could you live with being settled for?

[rob_just_rob]

Unless the other party was making a conscious effort to conceal their lack of interest.

That's what I am talking about. The school of thought that if you are with someone, you should give them your attention and focus, and not, as you posited "point out flaws, withhold sex, start fights" and/or scope out other potential partners while with the settlee.

 

[Gecko4lif]

My general view in life is that if everybody could get who they wanted the term settling would not exist. Since that is not the case just deal with it.

If you were worth to the world at large what you thought you were worth you wouldnt be in this particular situation i the first place.

 

[wallyj84]

My general view in life is that if everybody could get who they wanted the term settling would not exist. Since that is not the case just deal with it.

If you were worth to the world at large what you thought you were worth you wouldnt be in this particular situation i the first place.

That's a very good point.

 

[Gecko4lif]

That's a very good point.

Thank you wally. I thought so also.

 

[abriel]

No. I did it once and it was the single most damaging relationship I've ever been in as far my self-esteem.
And ultimately, I want what FemaleLgcocklvr posted. I want to be someone's 'only'. I want to be loved and wanted as passionately as I love and want.
And I think it's out there.

 

[B_Hickboy]

if your partner was not really attracted to you,
they didn't really love you,
they didn't enjoy sex with you,
or they were just scared of leaving?

could you live like that?
is the most important thing ''keeping'' them,
or would you rather be alone?

No. It is a very stale state of being.

 

[thetramp]

My general view in life is that if everybody could get who they wanted the term settling would not exist. Since that is not the case just deal with it.

If you were worth to the world at large what you thought you were worth you wouldnt be in this particular situation i the first place.

I have to strongly disagree, that is a much to shallow point of view.
Settling is not about whether you can attract who you would like to attract.
This is not about that the person you are with might not be what you would have described as your type, because it can become your type, i think we all have been very attracted to people who we would not have described as our ideal before and never even thought about settling.
Your needs can change in a relationship, and who you madly loved a year ago you might not love whole heartedly, tho a part of you still hangs on to that person, and you subconscious think it will turn once again, than you are settling for less than it once was in the illusion of belief it will be what it once was again. If you feel that it no longer is what you want but you fear that being alone would be worth, or that you would have to undergo the same pain in the next relationship then you are settling, if you have resigned and gave up hope to find someone you full heartedly want to be with you are settling. The view that if you just were so attractive that you could pick whoever you want, which is quite silly anyway, is preventing you from settling or being settled for is just not true and so shallow.

 

[HiddenLacey]

*snip* or that you would have to undergo the same pain in the next relationship then you are settling, if you have resigned and gave up hope to find someone you full heartedly want to be with you are settling. The view that if you just were so attractive that you could pick whoever you want, which is quite silly anyway, is preventing you from settling or being settled for is just not true and so shallow.

You are a smart man. It's nice to see that some people understand there is more to "settling" than fear of being alone.

 

[Gecko4lif]

I have to strongly disagree, that is a much to shallow point of view.
Settling is not about whether you can attract who you would like to attract.

Actually it is. Because if it was who you wanted you wouldnt be settling.

This is not about that the person you are with might not be what you would have described as your type, because it can become your type, i think we all have been very attracted to people who we would not have described as our ideal before and never even thought about settling.
Your needs can change in a relationship, and who you madly loved a year ago you might not love whole heartedly, tho a part of you still hangs on to that person, and you subconscious think it will turn once again, than you are settling for less than it once was in the illusion of belief it will be what it once was again. If you feel that it no longer is what you want but you fear that being alone would be worth, or that you would have to undergo the same pain in the next relationship then you are settling, if you have resigned and gave up hope to find someone you full heartedly want to be with you are settling. The view that if you just were so attractive that you could pick whoever you want, which is quite silly anyway, is preventing you from settling or being settled for is just not true and so shallow.

Congratulations on circumventing the entire logic of the thread

 

[Lex]

if your partner was not really attracted to you,
they didn't really love you,
they didn't enjoy sex with you,
or they were just scared of leaving?

could you live like that?
is the most important thing ''keeping'' them,
or would you rather be alone?

I love and respect myself too much to be with someone who does not love me and cherish our partnership.

