crazy situation needs a womens perpective

[Intrigue]

What I don't think anyone gets here is that for me, this is not some girl. We tell each other everything and we are allways honest with each other. I don't need her to get laid, I am not needy in that department. We have the best time when we go out. Every morning we text good morning and at night we text each other good night. Do you know how hard it is to find a girl who is very sexual, open-minded, adventurous, insightful, and sees why I'm not like other guys. I think her issue is that she is in denial about her relationship being bad. I think as she and I continue to grow closer she will have to make a decision.

The only person in denial here is you buddy. Sorry to tell ya but its the truth. Ild be willing to bet that AE was right and your gonna end up real unhappy when she finally leaves that guy, thanks you with a nice brotherly hug and goes on a rebound spree. Sorry but my whole lifes experience is telling me your in for some rough times. But your in denial so cant/wont see it. Doesn't matter what anyone else here says. Your doomed.

 

[ManlyBanisters]

What we are trying to get across is that you are being played and not even getting laid.

You're a sucker. Before this thread, the idea of you as a sucker was completely foreign.

And yes. You're enabling her, and if you ever manage to convince her to leave her man for you, it will be until some other chump gets her to leave you for him.

You just don't want to hear it.

 

[Guy-jin]

What I don't think anyone gets here is that for me, this is not some girl. We tell each other everything and we are allways honest with each other. I don't need her to get laid, I am not needy in that department. We have the best time when we go out. Every morning we text good morning and at night we text each other good night. Do you know how hard it is to find a girl who is very sexual, open-minded, adventurous, insightful, and sees why I'm not like other guys. I think her issue is that she is in denial about her relationship being bad. I think as she and I continue to grow closer she will have to make a decision.

Answer this question:

What am I getting out of this relationship?



Maybe that sounds selfish, but it isn't. Whether you're filling a void for her, enabling her, or whatever, ultimately what actually matters here is whether you're satisfied with what you're getting. Do you like having her treat you as if she's absolutely in love with you but never being able to achieve an actual coupling with her? Is it possible that's precisely what you want?

I think some people here are being overly hard on you. I'm the type of person who has a history of being head-over-heels for the unobtainable. The very quality of a woman being unobtainable makes her increasingly attractive to me. It has in the past made me pursue women I knew I wouldn't get and basically sabotage the potential for taking said relationships farther in the interest of perpetuating that state. I've got two women in my life right now that are like this--I'm incredibly attracted to them and have had the chance to fuck them silly in the past but didn't do it because we actually like our relationships to be hands-off. The sexual tension is fun.

Frankly, after a month you come back here to tell us that now you two are still texting. To normal people, that seems insane. A normal man pursuing a normal woman would have stopped bothering by now. So I have to question if you aren't quite enjoying things the way they are. Perhaps you like being tormented this way, and if so, that's fine. I will tell you that based on what you've said, I think she wants you in the type of relationship you have now. She loves having you around to tell her how sexy she is and how much like her and to play out a fantasy relationship that's very low risk with you. If you like that too, you guys are fine for now.

If that's genuinely not the case and you hate the way things are now, I think you need to cut off this relationship because she likes it the way it is and you don't. All you have to do is tell her you want a serious relationship with her and if she can't offer that, you have to end it. That puts the ball in her court and removes all risk for you.

Anyway, I'm trying not to be critical. I think you need to reflect if you aren't getting what you want from her already. If not, make the suggested change. If so, keep rolling with it.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I think I have been this girl before. I had a nightly flirtation with a guy from work, every night I worked, for at least an hour each time. He wanted to fuck me, I wanted to fantasize about him fucking me. I'm not sure why, but that's what I wanted. After a few months, he figured out that when I told him the first night we met that I would never fuck him I meant it. He backed off. He was hot. I thought about looking him up once I was single, but I had changed jobs by then, and never did.

You came here for a women's perspective, you claim. I disagree. You came here hoping to have your irrational feelings validated. No one is going to do that.

She tells you everything? You do not know that. She's honest? Maybe, but you do not know that. You think there is all this intimacy beteen you, but that's her joke and you are the punchline. Guy-jin is right. If you like getting blue-balled with no relief on the horizon, strung along with no possible chance of receiving her love, keep doing this indefinitely. If you want a girlfriend, find someone else.

Also: intimacy is ridiculously easy to fake. I have a decade of phone sex experience, and I faked it all the time. Some men will spend way more money if they think the operator and they are falling in love. A lot of men are really not savvy about interpersonal connections and cannot smell a phony. You seem like one of those.

