didn't live with him I'd be gone right now. I'd rather be alone.
     
  8. dolfette

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    yay my timing!
     
  9. petite

    petite New Member

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    I'm sorry he's been a dufus. He ought to appreciate you more. *hugs*

    Do you wanna chat about it in the Real Ladies Group?
     
  10. HiddenLacey

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    Yep I'll just add it to my other post right quick I can't stay on long.
     
  11. alwaysguessing

    alwaysguessing New Member

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    What did he say? I've said some awful shit that I really regret. It sucks.
     
  12. dolfette

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    we all say no...

    but haven't most of us ended a relationship and had the ex try everything to hold on to us? even though they know you don't want to be with them anymore...
     
  13. rob_just_rob

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    I'm not sure that most people could tell that they were being "settled for".
     
  14. alwaysguessing

    alwaysguessing New Member

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    No. One mutual split where we both realized we weren't happy together. Current I have tried to separate a few times, because the relationship was not healthy overall, but we keep getting back together because we do both love each other.
     
  15. petite

    petite New Member

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    Well, no one has ever broken up with me, not from any LTR that has lasted more than 3 months, so it's always me who is leaving. All but two of them tried to hold on to me.

    One of those two is the man I regret leaving, but he did try to win me back. I wanted him back, too, but during the time that we were apart he became a habitual drug and alcohol abuser and I refused to get back together with him unless he stopped or at least tried to stop. He didn't stop. There is a part of me that blames myself for him using. If I hadn't been an idiot and we just stayed together, he would have never have begun using. He would have never made those friends, and never gotten a whole new lifestyle. I ruined it all.

    The other one didn't try to hold on to me or win me back, but we only dated for 3 months. He was angry at me and seemed to try to make me jealous, but that was impossible because I had begun dating TheBoyfriend and I was the happiest woman on earth.
     
  16. dolfette

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    when people beg you not to leave them,
    they know you don't want to stay.

    when a partner spends more time trying to pull strangers,
    the other must know they're not happy with what they have.
     
  17. alwaysguessing

    alwaysguessing New Member

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    I think most people could so long as they're not in denial. If your partner is not happy with you, I would expect them to unconsciously show it by pointing out your flaws, starting fights, withholding sex, etc. While they might not come right out and say it, the signs should be fairly obvious over a substantial period of time.
     
    #17 alwaysguessing, Jun 11, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2010
  18. rob_just_rob

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    Obviously, some people are less subtle than others.
     
  19. rob_just_rob

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    You'd think so.
     
  20. thetramp

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    or vice versa, haven't we tried to hold on to people of whom we knew they didn't want anymore?

    The thing is, if you flip a coin it can not only land on either of to sides, but on the fringe too, and as wider that fringe gets the greater is the chance.
    Even tho we felt that the partner didn't wanted to be with us any longer full heatedly, we still wanted to be with that part of her that still wanted us, the illusion to turn it around once again was just to real. And the same in the other direction,s even when i felt that i wasn't that into a relationship any longer, part of me still liked her maybe even loved her, and i thought that i could work that out with myself.


    I am an atheist, so i am not that much into theology, but once in a while i like to quote a theologian who articulated something very good, one of them is Reinhold Niebuhr, a american theologian with german roots, he said:
    God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

    We all know that we don't want to be with someone who does not appreciate us any longer, but we sometimes lack the courage to change the relationship as long as we have the power to, we often lack the wisdom to well when we don't have that power anymore, and often lack the serenity to accept that and move on.
     
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