Covid Advice: Getting Bf To Dirt Talk, And Be More Sexual Long Distance

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by SilverFantasy, Apr 2, 2020.

  1. SilverFantasy

    SilverFantasy Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2019
    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York (NY, US)
    So I'm a little shy by default, and don't live w/ my bf, which means the only time we really get to do anything sexual is when one's parents go away. I'm a little shy by default, he's perhaps a little shy. I've gotten him to start talking a little dirty when we're in bed, but for the most part, and for the majority of time in the year, I kind of feel like we're almost more like best friends that boyfriends some time. And that's good in and of itself of course, and there's definitely a romantic element of intimacy. But how do u get someone to write dirty things to you, or just be more openly sexual in conversation to begin with? Especially w/ all this social distancing, and not being able to see each other at all, there's definitely a lack of intimacy, and I find myself just wanting it every day all day at this point. Any advise or past history with this kind of thing? Thanks
     
  2. Shad

    Shad Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jun 22, 2006
    Messages:
    170
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    129
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Montana (US)
    Be honest and tell him you want him to verbalize what he wants to do to you.
     
    SilverFantasy likes this.
  3. malakos

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 29, 2012
    Messages:
    7,431
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    4,619
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    San Francisco (CA, US)
    Assuming he's buying into that being a good idea he's on board, you may have to be the one initiating it, if it doesn't come naturally to him.
     
    SilverFantasy likes this.
  4. SilverFantasy

    SilverFantasy Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2019
    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York (NY, US)
    Ha. Why is talking about sex to the person you're actually having sex with so difficult!
     
  5. SilverFantasy

    SilverFantasy Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2019
    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York (NY, US)
    I try. Sometimes I get ignored, or get a series of silly gifs/memes. Not quite the same. I get why he would do that, as writing things out, or saying them in person can be awkward. But come on, I don't want to feel like a virgin, or an old sexless married couple!
     
  6. HorseHung40's

    HorseHung40's Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2008
    Messages:
    1,630
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    5,001
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Holland (MI, US)
    With the isolation, phone sex may make a comeback!
     
    crtbike likes this.
  7. hypolimnas

    hypolimnas Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2006
    Messages:
    2,046
    Likes Received:
    2,136
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Penisland
    I would suggest letting him know you miss him and miss hearing his voice. Get into a new pattern of actually talking with each other about what you are thinking. Use isolation as an excuse. Think of this as a project and go through a series of steps.

    Then you can ask him directly how he would feel if he knew talking to him was making you really horny. Or you can use humour and when you are talking you might ask him if he knows what you are doing with your hand while chatting.

    Some people are turned on by different things my bfs body smell is one of them but I also find what I hear to be arousing. Others like visual triggers.

    Maybe you can tell him you are horny ask him if he wants a pic showing how hard you are?

    Good luck anyway. You definately need to ask him how horny he is every few days and find out what he is doing about it. Don't be too serious - keep it relaxed and fun - let him know you love him and that you find him attractive even at a distance - good luck
     
    JamesG08 and SilverFantasy like this.
  8. SilverFantasy

    SilverFantasy Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2019
    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York (NY, US)
    Thanks for the tips! Yeah, I think I'll have to really work on initiating it, and saying what I'm doing, and such. The moral support, and not feeling like I'm just an idiot, is appreciated :D.
     
    hypolimnas likes this.
  9. SilverFantasy

    SilverFantasy Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2019
    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York (NY, US)
    Did I mention that my bf only masturbates once a week, literally schedules precisely when he's going to do it, claims to not really think of sex outside of that, and thinks doing it once a day is highly weird. LOL! This boy :scream:.
     
  10. hypolimnas

    hypolimnas Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2006
    Messages:
    2,046
    Likes Received:
    2,136
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Penisland
    Hey well good you know the details, it would send me over the edge if I were you and heard his breathing as he was experiencing an orgasm lol.
     
  11. SilverFantasy

    SilverFantasy Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2019
    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York (NY, US)
    Ha! This is probably why when does do it, the liquids seem to come out for days.
     
    hypolimnas likes this.
  12. socalfreak

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2012
    Messages:
    3,474
    Albums:
    8
    Likes Received:
    5,379
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta (GA, US)
    Put simply,... What turns one person on won't necessarily turn the other on.
    If he's not into it, I would only push the issue so far.
    As far as they other stuff .. Sounds like he has a different sex drive than you.
    While I believe in making the effort for your significant other, for the sake of the relationship.... It would be unreasonable to expect him to force it and artificially increase his output all the time just to please you.
    Might be time to look at what's important to you.....
    If the dirty talk and lower sex drive are deal breakers, then you have a difficult decision to make
     
  13. hypolimnas

    hypolimnas Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2006
    Messages:
    2,046
    Likes Received:
    2,136
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Penisland
    I am currently advising everyone not to make make major decisions about partners, friendships and relationship over the next two months. We are not necessarily currently equipped to make the best decisions for ourselves at this time. The world is changing.
     
  14. SilverFantasy

    SilverFantasy Member

    Joined:
    Nov 20, 2019
    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    44
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York (NY, US)
    Ha. We've been together for a while. We're good. I'm just lonelyyyy and longinggggg LOL. When we're actually physically together the issue isn't that big, and it's easier to get someone a bit dirty when you're in their face and playing with them. We did do a dirty video chat the other day :D. Can't make a lot of noise cuz of parents, but good times.
     
  15. hypolimnas

    hypolimnas Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Apr 8, 2006
    Messages:
    2,046
    Likes Received:
    2,136
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Penisland
    Excellent news lol - thanks for the update
     
  16. socalfreak

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 25, 2012
    Messages:
    3,474
    Albums:
    8
    Likes Received:
    5,379
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Atlanta (GA, US)
    Good for you.
    However, I don't know you. So, your opinion really doesn't have any influence over me at this point.
    And, since you don't know the entire world or me, you can't decide what the world can or cannot handle at the moment.
    Thanks, anyway
     
  17. Itsmeandyou

    Gold Member Verified

    Joined:
    Jul 25, 2016
    Messages:
    816
    Albums:
    3
    Likes Received:
    1,803
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    New York (NY, US)
    Verified:
    Photo
    Communication is key.
     
  18. lc281

    Gold Member Verified

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2018
    Messages:
    105
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1,553
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Chicago (IL, US)
    Verified:
    Photo
    People have made a lot of really good points. I do think communication is really important. If he's naturally shy, then you're going to have to be the one to initiate more sexual conversations. Ask him questions. Ask him what turns him on. Tell him what turns you on. Explain the issues you're having. You're horny; you miss him. Work together to find a mutually beneficial solution.

    If he truly only masturbates once a week and doesn't otherwise even think about sex, then he might just have a naturally low sex drive, like someone else mentioned. Maybe you can figure out when he schedules his "personal time" each week, and see if he'd be up for sexting or watching porn together or something. I saw you guys got a video chat in. That's fun. If you're both comfortable, maybe text each other nudes or short videos. That way, he can film them when he's horny, and you can watch them when you're horny. It doesn't have to be at the same time.

    If he deflects with humor (which is a natural thing to do; talking about sex can feel weird), I would try and seriously express your frustration without getting mad. It's tough, but I think above all, communication is essential.

    Good luck and happy quarantine! :)
     
  19. crtbike

    Gold Member Platinum Gold

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2014
    Messages:
    304
    Albums:
    5
    Likes Received:
    703
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Memphis (TN, US)
    I agree. Phone sex might be an answer to horniness during this ti RPC.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice