Couples becoming Threesomes?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by BIGdkluver, Jan 9, 2010.

  1. BIGdkluver

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    Can a male couple become a threesome?

    I know two gay men who are living together as "partners"--probably for life. Both are well educated, professional, middle-aged men and very nice people. I'll call them Ted and Frank (not, of course, their real names).

    One of them--Frank--is also a friend of mine, and I must admit that I am very attracted to him sexually. He has also given me indications that he likes me also--strictly as a friend, probably--but nevertheless, he likes me.

    Now, I am NOT trying to be any kind of "home-wrecker." I have no fantasies about Frank suddenly leaving Ted and starting to live with me. But, neverheless, I do like him as more than just a friend.

    Frank does not know how I feel about him. Should I mention to him that I am attracted to him and would like to be more than just his friend? Or should I just keep my feelings to myself?

    How "open" are most M2M partner relationships?

    This is a true and sincere question, and I'd appreciate serious and sincere responses. Thanks for your input.
     
  2. Countryguy63

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    Has happened, but dangerous territory. I would say it doesn't work out, more than it does.

    You don't mention how you feel about his partner, which sorry, pretty much makes it not sound promising.

    We really can't say what you should do, as we don't know the dynamics of that couple, or even yourself
     
  3. avg_joe

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    Although I am not in relationship with anyone for now, I am open to the threesome idea.
     
  4. ericbythebay

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    Sounds one-sided, you only mentioned one of them and he only thinks of you as a friend. It's unlikely from what you describe, that they would open up the relationship if they are not already open.

    My husband and I have been together for 14 years and we have tricks over from time to time.

    We wouldn't go for adding someone long term to the relationship, especially if he is only into one of us. A trick is a trick, even if they happen to also be a friend.
     
  5. Rowan Ravenseed

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    I think a Polygamous relationship could work but as with most of the posters so far i would have to agree that in your case this does not sound helpful. for a true three way relationship to work all three parties would need to have equal attraction to each other otherwise you will find more often than not one will be left out and this will verry quickly lead to jelousy and conflict
     
  6. ruggerkit28

    ruggerkit28 Active Member

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    Don't even think about it. They are a settled couple, and friends of yours. This is a recipe for a disaster. Is it worth a quick grope (and more), when you can get a pick-up in a bar.

    Put out signals to 'Frank' that you are not interested.
     
  7. RsideNole

    RsideNole New Member

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    Beginning my freshman year of college, I played the role of the third person/flavor of the week with numerous couples. I had dated some individually and was invited into the bedrooms. I believed at the time it was an extension of previous relationships and a way to expand existent bonds.

    I fared pretty well, but I witnessed the toll brought to each relationship. Some couples dissolved and others seemingly grew stronger through introspection.

    A relationship will undoubtedly be affected when it is opened to a third person. The key is to assess honestly each person's feelings and prepare for changed feelings.

    As the third person, though, I admit it was hot!
     
  8. Lex

    Lex
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    I know of a couple partnerships that were expanded to include a third. I have seen everything from all partners being equals, to 2 daddies and a boy to 1 daddy and 2 boys.

    If it works for someone, go for it, I say.
     
  9. D_Anton_Pavlovich_Jerkhov

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    You're facing a difficult choice.

    If you decide to keep your feelings for yourself, you'd be better to gradually back away from this couple, as this would help you get over your feelings. I find this to be your better choice, but...

    If you decide to speak up to him, there are two attitudes for you to adopt:

    a) you tell him just to get it off your chest and choose to not have sex with him, until he is free (if he ever will be) or unless he and his partner accept a threesome.

    b) you tell him and leave it in his hands: he may want to have sex with you either because he is also attracted to you or because he is curious and maybe willing to appease your desire. Don't expect a relationship with him, it may be just one encounter, and don't discount the possibility of guilt and shame, because this is cheating.

    He may also politely reject you, so you may be prepared for this additional hurt.

    Both a) or b) will certainly lead to the end of your friendship with him, but you may feel the relief that comes from opening your heart.
     
  10. BIGdkluver

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    Thanks, Joca, for your very detailed and sensitive response to my original posting. Your advice, I feel, is very sound and good. :smile:
     
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