Crazed Killer's Plan Foiled By Santa Suit

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by thirteenbyseven, Dec 27, 2008.

  1. thirteenbyseven

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    Bruce Pardo, an unemployed software engineer going through a particularly difficult divorce, believed he had every item planned for his grotesque revenge upon the family of the woman who had destroyed his life. He had the weaponry, two revolvers and a spare two hundred rounds of ammo in his rental car when that ran out, a giant pressurized CO2 canister of high-octane racing fuel disguised as a Christmas present to act as an accelerant to burn his in-laws house in Covina down, and for his clever getaway $17,000 strapped to the inside of his Santa suit with an early morning ticket to high-tail it out of LAX for Canada. Few mass murders in recent memory were so intelligently plotted. And Bruce Jeffery Pardo, though he lacked the Masters degree from the University of Southern California that he had boasted of on his ITT Technology application, nevertheless possessed the cleverness of the main protagonist in Edgar Allen Poe's The Pit and The Pendulum. It would have all worked if not for the goddamn Santa suit melting into his skin.

    After a real-life reenactment of the most gory R-Rated Hollywood horror script, Pardo walked through the sea of dead relatives spraying the contents of high octane racing fuel throughout the home. But in life, even an evil one who's soul is as dark as Satan, there are those unexpected moments, those unscheduled little screw-ups that mess up the best laid plans. Surely a brilliant mind such as Bruce Pardo must have known the magic triangle of combustion is fuel heat and oxygen. As he set upon supplying the fuel for the fire something- presumably a Christmas candle- sent a spark that ignited the entire kitandkibuddle affair into a towering inferno along with Bruce in his huge fluffy red Santa suit, conbustable and tailor made for fire! Soon the flames melted the sleeves of the Santa suit into his arms resulting in third degree burns, but more importantly they also seared the flammable jolly red outfit into his legs where the $17,000 were strapped.

    Acting through pain on pure adrenaline, Bruce drove from Covina to his brother's house in Sylmar. In one of his last acts on this Earth, Pardo took off the tattered remnants of his now much despised Santa suit and placed them in his rental car with a trip-wire leading to the ammo. He then broke into his brother's house and blew his brains out. The best laid plans...

    This morning the Los Angeles times contained this story: Secret child had divided Christmas Eve massacre gunman, wife - Los Angeles Times

    KABC-7 on the other hand sent reporter Melissa McBride to the costume store to interview the woman who made the evil Santa suit. The woman was sure Bruce Jeffrey Pardo was up to no good because" the suit was way too big on him."
     
  2. AG08

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    His plan wasn't that intelligent. Canadian authorities would have arrested him the second he landed on Canadian soil and extradited him to stand trial in the U.S. Canada doesn't want psycho murderers here either. It's not like we would have welcomed him with open arms. Canadian and American authorities have a long history of cooperating with each other to bring fugitives to justice. My mother use to work for the police service in a large Canadian city. When she went on tour of the FBI building while on vacation in Washington, they gave her a private tour to see parts of the building that the general public doesn't get to see because of her employment with the police service in Canada. It's a professional courtesy that is extended to those in law enforcement in Canada. She didn't ask for a private tour, but when they discovered who she was employed with, they insisted. When my mother returned to Canada, she wrote a thank-you letter to the FBI to thank them for the courtesy. She received a letter back personally signed by J. Edgar Hoover himself.

    I don't understand why criminals think they will be scot free once they cross the border. Canada doesn't want American criminals residing here anymore than Americans want Canadian criminals residing there. They would be better off fleeing to a country that doesn't have an extradition treaty with the U.S.
     
    #2 AG08, Dec 27, 2008
    Last edited: Dec 27, 2008
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