Criteria, Preferences & Limits

[HiddenLacey]

I could see that worrying may not be conducive to good sex. :smile:

I've always wished there was a pill for STDs. I'm on the contraceptive pill so pregnancy is pretty well covered, even if the condom breaks. Condom breakage and STDs do worry me though.

To be honest, if I got pregnant accidentally I would probably be overjoyed. I've been clucky since I was in my early twenties so even a baby resulting from an NSA encounter would probably make me happy. I'm way too sensible to have one on purpose because my circumstances aren't ideal, but if an accident happened . . .

Oh, I'm on the pill too, but it could still happen. Not that it really matters because I would keep it, period. But I kind of would like to be with a man that would take some interest in his childs future, without knowing the guy I would just be guessing.

Preferences can change I have the right to be wishy-washy...

 

[B_subgirrl]

Oh, I'm on the pill too, but it could still happen. Not that it really matters because I would keep it, period. But I kind of would like to be with a man that would take some interest in his childs future, without knowing the guy I would just be guessing.

I've spent the last 9 years hoping my pill would fail - no luck :frown1:. Ideally I would like to have a nice happy family with a husband and 2.4 kids, but as I get older I think it's less and less likely to happen. One can still hope though.

Preferences can change I have the right to be wishy-washy...

I would have called it sensible actually :smile:. Something I could do with a bit more of at times.

 

[cherychoper]

Reading this thread, leaves me with one thought. If only more people would explore all you have discussed here before becoming involved there would be many more people having extraordinarily fulfilling relationships.

Even simply making the lists you have made here gets so much out of the way, and gives each a chance to know the limits and likes of the one they are planing to meet.

The ease with which you are sharing really important information in this thread is refreshing. How many do you think are together for months before these issues are voiced?

Thank you for an informative discussion.

 

[Bbucko]

Hmmm, fascinating topic- I wonder why more people haven't responded.

Honestly, I think it's a combination of things. Unlike most of the threads that have become so prevalent over the last few years, there's no confabulation here: it's about truthful sharing rather than wank material, and truthful sharing, even in an anonymous internet forum, can be intimidating.

And, as Subgirrl said, it requires some thought, though certainly no more real thought than a constructive post in any of the other fora. I know I sound like an old fart by saying this, but there was a time when most of the threads here were more thought-provoking than what we scroll past all too often these last few years.

Criteria:
I don't have many, actually, besides the usual.
1) 18 or over
2) I would put "Male", as I've never had sex with a woman/girl, but I can't say with 100% certainty that I would NEVER have sex with a female.
3) Poz-friendly

I've had sex with two women, and came very close with a third; beyond that, I have had at least two adult (over age 30) crushes on women. I don't rule out the possibility that I might meet either an F2M TS without a phalloplasty or a woman, fitting my criteria and preferences otherwise, could work out fine for me. My gay/straight percentage here used to be 30% straight, but I eventually changed it.

We all have the right and responsibility to set our own attitudes regarding serosorting and I completely respect your choice in that regard. It's also very different for bottoms than it is for tops; but I shall never forget my one-and-only encounter with a beautiful guy who worked for MTV-Latino in Miami who claimed to be not just "poz-friendly", but whose latest ex was poz, so I decided to give it a go as physically, he was the type that gets my dick drooling hard before we even touch. Maybe I was significantly larger than his ex (or any of his previous playmates, though I find that far-fetched ), but there was a look of sheer terror in his eyes when I put on a condom and started to attempt penetration (after my usual, extensive warm-up): I couldn't continue. He was as close to panic as he could get. That was the last time I even attempted it, and that was in 2004.

Preferences:
1) Male
2) 21-40ish
3) Hung at least average
4) dominant, non versatile Top (I am rarely the top, but it has been known to happen for the right little dude)
5) Tall (6 feet or more)
6) Bigger than me
7) non white ( preferably Latino :biggrin: )

By default, based on my preferences, I almost inevitably end up with a Latino: I refer to them as my favorite flavor of man.

Limits:
1) no scat or blood
2) I dont rim

I'll probably think of some other stuff, and add as I do so.

I don't go looking for blood and don't care much for anything that would make bleeding inevitable, but I have had one encounter with a natural "bleeder", and once I got over the shock, it ramped up my drive in a way that I cannot describe logically. The emotional aftermath of having shattered that limit, at the time, was profound.

