could you live with being settled for?

[alwaysguessing]

If I hadn't been an idiot and we just stayed together, he would have never have begun using. He would have never made those friends, and never gotten a whole new lifestyle. I ruined it all.

Frankly, anyone worth dating should be capable of making the decision to "just say no" to drugs. So there was a random event in his life which prompted a chance encounter with a drug user. If you never left, and it had not happened then, it could just as well have happened later on down the road, perhaps after you were married with children. Talk about everything being ruined. You never had the power to decide his chance encounters or control who he chooses to associate with. And you weren't going to stop him from taking drugs either. If he made it to adulthood without being able to make that decision for himself, then there would have never been any getting through to him. Let it go.

 

[Embrace69]

I've been in a relationship like this. I'm having issues with the whole "settling" aspect of my life right now. It doesn't feel good to be settled for and it doesn't feel good to settle. '

Make yourself happy and do what's right for you. That's all I can say at this point with out going into more detail than I want to.

 

[wallyj84]

I would love it if a woman would to settle for me. Sure it's not love or anything, but it's more than what I have now.

 

[alwaysguessing]

You'd think so.

Have your experiences shown you otherwise?

 

[alwaysguessing]

I would love it if a woman would to settle for me. Sure it's not love or anything, but it's more than what I have now.

Your contributions to this board are fucking depressing.

 

[wallyj84]

Your contributions to this board are fucking depressing.

Sorry. I'm just being honest.

 

[alwaysguessing]

I'm just being honest.

That's exactly what I'm afraid of.

Don't be sorry, man. Just get out there and do something worthwhile, FFS. You seem like a good guy who doesn't deserve to be miserable. It's not right.

 

[thetramp]

you still seem to be depressed and lost in self-pity and inferiority complexes, and i would like to encourage you to get some help in form of a counsellor or therapist, but i know that it is not an easy step and that a post like this likely will not help you.

 

[beachbum1971]

I tried doing the "til death do us part" thing, and was good in the beginning, but then after years of being not only taken for granted but then being berated, I decided enough is enough and never again. People change, but if one partner stops making the effort to consider the other's feelings, the change is not for the better.
It's scary to be a single parent, but it is for my daughter that I kicked him out. What kind of role model would I be if I let her think that anyone has the right to talk to me like that or be disrespectful?
I told her to get a good education, get a good job, and then, and only then, if she wants, to find a man that is worthy of her. She should never feel like she can't live without a man or that she needs one to support her financially. She should be confident in herself and her own abilities. To never settle for anything but love and mutual respect.

 

[thetramp]

I tried doing the "til death do us part" thing, and was good in the beginning, but then after years of being not only taken for granted but then being berated, I decided enough is enough and never again. People change, but if one partner stops making the effort to consider the other's feelings, the change is not for the better.
It's scary to be a single parent, but it is for my daughter that I kicked him out. What kind of role model would I be if I let her think that anyone has the right to talk to me like that or be disrespectful?
I told her to get a good education, get a good job, and then, and only then, if she wants, to find a man that is worthy of her. She should never feel like she can't live without a man or that she needs one to support her financially. She should be confident in herself and her own abilities. To never settle for anything but love and mutual respect.

That was very wise of you, being brought up by a loving single parent is not of any damage to a child at all, being brought up in a dysfunctional relationship most likely is. If you say you are only doing it for the kids sake, don't do it you are lying to yourself and causing more harm than good.

 

[rob_just_rob]

Have your experiences shown you otherwise?

Yes.

I've been in relationships where I was biding my time, feeling the effects of inertia.

And I've known couples where one partner was doing the same thing, with the other partner oblivious.

 

[alwaysguessing]

Yes.

I've been in relationships where I was biding my time, feeling the effects of inertia.

And I've known couples where one partner was doing the same thing, with the other partner oblivious.

Wow, can't imagine it. I guess some people are really out of touch. I would think they might not actually be oblivious, but were in denial or simply hiding their true feelings. Unless the other party was making a conscious effort to conceal their lack of interest.

 

[HiddenLacey]

we all say no...

but haven't most of us ended a relationship and had the ex try everything to hold on to us? even though they know you don't want to be with them anymore...

Yes, and I've come to the conclusion that I am simply too nice.

It's amazing how sometimes people do not want you, yet they will do anything to hold on to you.

At this point I've have been there and done it and had the pleading, begging, threats and manhandling until great friends helped me out of the situation. Getting with the next one and deciding it could always be worse was not the proper way for me to go about this relantionship business.

 

[D_Wally Walnuts]

if your partner was not really attracted to you,
they didn't really love you,
they didn't enjoy sex with you,
or they were just scared of leaving?

could you live like that?
is the most important thing ''keeping'' them,
or would you rather be alone?

If it was Oprah...

 

[D_Tina_Ciao]

if your partner was not really attracted to you,
they didn't really love you,
they didn't enjoy sex with you,
or they were just scared of leaving?

could you live like that?
is the most important thing ''keeping'' them,
or would you rather be alone?

No way! I want total, knock down, drag out, mad, passionate, completely involved and involving, wrapped up in each other *love*.

If he's not totally into me, can't live without me, he's not the right man for me. I *am* alone and have been for 5 years because I won't "settle". I did settle, for 31 years, and I was not happy. If I'm going to be unhappy, it's not going to be *WITH* a man.

An exceptional man who wants, loves, appreciates me, and with whom I have - deep love, affection, intimacy, closeness, passion, intellectual and spiritual bond, and hot, fantastic sex - *I WANT IT ALL!*

 

[Wish-4-8]

There is a part of me that blames myself for him using. If I hadn't been an idiot and we just stayed together, he would have never have begun using. He would have never made those friends, and never gotten a whole new lifestyle. I ruined it all.

Honestly, there is nothing you could have done. You cant blame yourself for what people do to themselves. The thing with relationships is that a partner should compliment you, not be a crutch for whatever is missing.

Its like dating a bomb. You tell yourself that the bomb will not go off if you stay and watch it. What you dont realize at the time is that, YOU ARE DATING A BOMB! And bombs are ment to go off. The question is, "do you want to be around it when it does go off?" Because a bomb's job is to explode. But no one ever wants to believe they are dating a bomb.

Your contributions to this board are fucking depressing.

And yours are annoying.

Anyways, back to the OP. No, I wouldnt. I rather be single. Settling sucks and I end up feeling I am missing out even more. Because even if I dont actually get something if I stay single, there is always the possibility that I can, or that something can happen. And that is called hope. Hope is the human default purpose of life.

And now to share. I was with this ex-GF who need to be reassured that I was attractive. It wasnt until her friends or coworkers told her I was "cute" that she fully believed it herself. And that always bothered me just a bit. And whether she really believed it in the future, it didnt matter. The damage was done. So no, I dont want to be settled for.

In contrast to the ex-GF before her who didnt compliment much, but when she did, I could feel she really meant it. I didnt get the feeling she was settling. When she would grab me and say, "you are so fuckn' fine", while we are fucking, it was both odd to hear and great, because it seemed so out of her character. But I felt that she meant it and that is the point.

 

[D_Portelay Porquesword]

I say no.

I could not betray what my instincts would be telling me. That kind of life, for me, would be an imitation of life.

Life is what you make it.

 

[alwaysguessing]

And yours are annoying.

OMG! I'm blown away by the unparalleled substance overflowing from this message! It's the beginning of a revolution!

 

[Drifterwood]

*I WANT IT ALL!*

Which is probably why you have been single for five years.

I am not intending on being unpleasant, but simply pointing out that after lust and romance, usually comes a series of compromises, because I just don't believe that everything can be perfect. But not being perfect is not reason in itself to dump relationships, it's more about when you meet your point of no return compromise.

Partners don't see you hit your point of no return, which is why they sometimes want a second chance.

And that is all just as true for men.

 

[EternalBliss]

I think he settled, now I can make a plan to split b4 i get in too far. I deserve someone who wants ma as much as i want them.