An 86-year-old man went to his doctor for his quarterly check-up... The doctor asked him how he was feeling, and the 86-year-old said: 'Things are great and I've never felt better.' I now have a 20 year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. 'So what do you think about that Doc ?' The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began to tell a story. 'I have an older friend , much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a season.' One day he was setting off to go hunting. In a bit of a hurry , he accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.' 'As he neared a lake , he came across a very large male beaver sitting at the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so he couldn't shoot the magnificent creature. Out of habit he raised his cane , aimed it at the animal as if It were his favorite hunting rifle and went 'bang, bang'.' 'Miraculously , two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now, what do you think of that ?' asked the doctor. The 86-year-old said , 'Logic would strongly suggest that somebody else pumped a couple of rounds into that beaver.' The doctor replied , 'My point exactly.' A Louisiana businessman was getting ready to go on a long business trip, so > > he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied. > > He went to a sex shop and explained his situation. The man there said, > > 'Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so > > many weeks, except the Voodoo Penis!' > > The husband said 'The what?' > > The man repeated 'The Voodoo Penis.' > > The husband laughed, and said, 'It looks like a dildo!' > > The man then pointed to the door and said, 'Voodoo Penis, door!' > > The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding > > the keyhole. 'Voodoo Penis, return to box!' and the penis stopped and > > returned to the box. > > The husband immediately bought it. He took it home to his wife, and after > > the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Voodoo Penis. > > She undressed, opened the box and said 'Voodoo Penis, my crotch.' > > The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible. After three mind > > shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough. > > She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. > > Her husband had neglected to tell her how to send it back to its box! > > So she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the hospital. > > On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the > > road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. > > He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. > > Gasping and twitching, the woman said 'I haven't had anything to drink, > > officer. You see, I've got a Voodoo Penis stuck in my crotch and it won't > > stop screwing me.' > > The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, 'Yeah > > right... Voodoo Penis, my ass!'