Coworker & Friend

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by dirrtyminded, May 9, 2010.

  1. dirrtyminded

    dirrtyminded Member

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    THIS IS A LONG & DETAILED POST!
    I'm looking for a female perspective on this situation, but guys can answer too.

    Over the past year I've become really good friends with the Receptionist at the office I work at. We often have lunch together and stop by each others office to talk. We tend to be quite open and honest with each other in our discussions. She has been with her boyfriend since college and I've met the guy a few times over dinner and concerts, etc.
    Last week she started being really flirty with me and she wasn't hiding or apologizing for it in any way (not that I'd want her to). For example, I was running cables through her office (I work in the I.T. Dept.) and I was under her desk with my ass poking out.

    She walks into her office and says, "*Whistles* Damn its about time I got some entertainment in this office, shake it for me."

    I laughed and shook my ass as I said hi to her.
    She then says, "If anybody asks for you I'll tell them that they can find you under my desk," as she sits in her chair and pulls up close to her desk (and me) so that I couldn't back out.

    Later that day she was in our boss' office, so I walked up to the door and began talking to her as though she was our boss saying, "Marie is harassing me and I'm not sure what to do.....since I'm enjoying it." We burst out in laughter and as she was walking past me she said, "You know you want it."

    I actually didn't know how to respond to that, she was being really bold and continued to get even more bold as the week progressed. I was confused by her words and actions towards me until 2 days ago when she told me that she had broken up with her boyfriend just over a week ago & moved out. She told me about the break up and that I was the 1st person she had talked to about it besides her sisters who helped her move out. I could tell that she was feeling quite down after explaining things to me, so I asked her to join me for lunch at a Sushi Restaurant. Since I invited her, I told her lunch was on me and she said, "Why don't we share? It will be cute,".

    Instead of sitting across from me, she sat next to me as we ate and talked. When we were done she hugged me, which is something that she has never done in the time that I have known her.

    She just got a new phone and she emailed me telling me to text her so she can add my number to her phone. I sent her a funny text message with my name so she'd know it was me and she responded with "Didn't we date a few days ago? lol".
    I didn't actually think of our lunches as dates, so I replied, "You must have seen the future, because I haven't even asked you out yet."

    Should I pursue something with her, especially so soon after her breakup?
    I want to respect her and give her some space, but at the same time she seems to want more face time with me than ever before.

    Am I assuming too much? Should I just wait for her to make the next move before saying anything? And the obvious question, should I date a coworker? We know other coworkers have dated in our office.

    *UPDATE* She added me to her new FaceBook account and she wants to join me for a drink next weekend.
     
    #1 dirrtyminded, May 9, 2010
    Last edited: May 9, 2010
  2. HiddenLacey

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    Personal opinion on it...

    I would tread lightly. It sounds like she's interested in you. I do not want to put you into the rebound category because you had previous flirtations prior to her relantionship ending. Obviously in MY mind she is pursuing you. If she was in a long term relantionship she's not going to be used to the freedom of being on her own. The reason why I said I don't want to think of you as a rebound guy is that she could very well have been interested in you before and never acted on it because of her relantionship. IF you are truely interested in her. Take it slow ask her out to lunch again or for dinner. It doesn't HAVE to be a date. It's just two people going out for food and conversation. See where it goes! By the way how did she respond when you said "you must be seeing the future, I haven't even asked you out yet?"
     
    #2 HiddenLacey, May 9, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: May 9, 2010
  3. danimal32

    danimal32 Member

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    I agree with the poster above, plus depending on what develops, it may make things very awkward at work, especially if things go south and then you have to see each other every day. She is hurting now and needs a friend, plus, this early on, she could end up back together with her ex. Be a sounding board, listen to what she has to say and who knows where this might lead in the future?
     
  4. fallguy

    fallguy New Member

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    This is so funny, because I had the same thing happen to me. The girl works in my office and had a longterm boyfriend (and I had a girlfriend/fiancee at the time), but we would talk at work about our relationships and what we liked and disliked about our partners. Nothing really sexual towards each other, but she did talk about what kind of man she wanted.

    Eventually, she broke up with her boyfriend and I felt she was becoming interested in me. I broke up with my woman in December, and the girl from work knew it, and after a work happy hour, we did the deed. A few days later, I was talking about a movie with her and she said, "Is that an invite?". I knew what that meant, so she came over, we watched the movie and fucked like animals. It was really hot.

    Unfortunately, while I was technically broken up with my girlfriend/fiancee, we still talked. (Well, she still talked, I listened and just felt really bad about the situation). She found out I had sex with the girl from work and proceeded to text her from my phone that we had to end the personal relationship and just be professional. This obviously killed my chance to be sexual with the girl from work again The next week, she went out for her birthday (which she was going to invite me to) and found a new boyfriend.

    Now I sit next to her everyday thinking what could have been, that we could have been an awesome couple (which everyone says). I picture her naked virtually every moment of the day. She sometimes wears revealing shirts with her breast slightly exposed, and I just want to rip off her panties and have crazy office sex with her. But I also want to respect her relationship with her new man, while I secretly hope that he fucks up somehow and I can have a fair chance with her.

    To answer your question, I say tread lightly at first, but go for it. If you're interested in her, and she seems interested in you, then what's to worry?
     
    #4 fallguy, May 9, 2010
    Last edited: May 9, 2010
  5. HiddenLacey

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    That sentence made me laugh and smile. You must really like this woman. If her relantionship with this other fellow is new. I would say you still have a chance with her:smile: Don't sit in the background and let someone take the woman your interested in because of something a jealous ex did! I hope your situation works out as well!
     
