Craigslist personals

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by bignfloppy, Jul 31, 2008.

  1. bignfloppy

    bignfloppy Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2004
    Messages:
    442
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Okay, so I "came out" on this forum a long time ago, but I still haven't come out to anyone else. Because of my major and intended career, I don't think coming out will ever really be an option for me.

    I've done some c2c and even broadcast on cam4.com, but I've really been dying to experiment with an guy in person.

    I recently answered an ad from someone about my age looking for a first-time-with-a-guy experience. He seems real cool and totally normal, we chatted and talked and are planning to meet. It seems to me that he is who he says he is, but until I actually meet him, I won't know for sure that he isn't like a serial killer or something.

    Has anyone here had any experience w/craigslist personals? Good or bad experiences? I really think I'm going to do this. What are your thoughts?
     
  2. darkhorse72

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2007
    Messages:
    165
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    london
    Verified:
    Photo
    perhaps you should change career and live a happy life, not one hidden behind lies (to yourself and others).:frown1: Or even be a pioneer and have the balls to come out.
    just a suggestion.
    :flowers1:
     
  3. marleyisalegend

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2007
    Messages:
    5,587
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    charlotte
    Considering the Craigs List Rapist, and the fact that people there can be messy sometimes (don't return one phone call and they blab to all your friends that you're gay), I'd suggest using the UTMOST caution. Being closeted and going on Craiglist is like committing a murder and dropping the murder weapon in front of the police station.
     
  4. D_CountdeGrandePinja

    D_CountdeGrandePinja Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Feb 4, 2008
    Messages:
    9,770
    Likes Received:
    42
    great suggestion from dark horse - I agree - be proud of what God made you!
     
  5. bignfloppy

    bignfloppy Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2004
    Messages:
    442
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    I thought long and hard about it before making the decision. I can't think of any other job I'd be happier doing. And at this point, it'd be virtually impossible for me to be employed in the field as an openly homosexual person.
     
  6. bignfloppy

    bignfloppy Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2004
    Messages:
    442
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Yeah, this is exactly the type of stuff I'm worried about.
     
  7. marleyisalegend

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2007
    Messages:
    5,587
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    charlotte
    It's 90% idealistic, 10% practical. We DO NOT live in a society that embraces homosexuals, actually it's perpetuated that homosexuality is immoral, condemnable, gross, and unmanly.

    I wish he could be proud of who he was, but telling him to "grow a pair" is an infantile, condescending response that belittles the complexity of the situation. If it were as easy as "being proud", there wouldn't be an entire culture of closeted men.
     
  8. darkhorse72

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2007
    Messages:
    165
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    london
    Verified:
    Photo
    so what is the big major career that wont allow you to be yourself, make you live a lie?
    i cant really think of any job that will not allow you to be yourself. its not the dark ages any more!
     
  9. darkhorse72

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 22, 2007
    Messages:
    165
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    15
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    london
    Verified:
    Photo
    honsetly i just dont understand why someone would want to live a lie like this, people will only end up getting hurt and resenting you.
     
  10. WritingForTheBlind

    WritingForTheBlind New Member

    Joined:
    Aug 1, 2008
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    I actually registered to reply to this so.... Hi, nice to meet you!.... What I'd like to know is why go on Craiglist. Are you only going on it to actually meet a guy that you will stay with or is this just a one night stand? If it's a one night stand why not just go to the town next over and go to a gay bar and hook up with someone there. I think it'd be less likely to be a sick-o. If you are only doing it to get laid why not pay for it? (sounds cheap I know) That way you know it's a one time thing no strings attached. I also want to know what your career is.
     
  11. boerkie

    boerkie New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2006
    Messages:
    288
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    west hollywood
    he is a pastor??
     
  12. D_Martin van Burden

    D_Martin van Burden Account Disabled

    Joined:
    Oct 6, 2002
    Messages:
    3,365
    Likes Received:
    6
    I was thinking politician...

    I would say that it's probably better to arrange a meeting in a public place. Go have lunch, a cup of coffee or something. If you like the guy, then he's worth a second meeting. I would also that since being discreet is of the utmost interest, you might want to make that known off the bat. It'll help protect your confidentiality, but it would also be fair to the other guy if he chooses and is happier with a more open lifestyle.
     
  13. falcon27

    Verified Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2008
    Messages:
    60
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    5
    Gender:
    Male
    Verified:
    Photo
    I've only had one encounter with another guy. He was my age, met him at school. A long-term thing obviously didn't work out. So I used craigslist once just to see if there was anyone else worth meeting up with. Will never use it again.

    I talked to this guy in his mid 30s, he sent some pics and he looked pretty hot. He looked very fit and claimed to be well hung. The fact that he had no pictures of this supposedly large dick should have clued me in, in hindsight. Anyways, met up with him and to make a long story short, the pics he sent must have been from another decade because he was fat as hell. Nothing wrong with that, but he sent very misleading pics. If he was lying about that, surely he could be lying about being healthy too. So, before anything happened I said I had to go out to my car and get something. I drove off.

    Kind of an embarrassing story, but I learned a lot from it. I'll never use craigslist again. People lie about everything. Maybe not everyone, but a lot of people do and it's just not worth the risk, in my opinion. Best of luck if you do use it.
     
