crazy situation needs a womens perpective

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by yman74, Mar 29, 2011.

  1. yman74

    yman74 Member

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    Ok here it goes

    First I am a 36m, average height and decent shape. I look younger than I actually am.

    I worked with a now 25f, cute in an alternative rocker, neo-hipster sort of way.

    She has been with the same guy since she was 19 and they now live together. She has admitted to having doubts about their relationship. We hung out a couple of weeks ago and I realized I had strong feelings for here, we had a moment I guess you can say. I wasn't sure she felt the same way and since she is in a relationship I was just going to let it go, until last saturday when she drunk texted saying she really likes me, and I admitted at that time that I liked her too. Well today I texted that I was thinking of her and she said that she is trying to work on her relationship and wants to be friends and said that she feels that I am the only one that she can confide in about her relationship.

    She then went on to say that if she did become single she would want to be wild.

    I am lost now, why would she drunk text a guy she only liked as a friend?

    I am sad because I can't think of a way this would work out that I would be with here. Can anyone woman here give me any perceptive?
     
  2. AlteredEgo

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    It's all true. She does like you, and feels an attraction to you that is more than purely platonic. However, she isn't ready to give up on her relationship, and when she is ready, she wants to be single for a while, despite seeing value in you as a potential partner. Honestly, you'd be crazy to entertain a relationship with a 26 year-old who has never gotten to enjoy being single. You already know that, and you already know this isn't going to end with her as your girlfriend. Move on.
     
  3. sodominsane

    sodominsane Member

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    great advice.....i had a similar experence to you...then she got single and almost followed this to a script
     
  4. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

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    Exactly what I would have said.
     
  5. Kotchanski

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

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    Might as well just ban all the other women on the board.... AE speaks the truth in such a way as to make the rest of us somewhat redundant :eek:

    (The above is not to be taken seriously - Any female bannings that happen at a later date are in no way connected to the above... I'll wait quietly for this to come back and bite me in the ass!)
     
  6. B_crackoff

    B_crackoff New Member

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    Yup, what AE said.

    I had a similar experience, but about a decade younger - she's being honest, but she might use you as an emotional crutch, & even lead you to get it on, but ultimately this spells disaster for you.

    If you only fancied her, a bit of future nookie wouldn't hurt, but you care, & you'll find yourself dragged into complete uncertainty, which will leave you half enraptured, half pining like a dog, & ultimately broken.

    Don't get involved - forget her - move on. Even if she sees you with other women, & seems to make a play for you, don't fall for it, unless it's a couple of years down the line.

    She's uncertain, & wants a temporary emotional back up - don't waste your life caring, waiting, wondering, & missing out on opportunities - she'll be OK.

    You know that you don't want to be that kind of guy.
     
    #6 B_crackoff, Mar 29, 2011
    Last edited: Mar 29, 2011
  7. fire77

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  8. yman74

    yman74 Member

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    Thanks everyone,

    Kind of disappointing news. I was hoping that someone had a senerio for this working out. I am not going to push myself on her but we do have plans to hang out next week some time.
     
  9. yman74

    yman74 Member

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    ok update, we had a very long text conversation last night that became very sexual. The further we get into this the more confusion it becomes. I am very lost on how to handle this now?
     
  10. helgaleena

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    You better let her get out of her relationship before doing more than flirt, or her relationship ex might get dangerous. Also somebody who drunk-texts things of that nature will drunk text to somebody else as well . You are just the lucky one receiving them now. She's thrashing around trying to get free, but guard your own heart for now. Even after she gets free it may be quite a while before she settles on another steady, if she does at all.

    This is not what LTR is based on. Once she has gotten loose, just keep it playful.
     
  11. AlteredEgo

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    yman, I think you may like her too much to be safe going down this road with you. You already know she would like to fuck you. You would like her to be your girlfriend. She doesn't want to be anyone's girlfriend. She wants to get laid. She told you as much, you just aren't listening.
     
  12. Kotchanski

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    Sounds like she's playing with you to me...

    She wants to fuck you, but no more than that and isn't looking for any form of relationship. She's keeping you dangling, building your hopes up while she's drunk enough to say what she's saying, but when sober just wants to be friends and if single one day, have some fun.

    Your her reserve guy, there to make her feel needed and give her the strength and confidence to leave her man, with the added bonus of knowing you want more and will be there if things turn bad when she leaves him.

    I'd run, as fast as I could.
     
  13. JPoster

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    Okay, you are now in the friend zone and headed for the shoulder-to-cry-on zone. Get out. NOW.

    Actually you are like the snack machine. She will come to you when she's hungry for something you can give her to satisfy her momentary need. Then she will walk away.

    What you are looking for and what she is looking for are totally different, and she will not come around to what you want. Let go.
     
  14. yman74

    yman74 Member

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    Thanks for all the great advice and help everyone. If anyone else has anything to share please do. I have no instinct for if a girl likes me and how she likes me. A girl pretty much has to tell me and usually they will never do that. It seems like everyone has a different opinion on this topic. Guess life is never easy, but this has been the story of my life.
     
  15. Incocknito

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    Sorry for caps but they are universal truths.
     
  16. yman74

    yman74 Member

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  17. EmJay

    EmJay New Member

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    1. the girl is using your attention and time to escape from making a choice..but in the end all it will do is keep her in the relationship she is in, because she has you to release her desires with..even if its just emotional.

    2. Did you actually believe that starting a relationship with a young woman who hasn't experienced live yet..or enough as she has stated, and is fresh from a longterm relationship that she ended because she in this case cheated with you...would be the right thing to do for you?. Do you think that could grow into a healthy relationship for you?

    3. You are not 25 anymore..what you should want by now is to find a partner who has dealt with her past relationships, has had some time by herself as an independent woman and is ready to actually love again.
    I see no more than hookup material or rebound in you ...Even if she would be 'the right girl' for you..your timing is way off. Next to that she's rather wishy washy with you..which also displays her ambivalence towards you....


    She has red flag written all over her if you wish to see her as more than a possible hookup..
     
  18. EllieP

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    Gosh, I don't even really have a perspective on this one! It does sound like she was looking for some sympathy without really having any responsibility to respond. When you responded you basically took the bait, and now you're hooked. Just like everybody has said she may be looking for a little wild fun while holding on to the sure thing. Sad. Sad. Sad.
     
  19. yman74

    yman74 Member

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    ok here is an update... We went out the other night and had a great time but nothing happened; boy did she looked good. I know it probably will turn out bad but I don't think I should give up that easily; otherwise I will always wonder what if
     
  20. hungthickone

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    Take her for her word. She wants to Fuck! Wildly! tELL her thats all you need also. That you arent ready for a relationship(even if you are).
     
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