Could you stay with a partner who wouldn't perform oral on you?

[ConstantComment]

I had to deal with a relationship like this a few years ago. Looking back on it, the problem with sex then seemed to spread into other areas. I started to notice that he didn't like going down on me. To be absolutely certain, I would go down on him first and do it as long as I could. This is guy who wouldn't ejaculate. Then we would do other things. SO I noticed that he would not offer to go down on. Whene ver I asked, he would force me into a 69 position and then just stop.

I also noticed that he also didn't like to engage in manual stimulation. So he didn't even like putting his hand on my labia.

I tried to have open honest discussions with him about this. He never came out and said l don't like going down on you/women, I hope you can live with that. He just simply say that he did not what I was comfortable with. Which of course gets old over time. He never lost the opportunity though to initiate sex and to get me to go down on him.

Another excuse that he use was that he sexually inexperienced-- at the age of 49. So then I noitced that whenever he brought up a story about an ex gf, he would always mention that he never had sex with her. Once I tried to string all his stories all along, by his reckoning he had not had sex for 4 years before we started going out.

There came a point where I just avoided sex with him completely and I was just hoping that he would stop calling. We were already down to seeing each other once a week and no phone calls in between.

What I find fascinating about this story is how, in an effort to avoid the discussion of sex, this guy did not , in putting his integrity on the line. Not only did he ask me to take an HIV test after having sex for seve months AND him trying to get out of wearing a condom, he then tried to make an explicit trade with me ie If I go get an HIV test, he will then go down on me. I didn't budge. And so three months into this no sex phse, he says to me, as if he were some kind of wheeler- dealer, you know if you go get that HIV test, we can then have sex again. I said ok. Did nothing and he was still pawing after me.

The moral to the story, if you can't have open honest discussion in the bedroom, it's going to infect every other apsect of the relationship.

 

[hud01]

couldn't imagine that oral sex would be a deal breaker. I would question the heart and soul of the relationship before I attributed it to not willing to perform oral sex.

It's the fact that she thinks it is degrading. That to me raises flags about her personality and what she might find degrading down the road. If she didn't want to do it because he was too big, or she gagged easily, more understandable.

 

[dolfette]

It's the fact that she thinks it is degrading. That to me raises flags about her personality and what she might find degrading down the road. If she didn't want to do it because he was too big, or she gagged easily, more understandable.

she says she thinks it is.
sometimes people justify an aversion based on something that makes them feel inferior by telling themselves it's really caused by something else.

people are very complicated that way.

 

[avatarng]

Fuck NO. I don't even like the one that does not OUT and PROUD.

 

[emwebnauburn]

I guess it would not be a complete a deal breaker. I however love to give oral. So if that was out of the question, I would hope the relatioshi had a hell of a foundation.

 

[B_Nick4444]

I was wondering if it is a complete dealbreaker for people if their partner wouldn't perform oral on you.

as a sexual partner, yes

 

[D_Doe_Ray_Mi]

Yes, deal-beaker. I was in a relationship with a beautiful older woman, I loved, who loved my going down on her for hours but acted like she was tolerating being raped when I would penetrate her. I'm generally a fairly gentle man. She never willingly sucked my cock and like the penetration would tolerate face-fucking briefly if I insisted. The relationship ended because of other differences but I decided then that I would never again do without good oral sex. Life's too short. It was during that relationship that I last got a BJ from another man. A married friend and it was the best ever.

 

[FantomX]

I don't know if it would be a deal breaker, but it would definitely put a strain on the relationship. I really enjoy recieving and giving oral, so if its not allowed then it would cause me to be really unhappy in the bedroom.

 

[tiger_oakley]

no way---im gone.....

 

[Tense0000]

Deal breaker.... sorry

 

[rob_just_rob]

Probably not, but it wouldn't be as big of an issue as some others I could name.

 

[D_Passmoore Fearsomgas]

it shouldnt matter but i kinda does...

 

[verticalstick]

It really matters.....I wouldn't last too long in that relationship...

 

[Principessa]

Dealbreaker for me. If you don't you don't, that's fine with me, but we can only be just firends. Especially if you are hung, I'm not going to be able to handle something large if I'm not properly worked up.

Of course, I'm not stingy in giving it either.
Since original poster was a guy, I guess he really meant would it be a deal breaker for guys if a girl wouldn't go down on him though. Frankly I wouldn't blame you if it was.
Life is too short for an unsatisfying sex life.

Yup, I agree. :yup:

 

[Fleur]

Having dated someone in the past for years who wouldn't, it honestly left me with hang-ups that there was "something wrong" with me and it's made me shy to let someone do it when it was just something he didn't want to do and didn't like (didn't ever give a reason really). I don't think I could date someone who wouldn't want me that way. And I wouldn't blame a guy for that being a dealbreaker too.

Life is way too short to stay in a sexually unsatisfying relationship.

 

[the_reverend]

while i like oral, i've never gotten off from it, so the act in and of itself wouldn't be highly missed (so long as i could still go down on her). but the underlying cause there, whatever it might be, would give me pause. if she finds it degrading (the example the OP gave), then it makes me wonder about what other hang ups she's going to have. if it's a question of trust or vulnerability or something, then that's something we'd have to work on for even the emotional basis of the relationship to work. i've always been big on reciprocity and balance in a relationship. so that just seems to throw the balance off to me...i was dating a girl in college who was the exact opposite situation. she wanted to do all these things to me, but didn't want me to return the favor. and to help her feel more comfortable, i wouldn't let her do anything until she felt comfortable enough with me to let me do the same. in this kind of situation, i can't think of a similar plan of action to work through it effectively...so yeah, loathe as i am to use the term, that'd be a deal breaker.

 

[JacobFox]

Well my current bf doesn't have an issue with it, but if he did now, I would stay with him because I do love him and that's most important.

 

[PurpleThrillHammer]

No, I'm more of a giver than a receiver when it comes to oral.:tongue:

 

[brandon38]

Yes that deal breaker I love oral sex I have to have it for me sorry guys but could not deal with someone who was not into it .

 

[hot showers]

Pretty much a deal-breaker. I LOVE oral...giving and receiving. I'm a little more tolerant of someone who gives but won't receive. The opposite is unacceptable.