Criteria, Preferences & Limits

Discussion in 'Sex With a Large Penis' started by Bbucko, Jul 10, 2010.

  1. Bbucko

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2006
    Messages:
    7,413
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sunny SoFla
    To a greater or lesser degree, we all have deal makers/breakers when it comes to how and with whom you'd have sex with someone. I break these down into three categories based on how rigidly these rules apply to my selection-making process.

    Criteria are things which must be met before any sexual contact is considered and are non-negotiable.

    Preferences are attributes/traits that figure strongly into my selections, but are all, to one degree or the other, flexible: none are absolute in and of themselves.

    Limits are individual acts which are off the table, regardless of how many of the criteria and preferences are otherwise met. My own limits are not subject to negotiation, though I find many people will state a specific limit only to wind up bending/breaking them during a specific encounter: I push limits, but never break them without specific permission.

    Each person has every right and responsibility to set these as s/he sees fit, review them from time to time to re-assess what makes sense logically for themselves, and alter them with experience and changes in one's situations (location, health issues, etc). Mine are mine: yours are yours. I do not want this to turn into a judgment quest and would hope that anyone who chooses to respond to this thread does so as frankly and with as much honesty as possible.

    I understand that by posting this, I am setting myself up for a variety of criticisms, especially among n00bs and/or those who didn't follow my first few hundred posts, when I was generally more open about the nature of my own sexuality and how I choose to express it. Please bear in mind that I am not advocating anything, only telling the truth regarding my own sexual expression. Feel free to disagree with me (or anyone else who posts here), but try and maintain as open and clear a mind as possible.

    Here are my criteria:
    1) The person must be HIV+;
    2) The person must be a submissive bottom (male or female), at least in our interactions;
    3) The person must be open to a range of "extreme" play, to be determined by his/her limits, but vanilla just doesn't work for me any more;
    4) The person must be truthful, open and honest in all matters of communication; if I cannot trust them I will not deal with them on any level, let alone fuck them.

    Here are my preferences:
    1) He should be modestly endowed, and unless overwhelmingly desirable should be uncircumcised;
    2) He or she should be somewhere between 5' and 5'10; I am not attracted to tall people generally;
    3) He or she should be height/weight proportionate, preferably with a physique that seems more natural than gym-obsessed;
    4) He or she should be possessed of a clear and curious mind: I do not find "cute but dumb" attractive;
    5) He or she should be somewhere between 30 and 55 unless otherwise extremely compelling in other ways.

    Here are my limits:
    1) I am a strictly non-versatile top and do not use condoms; I rarely if ever find any interest in or play with my ass in any way desirable;
    2) I do not perform scat in any form or fashion;
    3) Everything must be entirely consensual by both parties;
    4) Though personally deeply ambivalent regarding monogamy, if a relationship is mutually-agreed upon as monogamous, a discussion regarding any opening of the relationship must be had and agreed to mutually in its entirety before any extra-relationship sex occurs.

    As stated above, these are mine. What are yours?
     
  2. Bbucko

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2006
    Messages:
    7,413
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sunny SoFla
  3. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2010
    Messages:
    9,873
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NSW, Australia
    OK, I'll give it a go.

    Criteria:
    I don't have many criteria. I'd like to put some of my preferences in as criteria but to be honest I've not been as picky as I should have been.

    1) Male
    2) Reasonably pleasant ie. I get along with them well enough.
    3) Use of condoms if not a LTR.


    Preferences:
    These become criteria when considering a LTR of any sort.

    1) Dominant tendencies in the bedroom - the more, the better.
    2) Honest and open.
    3) A genuine enjoyment of sex.
    4) High sex drive (added since my last ex).
    5) Into BDSM - the more the better.
    6) 7 inches or more.


    Limits:
    1) The usual - no children, animals, or dead people.
    2) No scat or golden showers.
    3) I am completely incapable of being anything but a sub.
    4) No rimming (giving - receiving is fine)

    I probably have more limits than this but can't think of more at the moment.
     
  4. TheRob

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2007
    Messages:
    5,001
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    612
    ifyou find yoruself getting along with me let me know we might be LTR material ; P
     
  5. Bbucko

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2006
    Messages:
    7,413
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sunny SoFla
    First of all: thanks for the honest and frank replies.

    My criteria/preferences have gone through numerous variations and switches over the years, so I understand perfectly.

    I didn't mention anything about personality (beyond trustworthiness) in either my criteria or preferences, probably something of an oversight, and probably because I tend to prefer bad boys/feral types. Either good guys bore me to tears or else I wind up ripping them to shreds (not one of more positive qualities, to be sure).