One last thing I have to say is, it makes not a jot of difference whether or not she is just some girl to you. You are just some dude to her. No more special than being at the right place, at the right time, and eager to go along with her bullshit.

 

[L_egit]

Sounds like she's playing with you to me...

She wants to fuck you, but no more than that and isn't looking for any form of relationship

Ding ding. You've found an ingenue.

This really doesn't need a huge chunk of analysis. The above is accurate. She noticed you're into her, she laid some bait and now she wants you to chase her because it strokes her ego to have a middle aged guy at her beck and call. She might not even know that's what she's doing, but that's the template for most power dynamics within relationships.

Does she want to have sex with you? Insofar as it lets her string you along, likely. Otherwise why bother, from her perspective?

Do you know how hard it is to find a girl who is very sexual, open-minded, adventurous, insightful, and sees why I'm not like other guys.

You start the paragraph telling us how much you don't need her, then drop back into desperate man mode shortly thereafter. If you're actually interested in keeping her, you're going to have move past unconscious submission on your part. Even if you get her, she's going to get bored of the inevitable fawning. Either you excise her from your life, or you take her to bed regardless of her boyfriend and stake your claim to her. Playing "Mr. Emotional Crutch" isn't attractive.

 

[Intrigue]

Shush you make too much fucking sense!!!

 

[helgaleena]

OP is getting something out of the texting frenzy, but I think he needs to figure out what it is exactly and not count any unhatched chickens. Just eat the eggs, OP. She's not going to ever be your girlfriend. Only your friend, maybe, if once the thrill of your being off limits has expired she doesn't dump you for some other 'secret' friend.

 

[helgaleena]

Here is a picture of you and her I came across...

http://chzragecomics.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/rage-comics-im-more-of-a-copy-of-myself.jpg

 

[B_Craiggers]

Here is a picture of you and her I came across...

http://chzragecomics.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/rage-comics-im-more-of-a-copy-of-myself.jpg

lol

 

[hoggindaz]

you are a loser with very weak moral character.

Is being a friend-zone cuddle buddy with a woman who is in a relationship the best you can do? do you enjoy buying her dinner, listening to her talk for hours and playing text-tag without making a move on her?

you are pathetic and where i came from people like you who interfere in relationships get smacked.

 

[B_crackoff]

you are a loser with very weak moral character.

Is being a friend-zone cuddle buddy with a woman who is in a relationship the best you can do? do you enjoy buying her dinner, listening to her talk for hours and playing text-tag without making a move on her?

you are pathetic and where i came from people like you who interfere in relationships get smacked.

Harsh! But true! We've all been there, & if you haven't yet - there's plenty of time - it's repeating the same mistake that's unforgiveable.

She's got him wrapped around her finger - no one really gets her, but him - she's the fucking princess in the tower dude, & he's the only one who can hear or save her.

May I recommend the film Lolita?:biggrin1: This girl's a bit older, but - same difference.

 

[AlteredEgo]

Crackoff, I like the analogy.

 

[B_Bjen2848]

you are a loser with very weak moral character.

Is being a friend-zone cuddle buddy with a woman who is in a relationship the best you can do? do you enjoy buying her dinner, listening to her talk for hours and playing text-tag without making a move on her?

you are pathetic and where i came from people like you who interfere in relationships get smacked.

^this^

OP, you've been texting back and forth like 15 year old kids who's mommy just put unlimitted text on their phone, yet you still haven't even kissed her?

dude, common get in the game ... she is in a boring relationship and she is offering you a LAY UP, all you have to do is lay it in, and you keep tripping over your own shoe laces

NO, she does NOT want a relationship with you, she already is in one, at best you can be her boytoy number 2 (or 3, 4 or 5) while she dates her main man

do yourself a favor and bang her or never talk to her again because she is playing you like a piano ... she is having all the positives of having outside attention to validate her hotness, with out being looked as a cheating slut by not breaking you off any of her poon ... its a win-win for her, and you are sitting at home with your penis in one hand and your cell phone in the other while your head is up your ass

with that being said do this

1. stop texting her ... yes, NOW .. STOP
2. if she wants to be anything with you, she would text you
3. most likely she will not for a few days...
4. but after like day 2 or 3 she will ask you why you haven't talked to her
5. tell her straight up that you're tired of games, make it black and white, no gray areas
6. she will choose who she wants (most likely her bf)
7. move on and never think about her again because she only thinks of you as a third pillow, yeah its nice to have on, but it is def not a essential

 

[Guy-jin]

This is half playing devil's advocate.

you are a loser with very weak moral character.