  14. dcw4

    dcw4 Member

    Joined:
    Sep 9, 2006
    Messages:
    727
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Bothell, Wa.
    omg i get so damn hot reading marleys post, i swear to god,,,

    brains and looks, damn why cant you live in washington state?

    :flowers1:

    dcw4
     
  15. strike4

    strike4 New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 29, 2008
    Messages:
    82
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Kyrgyzstan
    I am unabashedly slutty, and I happily admit to using craigslist. It's worked out great for me - but only in a big city like nyc or sf. If I am really horny for something specific (like a shorter, beefy, hairy, bottom guy that is in the same part of town, and looking to hook up within an hour), I just put that in the ad.

    You can also try other websites where the people might be less into looking for something at that moment.

    We exchange pics, talk of the phone, meet on the street, and then go upstairs. If the person has been dishonest about pics, you just say goodbye. Also, if you get a creepy feeling from the guy, you say "sorry, but I'm not feeling it, goodbye."

    I think that if I talked with or met you, OP, I would have a creepy feeling. You are kind of paranoid... you need to relax. You also need to work out some issues. I know that it probably seems like a terrible bind, but you can be out and do any job. Successful politician? Barney Frank. (If he were more personable, he would be even more successful.) Religious leader? Look at the Anglican bishop.

    I don't mean to seem harsh, but the fact is that you are probably going to come out at some point in your life - either by choice or by accident. Why not man-up and step out in front of the issue and take responsibility?

    Please don't take this in a snarky way, but as you would from a good friend that is willing to tell you the hard things, even though it may be tough to hear.
     
  16. cocktoberfest

    cocktoberfest New Member

    Joined:
    May 12, 2007
    Messages:
    202
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    United States
    nah, do whatever you want. if having your career and being closeted works for you, then go for it. Just be honest with the people you have sex with, date or whatever and manage their expectations.

    I've met a few people who are extremely private and prefer not to tell me their last name or where they live... and that's their call. So we just keep things casual. Nothing serious.

    I would not recommend craigslist. It seems to attract the sluttiest, brokest and most desperate. Try something like manhunt. Not that its any less slutty - but you can be more selective and check out guys on your own terms without having to maintain a separate email address. Meet in public and don't be shy about going home alone if you don't like what you see.
     
    #16 cocktoberfest, Aug 1, 2008
    Last edited: Aug 1, 2008
  17. Duke610

    Duke610 Member

    Joined:
    May 21, 2006
    Messages:
    148
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    2
    Gender:
    Male
    adam4adam.com totally rocks, not only can you narrow your search down to the neighborhood, but you can totally screen down on the sort of guy you are looking for, and if traveling it will post you up in the city you go to. Very user-friendly and how can I put this tactfully, I had VERY good luck with it before I went monogamous. No duds ever, just some really nice guys and great experiences.

    craigslist you just have to be prepared to run across a bunch of losers, fakers, timewasters and posers. The 10 years/10 pounds ago pics are ridiculous.

    Whoever you use, be VERY specific about who/what you are looking for, and as honest about yourself as you can. A current and unflattering picture is also a good idea. Being hotter than expected when the door opens definitely gets things off to a good start.

    To the whole closeted thing, I was there for years and have no comment except to say my life is 100000% better since I came out, and I work in an extremely conservative environment where I thought it would be a complete career-destroyer and it turned out nobody cared at all.

    If you don't put a pic online because of closeted issues, your chances of hooking up with someone acceptable plummet. And if you do put it up online, you are just playing russian roulette that it will fall into someone's hands.

    Choice #1: Come out and move on.
    Choice #2: Go to bars or somewhere you are dealing face to face
    Choice #3: Searching online.

    My $0.02
     
  18. bignfloppy

    bignfloppy Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2004
    Messages:
    442
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Thanks very much for all the input, guys.
     
  19. CUBE

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    May 28, 2005
    Messages:
    7,331
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    1,180
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    The OC
    May I just say...What you think you can tolerate for your career now...and what you can stand to tolerate 10 years from now when you are already past the point of a career change...may be more painful then you can ever ever ever imagine. Trust me...I am sort of there.
     
  20. bignfloppy

    bignfloppy Member

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2004
    Messages:
    442
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Hey all, thanks again for all your input on this. I thought I'd give you an update.

    After thinking a lot about it and talking with the guy some more, I decided to go through with it. I've already invested four years in college towards a career that is not exactly gay-friendly, I've got one more semester to go, and I'm still financially dependent on my family, so coming out at this point is not an option. Maybe in the future.

    Anyhow, we met in a big public shopping center, he looked just like his pics, and we went to my place from there. It was really very awkward to begin with. We kissed a little bit, but that didn't do too much for me because of his facial hair. (It wasn't a full beard or anything, and it was attractive on him, but It was weird to be kissing with it.)

    He had a very nice cock, and he seemed to enjoy playing with my foreskin. We sucked each other, 69ed for a while.

    Anyhow, in general, it was not as mind-blowingly erotic as I expected, but I think that was because of the awkwardness. (It was his first time with a guy, too.) It was such a good feeling to finally touch another guy.

    I'm also fairly confident that he won't be stalking me or anything, as he doesn't want to be outed any more than I do.

    So there you have it: I'm no longer a virgin!
     
Draft saved Draft deleted