Creative puns

Discussion in 'Funny Stuff: Jokes, Quizzes, Games & Pics' started by Principessa, Aug 7, 2009.

  1. Principessa

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    Creative puns

    1. The roundest knight at King Arthurs Round Table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

    2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

    3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

    4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated in an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

    5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

    6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

    7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road, and was cited for littering.

    8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

    9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

    10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

    12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

    13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other, You stay here, I'll go on a head.

    14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

    15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said, Keep off the Grass.

    16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said, No change yet.

    17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

    19. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

    20. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    21 A backward poet writes inverse.

    22. In a democracy, its your vote that counts. In feudalism, its your count that votes.

    23. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

    24. Don't join dangerous cults, practice safe sects!



    :rofl: :lmao: :rofl: :lmao: :rofl: :lmao: :rofl: :lmao:
     
  2. OffTLeash

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  3. DiscoBoy

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    Fantastic! :lmao:
     
  4. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    Confucious say,1) "baseball wrong; man with four balls cannot walk"
    2) Passionate kiss like spiderweb; always lead to undoing of fly."
    3)"Woman who marry detective get to kiss dick."
    4)"man who run in front of car get tired."
    5)"wife who puts husband in doghouse will soon find him in cathouse"
    6)"Takes many nails to build a crib, but takes only one screw to fill." it.:biggrin:
    7)"Support bacteria- it's the only culture some people have."
    8)"Man who eats many prunes get good run for money."
    9)"Man that gets stuck in pantry have ass in jam."
    10)"Secretary not permanent fixture till screwed on top of desk."
    11)"Virginity like bubble; one prick, all gone."
    12)"War not determine who right, war determine who left."
    13)"Person that behaves like ass will soon be butt of others who crack jokes."
    14)"Marriage like poker; start with pair, end with full house."
     
  5. whatireallywant

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    Another Confucius Say one:

    He who farts in church sits in his own pew.

    And then there's the Bullwinkle episode where Bullwinkle finds a boat that is covered with red jewels and has the words "Omar Khayyam" on it. He takes it to a jeweler and the jeweler says it is made of rubies - which means it's the... Ruby Yacht of Omar Khayyam! (I love me some Bullwinkle cartoons! :biggrin1:)
     
  6. B_mitchymo

    B_mitchymo New Member

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    I loved reading these and felt inspired to come up with some of my own, hope you like!

    1. A hindu friend of mine tells me his father is into bondage, i call him Poppa Dom.

    2. Don't use Iberian airlines, you might catch spanish flu.

    3. The key to a good mood is in your eating habits, have an egg for breakfast to crack you up, slip your fingers down your throat after lunch as that should make you chuck-le, invite an lpsg member around for dinner, perhaps that will keep your Pecker up, drink some champagne to leave you feeling bubbly, and for supper just eat from the fridge to leave you feeling chilled.

    4. The key to a long life is triple murder!
     
  7. B_mitchymo

    B_mitchymo New Member

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    No feedback? I'm gutted! haha that was another one!
     
  8. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    What did the guru say when he drove his car into a herd of cattle?

    Holy cow!
     
  9. B_mitchymo

    B_mitchymo New Member

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    Did you hear about Lord of the manor with a 12 foot croc?

    He is a master gator
     
  10. B_mitchymo

    B_mitchymo New Member

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    I liked this, really good. :biggrin1:

    Where are everyone elses creative puns tho, i thought this thread might be more popular! :frown1:
     
  11. vince

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    I dreamed that I was riding a blue Ducati. It turned out to be a pigment of my imagination.
     
  12. B_mitchymo

    B_mitchymo New Member

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    lmao, nice!
     
  13. B_mitchymo

    B_mitchymo New Member

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    Here Joll, here it is! :biggrin1:
     
  14. MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK

    MASSIVEPKGO_CHUCK Well-Known Member

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    More confucious.

    Confucious say:
    1) Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
    2)Man who jizz into cash register come into money.
    3)Good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.
    4)Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
    5)Man who take sleeping pill and laxative in the same night will wake up in deep shit.
    6)State of pregnancy exist when woman take seriously something poked in fun.
    7)He who buries a man's wife alive, should not expect to sit at that man's table without the subject coming up.
    8)Man trapped in brothel get jerked around.
    9)Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, wise man just spread limbs:naughty:
    10)Man who tell too many light bulb jokes soon burn out.
    11)Man who lay woman on ground gets piece on earth.
    12)Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner.
    13)Wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn.
    14)Don't sweat the petty stuff... and don't pet the sweaty stuff.
     
  15. Pecker

    Pecker Retired Moderator
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    Dijon vu - I swear I've tasted this mustard before.
     
  16. B_mitchymo

    B_mitchymo New Member

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    zookeeper 1:- It's a bit cold today Bob.

    zookeeper 2:- I would'nt say cold Jim, just a little girafty!
     
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