If chicky is so stuck in her relationship, she shouldn't step out of bounds herself by texting the guy. She's the one with weak moral character, not this guy.

Is being a friend-zone cuddle buddy with a woman who is in a relationship the best you can do? do you enjoy buying her dinner, listening to her talk for hours and playing text-tag without making a move on her?

It never occurred to you that he may indeed be enjoying this. How else would you explain him continuing on this way for months? I mean, besides that this is precisely what he wants.

you are pathetic and where i came from people like you who interfere in relationships get smacked.

Why, are you from a 1940s era Popeye cartoon or something?

 

[AlteredEgo]

Why, are you from a 1940s era Popeye cartoon or something?

Warner Bros. I am filling my glove with a magical anvil, and preparing to smack a challenge!

 

[sexualnapalm]

Warner Bros. I am filling my glove with a magical anvil, and preparing to smack a challenge!

Please be careful of falling safes and pianos AE!

 

[double_digit]

I think her issue is that she is in denial about her relationship being bad. I think as she and I continue to grow closer she will have to make a decision.

Not to harp and chime in where others have already so glibly given you SOUND and reasonable advice. So I will say something different:

Wish in one hand. Shit in the other. See which fills first.

Figured I'd try a much lower brow approach. ;>

Warner Bros. I am filling my glove with a magical anvil, and preparing to smack a challenge!

Please be careful of falling safes and pianos AE!

Behave, all of you, or it's THE DIP for the lot of yas!!

YouTube - ‪OMG It's DIP‬‏

 

[deedsforfun]

What I don't think anyone gets here is that for me, this is not some girl. We tell each other everything and we are allways honest with each other. I don't need her to get laid, I am not needy in that department. We have the best time when we go out. Every morning we text good morning and at night we text each other good night. Do you know how hard it is to find a girl who is very sexual, open-minded, adventurous, insightful, and sees why I'm not like other guys. I think her issue is that she is in denial about her relationship being bad. I think as she and I continue to grow closer she will have to make a decision.

Its not as bad as she's making you think it is....or she'd have left. Shes not getting everything she wants from him. It may be sex, but I'm hearing she doesn't get the exciting little things women need. The sexy texts everyday from him, compliments and attention. He's gotten comfortable, which is typical of 75% of men.

Shes using you to fill those voids. She just doesn't want to go as far as fucking you yet. She gets drunk and says things she really is thinking, but her mind wont let her say it sober.

Here's the thing. You could easily fuck her......well I could, not sure you could. But all it would take is an outing where you wound her up real good and she'd come off of it.

But......BUT. Remember this when you have a women you care about and some guy on LPSG is sexting her in middle of the night trying to fuck her while you're a sleep. Cause that's what you are doing. We don't know the real situation of their relationship. You are really doing some shady shit here. I would back off. If they split then ok. Dont be that guy.

Besides, do you really think she'll stop this once you fuck her. If shes doing it with you, she'll do it with someone else too.

 

[Kotchanski]

I love that you think it is us that "doesn't get it"... to be fair, I think a few of the guys in this thread, yourself included don't, but most of the women seem to know what's going on!

You are nothing but a safety net.

I don't care how many text the pair of you send, I don't care what she says sober or drunk, and I certainly don't care about all the fun you have while you're out together. I've been there, done it, and they were all safety nets.

This girl needs to feel wanted, and needs to be in a relationship. Things aren't going as well with her current one as she'd like, it may be his fault, it could easily be hers, but it is just as likely that she's the type who is constantly planning ahead "in case the worst happens" and you are there so that she has a ready made relationship to hop into the second things fuck up.

All of my safety nets got hurt in the end, they believed 100% that we had a deep and special friendship, something no other could understand. They couldn't see that they were always given just enough to keep them from looking elsewhere, not enough to make them possessive.

Eternal hope for the eternally blind.

I'm not proud of how I used to be, I fucking hate that I felt the need to do it, I hate myself even more for actually doing it. She's doing the same... Wake up.

 

[yman74]

Ok.... Here is the update.... Thinks were at a stalemate for a while... we chatted and flirted on text, but when we hung out it was very pg, until last Friday... She was looking at me differently and we made out by her car and things went further..... I guess I am the other guy now.... I would feel guilty, but she obviously wanted it to happen, and she is not married to the guy and they have no kids.....

Guess my issues are.... I have never went from being friends with a girl to fucking her... How will it change our friendship, what are the limits? Plus, how do I handle being the other guy.... Know just so everyone knows I don't want to be the other guy forever, sooner or later she is going have to make a choice, but for now I am just trying to go with the flow