  6. fallguy

    fallguy New Member

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    I don't want to hi-jack the thread from the OP, but do you think that I should just come out and say, "I think you are with the wrong man?" I mean, I've already told her how I feel about her and how my ex is now out of the picture (she's moved on, finally). What else should I say? I really do like this girl, she has all the qualities I'm looking for in a partner, plus she rocks in the sack.
     
  7. HiddenLacey

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    I hate to give you relantionship advice when I'm on the outside. I just think that if I were really interested in someone I would pursue them. If you work together I wouldn't want you to do something that could jepradize your job. If you've spoken to her about how you feel maybe she's just not interested:confused: If you feel she could be interested you could continue to show her how you feel and maybe she'll change her mind. My apologies to the OP.
     
  8. fallguy

    fallguy New Member

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    Noted, thanks for the advice. My job isn't in jeopardy, and I get the feeling she was hurt from what happened, but I told her that my ex was the culprit, even though that's not really an excuse. Ok, I'm done!
     
  9. RawDog

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    Coulda shoulda woulda...

    I was in that situation 20 years ago with a really good friend (not a co-worker, but my client's wife). I tread lightly, was the sensitive sounding board, was the loving supportive friend she needed, but never made a move for so many admirable reasons.

    Sixteen years later, 16 fucking years, we confront this "friendship" and decide to finally get involved. We were always afraid to spoil the friendship if things went bad. Yet we finally took the chance.

    Guess what? Two old farts are now having the best relationship we've ever dreamt of having. It's a bitterweet regret that we waited so long. On the one hand we know each other so well, we know how to relate even before the discussion gets heated. We say now we could never had lasted had we tried this when we were both young and naive. I also know that this is us rationalizing for what we hadn't done so many years ago.

    On the other hand, so much wasted time. Four failed marriages (she had two, I had two as well), unbelievable debt we've accumulated from the divorces, no kids (we never wanted any in our previous relationships but now wonder if we could've been great parents had we gotten involved in out 20s), etc, etc.

    It sounds like an offhanded remark if I said this without the back story, but my advice would be, "Coulda shoulda woulda... Would you much rather regret something you did, or something you didn't do"
     
  10. dirrtyminded

    dirrtyminded Member

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    I don't mind the discussion branching off, when different people feel the same thing. I agree with this poster, tell her how you feel, you don't have to say "you're with the wrong guy," that's for her to decide. You've explained the situation to her, now you have to explain where you stand or would like to stand with her.
     
  11. dirrtyminded

    dirrtyminded Member

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    Now in regards to my situation, she responded to my text with "lol I can't wait to see you tomorrow, I'll call you later."
    We are usually the first 2 people at work at we're alone for about an 1 1/2 to 2 hours before management and other coworkers show up. We'll have plenty of time to talk.

    I agree with you, I want her to take things slow since I understand how much she's invested in her previous relationship. I just want her to have a good time, as her friend I want to distract her and put her mind at ease, even if only for a little while. But as a guy, especially one that knows how cool she is I have every intention of being with her.
     
  12. AlphaMale

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    One thing I'm finding out about women as I get older is this:

    Women always have an ideal type of guy they want to be with, and then they have the guy that they date/marry because they don't feel like they can really tie down the ideal guy.

    The ideal guy is the fun one that they always want to hang out with, get advice from, be flirty with... but they don't want permanency with this guy because they kinda feel like you could just get another girl like them if you really wanted to.

    ==

    The fact that she was talkative, flirty, and goes out with you makes me think you are (and were) much more than a rebound guy... to her you are/were better than her boyfriend (i.e. you are the ideal guy, not her ex bf), which is why she showed you so much attention.

    The only problem is that most women (for whatever fear, reason, etc.) will not go for the ideal guy in the end... they settle for much less of a guy to date or marry.

    Probably because the lesser guy (in her mind) is at a lower level than she is and therefore content with paying bills, doing the dirty work, and being there for her every last little need of hers. Conversely, the ideal guy is at an equal or higher level then her (in her mind) and she's not comfortable asking that guy to pay bills, do the dirty work, be a gopher, etc. She just assumes if you don't like her, you can find someone better.

    The ideal guy almost always loses out in the end, but don't take my advice as "100% without a doubt the way it's going to be" ... just take it as precautionary advice. You could very well win her heart over and you two could be very happy dating, being friends, etc.

    ==

    My advice comes from my own pesonal experience being in more than a few situations that are nearly what you described: girl dating a guy FOREVER, but she really likes you better and wants to do stuff with you. So she ends up doing fun stuff with you, dinners, beach, kissing, etc. :biggrin1:
     
    #12 AlphaMale, May 9, 2010
    Last edited: May 9, 2010
  13. HiddenLacey

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    Aw :) From what you've written you sound like a nice guy that's truely interested in being her friend and oneday more. That's a good start! It sounds to me like she's excited and has you and seeing you on her mind which is a plus she's telling you how she feels. Sometimes people get to a point in their life where they know exactly what they want and maybe she does. I hope that if you take your time things might work out the way you want them to. Best of luck!
     
  14. dirrtyminded

    dirrtyminded Member

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    Thanks for your input! I hope things work out, only time will tell I guess.
    I honestly wasn't expect nearly this much help, like maybe 1 or 2 responses before the thread disappeared.
     
  15. HazelGod

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    Hit it and split it, lick it and quit it.
     
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