 

[THEDUDEofDestiny]

if your partner was not really attracted to you,
they didn't really love you,
they didn't enjoy sex with you,
or they were just scared of leaving?

could you live like that?
is the most important thing ''keeping'' them,
or would you rather be alone?

i don't have the job i wanted when i was 20, i don't live where i wanted when i was 20, and i don't date the girls i wanted to date at 20. this is only settling if you take a morbid view of the situation. i like to think experience made me a different person than i was when i was younger and i am quite content with the way things are. it is like that stuid bitch who was cheating on her husband with george clooney in "up in the air" said to that young girl who was working with him "when it happens it won't feel like settling". it is a cliche but there is merit to it.

 

[THEDUDEofDestiny]

i obviously didnt read the post i was responding to. no if that is the definition of settling we are working with i would not settle

 

[Wish-4-8]

OMG! I'm blown away by the unparalleled substance overflowing from this message! It's the beginning of a revolution!

Would you rather fancy a more eloquent venacular?

Tag, you are it. :tongue:

 

[thetramp]

Actually it is. Because if it was who you wanted you wouldnt be settling./QUOTE]

That is based on the logic, that what you want can not change and that your partner doe snot change, which is absurd. Who i wanted with 16 does not have to be the same person i wanted with 18, and even if i still want the exact same thing, the girl that was that at 16 most likely not anymore the same at 18, how can i expect that knowing that i myself have changed too. I have been with a girl that was everything i wanted, everything i could imagine and i was very happy about that, but it did not take. That happens, just because one person is the perfect partner for you in a certain phase of your life, and you are lucky enough to attract her/him, it doesn't mean it will be the perfect partner for the next phase, yet for whatever reason ever one of the two does not cut it and settles for the partner even if it not is the perfect fit any longer.

 

[Gecko4lif]

That is based on the logic, that what you want can not change and that your partner doe snot change, which is absurd. Who i wanted with 16 does not have to be the same person i wanted with 18, and even if i still want the exact same thing, the girl that was that at 16 most likely not anymore the same at 18, how can i expect that knowing that i myself have changed too. I have been with a girl that was everything i wanted, everything i could imagine and i was very happy about that, but it did not take. That happens, just because one person is the perfect partner for you in a certain phase of your life, and you are lucky enough to attract her/him, it doesn't mean it will be the perfect partner for the next phase, yet for whatever reason ever one of the two does not cut it and settles for the partner even if it not is the perfect fit any longer.

But then thats growing apart not settling

 

[thetramp]

Growing apart and settling are no contrasts, if you settle for the grown apart who just no longer is the right partner for you you are settling.

EDIT:
Not exactly knowing what you want when you start a relationship, finding out that it is not that and staying n there is settling.
Thinking your partner is what you want and finding out he/her isn't, and don't leaving because of whatever reason is settling.
There are so many situations any person can get into where she/her settles for someone or gets settled for which has nothing to do with who you can attract.

 

[D_Relentless Original]

No, sometimes you can be lonelier in a relationship that's not working;than being on your own.

 

[Gecko4lif]

Growing apart and settling are no contrasts, if you settle for the grown apart who just no longer is the right partner for you you are settling.

EDIT:
Not exactly knowing what you want when you start a relationship, finding out that it is not that and staying n there is settling.
Thinking your partner is what you want and finding out he/her isn't, and don't leaving because of whatever reason is settling.
There are so many situations any person can get into where she/her settles for someone or gets settled for which has nothing to do with who you can attract.

True enough

 

[dolfette]

i don't have the job i wanted when i was 20, i don't live where i wanted when i was 20, and i don't date the girls i wanted to date at 20. this is only settling if you take a morbid view of the situation. i like to think experience made me a different person than i was when i was younger and i am quite content with the way things are. it is like that stuid bitch who was cheating on her husband with george clooney in "up in the air" said to that young girl who was working with him "when it happens it won't feel like settling". it is a cliche but there is merit to it.

yeah, that's not settling. that's changing your mind about what you thought you wanted.

i obviously didnt read the post i was responding to. no if that is the definition of settling we are working with i would not settle

silly you!

 

[424365]

I could not be settled for I'd rather walk the road of life alone.