    Interesting preferences: I guess the sub/dom BDSM issues get resolved through communicating limits. Not that I need to tell you, but give a Dom and inch and he'll take a yard without proper rules and limits set in place.


    The usual (#1) falls under my category of "consent", though of course I have zero interest in any of the things you mention specifically, either.

    Golden Showers (WS) came rather recently on my menu of acceptable play, and only under the most capricious of instances am I anything but a giver. As a sub, I can understand your reluctance: it's gotta be something thought-out and planned in advance and should be as clear as possible. During an average session, I can easily go through a gallon or two of tepid black tea; among other things, it facilitates GS/WS, which is in high demand here in the gay community of SoFla.

    I just don't get scat, and I have no intention of ever attempting to understand it. It's a total deal-breaker for me.

    Rimming remains a deeply personal choice, as it's not without its risks: it's a fair limit, especially since you wouldn't be exploring an ass any more than that, so why bother?
     
  6. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2010
    Messages:
    9,873
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NSW, Australia

    I might just have to keep an eye on you then if you meet my criteria/preferences :biggrin1:
     
  7. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2010
    Messages:
    9,873
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NSW, Australia
    You're welcome :smile:. I find it to be an interesting topic. I nearly didn't answer because it seemed like a lot of effort, but someone had to start the ball rolling.


    Me neither (besides the fact that I have to get along with them). I also like the bad boy types though. Nice boys just don't appeal to my masochistic submissive side :biggrin1:.

    For me it needs to be there. I find vanilla sex way too boring for LTRs. Nice and fun, but missing something. And it's important to me that partners understand that I can't switch. It's just not in me.

    It's actually quite ironic how powerful a sub can be if there is proper respect in a relationship. I think that is part of why I find the whole thing appealing - you get protection and safety, but have immense power. Of course most of the appeal isn't really logical at all - it just feels right :smile:.


    I can't really say that these are particularly firm limits for me. They are boundaries that could possibly be pushed. It would have to be a fairly special situation for me to do either of these, but I could possibly imagine revising these slightly some years down the track. Possibly. Probably not, but possibly.


    This one is definitely a deal breaker for me too.
     
  8. Bbucko

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2006
    Messages:
    7,413
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    58
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    Sunny SoFla
    I'm the same way in two regards: I am never penetrated and I cannot accept a steady diet of vanilla anymore. I can be as tender as the next guy, but when I wanna play, I play rough.



    I have repeatedly tried to make people here understand that all the power in BDSM comes from the submissive. The reason is really simple: a Dom can only work inside the limits of what the sub will tolerate, otherwise it's no longer consensual.

    I have heard many stories, however, of Dom(me)s taking things to extremes so far beyond the sub's limits that one encounter has ruined a several-year relationship. I don't get it, but then I push but ultimately respect the sub's limits (and I only ever play sober).


    Aside from occasionally pissing into a bathtub with someone inside, I considered it entirely off-limits until about four years ago. It was only the continued requests from guys whom I'd meet that led me to consider giving: in that period of time I've taken three times, though I've given dozens (if not scores) of times.

    It's 98% psychological, like most extreme sex. You either get it or you don't. But, just you're aware, piss is sterile and contains no HIV, so from that perspective it's considered safer sex. It does contain whatever medications (or drugs) your partner's taking: bear that in mind.
     
  9. TomCat84

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2009
    Messages:
    3,497
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    32
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    Hmmm, fascinating topic- I wonder why more people haven't responded.

    Criteria:
    I don't have many, actually, besides the usual.
    1) 18 or over
    2) I would put "Male", as I've never had sex with a woman/girl, but I can't say with 100% certainty that I would NEVER have sex with a female.
    3) Poz-friendly

    Preferences:
    1) Male
    2) 21-40ish
    3) Hung at least average
    4) dominant, non versatile Top (I am rarely the top, but it has been known to happen for the right little dude)
    5) Tall (6 feet or more)
    6) Bigger than me
    7) non white ( preferably Latino :biggrin: )

    Limits:
    1) no scat or blood
    2) I dont rim

    I'll probably think of some other stuff, and add as I do so.
     
  10. HiddenLacey

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2010
    Messages:
    5,470
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    248
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    somewhere
    Criteria:
    Over 21
    male that I am attracted to, haven't gone very far on the female side
    has a job and pays his bills in a timely fashion
    Not a smart-ass
    100% STD free and the use of condoms until further discussed (marriage more than likely)

    Preferences:
    Male
    25-40ish though I would consider someone older if he interested me
    I do not have a race preference though I have only dated white/middle eastern men
    6ft or above, I might date someone shorter I just have never been approached by shorter guys
    reasonably fit and energetic
    medium-high sex drive
    Interested in trying different things
    Protector type quiet guy with a big heart
    I prefer someone more dominant (this does not mean a Dom) in the bedroom and willing to take the lead without me asking

    Limits:
    No scat
    no extreme pain
    no branding
    no animals
    no dead people
    no underage
    no cheating (because he will be dumped)
     
    #10 HiddenLacey, Jul 12, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 12, 2010
  11. D_Harvey Schmeckel

    D_Harvey Schmeckel New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2006
    Messages:
    577
    Likes Received:
    6
    Criteria: of legal age, sincerely interested in fuck buddy relationship with both of us. Fucking will be the major focus, always with condoms.

    Preferences: well endowed and fit males 40-60, fully versatile. Highly verbal but otherwise vanilla. HIV-. Attitude of flexibility and egalitarianism, no power trips.

    Limits: no married guys or guys cheating on partners. No sub/dom, sm, or kink beyond the mildest level.
     
  12. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2010
    Messages:
    9,873
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NSW, Australia
    I'm into rough play too. I love to mix my pain and pleasure, but for me it's about the mindfuck more than anything.

    Yep, if people are playing respectfully and responsibly the sub is the powerful one. Funny how people just don't get that.


    You also see a lot of people who don't really understand what it's about jumping in and doing this sort of thing. Most often it seems to be people who misunderstand the role of the Dom and think they are supposed to be the powerful ones.

    I actually really feel for Doms though. It's a massive responsibility to be so entrusted with someone's physical and mental being. And I can see how it would be easy to push just that bit too far.


    The pushing of limits is part of the fun :biggrin1:. But it is so important to do this carefully as you've said you do. I would have had many more limits on my list if it wasn't for other people respectfully pushing them away.
     
  13. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2010
    Messages:
    9,873
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NSW, Australia
    Probably for the same reason I didn't straight away - it seems like too much effort. It actually takes thought and a little time.



    Maybe I'm missing something obvious here, or I'm just really naive, but what does this mean? :redface:
     
  14. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2010
    Messages:
    9,873
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NSW, Australia
    You're a bit fussier than me here. I think you have a little more common sense :smile:
     
  15. HiddenLacey

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2010
    Messages:
    5,470
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    248
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    somewhere
    Seriously I'll drop most of those for the right person with the exception of has a job/ pays bills and is not a smart-ass.

    I cannot stand jerks. I don't want to associate with them or hang around them and I distance myself from them as much as possible and at this point as SOON as possible! Nothing bothers me more than people who crack asshole jokes at other people. Nastiness. I have found as I have gotten older those people bother me more than anyone else.
     
  16. TomCat84

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2009
    Messages:
    3,497
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    32
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    San Diego, CA
    "Poz" is a term for folks who are HIV+....hence, "poz friendly" (at least in the context of my post) means people who are ok having sex with someone who is HIV+
     
  17. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2010
    Messages:
    9,873
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NSW, Australia

    I don't like nastiness either. Nasty people won't last too long with me.

    I think one reason our lists are a little different is that NSA is OK for me, but not for you. A guy doesn't really need to have a job and pay his bills if you're only going to have sex with them :smile:.
     
  18. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2010
    Messages:
    9,873
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NSW, Australia
    Ah, that makes sense. Thanks :smile:
     
  19. HiddenLacey

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2010
    Messages:
    5,470
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    248
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    somewhere
    This is true, I have never been in a situation to want or need NSA sex. I have been in two LTR's. I wouldn't say that I would never do it, but honestly I'd be worried about things like, what if the condom breaks... how well do I really know him... what if I got pregnant... what if he has something...etc

    Seriously the way to orgasm is to enjoy myself not worry to death:rolleyes:

    I think if I had a close friend I would consider it. But he would still have to be special to me.
     
  20. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2010
    Messages:
    9,873
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NSW, Australia

    I could see that worrying may not be conducive to good sex. :smile:

    I've always wished there was a pill for STDs. I'm on the contraceptive pill so pregnancy is pretty well covered, even if the condom breaks. Condom breakage and STDs do worry me though.

    To be honest, if I got pregnant accidentally I would probably be overjoyed. I've been clucky since I was in my early twenties so even a baby resulting from an NSA encounter would probably make me happy. I'm way too sensible to have one on purpose because my circumstances aren't ideal, but if an accident happened . . .
     
Draft saved Draft deleted