 

[HiddenLacey]

I've spent the last 9 years hoping my pill would fail - no luck :frown1:. Ideally I would like to have a nice happy family with a husband and 2.4 kids, but as I get older I think it's less and less likely to happen. One can still hope though.

Seriously I just said "oh hell no," outloud as I read that. You know you can do better than that. Don't worry about it, it will happen if it's meant to. Just be happy and find joy in each day. The happier you are the better life seems to go all around, thats my opinion of course.

I would have called it sensible actually :smile:. Something I could do with a bit more of at times.

I have been called many things, sensible has never been one of them. Sorry I'm getting out of Bbucko's thread now before he pinches me or something:tongue: Sorry Bbucko!!!!!!!

 

[jimmenycricket]

Anybody, what is scat. please.

 

[Pendlum]

Anybody, what is scat. please.

Feces, shit, etc.

 

[HiddenLacey]

Reading this thread, leaves me with one thought. If only more people would explore all you have discussed here before becoming involved there would be many more people having extraordinarily fulfilling relationships.

Even simply making the lists you have made here gets so much out of the way, and gives each a chance to know the limits and likes of the one they are planing to meet.

The ease with which you are sharing really important information in this thread is refreshing. How many do you think are together for months before these issues are voiced?

Thank you for an informative discussion.

Ugh, I confess I am horrible at enforcing my own rules. If I ever have children they may just walk all over me. Just kidding. Seriously I have been pretty bad about not making sure I was happy in a relantionship or getting my needs met whatever they were. Now I've decided that anyone I may consider dating in the future has to meet certain desires or I will bypass them. I have to, so that I can be happy. I do not think anything I want is unreasonable.

 

[B_subgirrl]

I have been called many things, sensible has never been one of them. Sorry I'm getting out of Bbucko's thread now before he pinches me or something:tongue: Sorry Bbucko!!!!!!!

We're unfortunately good at derailing other people's threads when we get chatting - even threads we like! Apologies from me too :smile:

 

[cherychoper]

Ugh, I confess I am horrible at enforcing my own rules. If I ever have children they may just walk all over me. Just kidding. Seriously I have been pretty bad about not making sure I was happy in a relantionship or getting my needs met whatever they were. Now I've decided that anyone I may consider dating in the future has to meet certain desires or I will bypass them. I have to, so that I can be happy. I do not think anything I want is unreasonable.

Very few of us can really stick to our own rules. But at least having stated your likes and dislikes gives you a chance to be with a person who shares your tastes.

I love oral, by example, but cannot stand a partner that has no personal hygiene. OK, I'm a clean freak, but it is so much easier for the one wnating to meet me to know that before, not later.

I agree it is much easier to tell some "these are my criteria" than discovering they really don't fit once you are together.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Reading this thread, leaves me with one thought. If only more people would explore all you have discussed here before becoming involved there would be many more people having extraordinarily fulfilling relationships.

Even simply making the lists you have made here gets so much out of the way, and gives each a chance to know the limits and likes of the one they are planing to meet.

The ease with which you are sharing really important information in this thread is refreshing. How many do you think are together for months before these issues are voiced?

Thank you for an informative discussion.

My best FB relationship started after we'd already been talking about sex for a few months. We already knew a lot of what did and didn't work for each other before we even started. And we keep discussing stuff. I think it really does make for a good relationship.

And where's your list cherychoper? :smile:

 

[Bbucko]

Criteria:
Over 21
male that I am attracted to, haven't gone very far on the female side
has a job and pays his bills in a timely fashion
Not a smart-ass
100% STD free and the use of condoms until further discussed (marriage more than likely)

A good, responsible well-natured guy is a great thing, and would make perfect sense for you as I have learned what I have from your posting history.

My rule when discussing STDs with HIV- people tends to make me sound very conservative, but frankly it is the best way to protect yourself: a minimum of 18 months monogamous commitment should be mandatory before any discussion of condom-free sex makes sense. Then make joint appointments and sign all necessary HIPPA documents and get a full-panel screening (including HPV and Herpes): have the results discussed only in the presence of each other (no private consults). Never trust anyone who would not agree to those conditions: this is an issue of trust-but-verify, not privacy.

Preferences:
Male
25-40ish though I would consider someone older if he interested me
I do not have a race preference though I have only dated white/middle eastern men
6ft or above, I might date someone shorter I just have never been approached by shorter guys
reasonably fit and energetic
medium-high sex drive
Interested in trying different things
Protector type quiet guy with a big heart
I prefer someone more dominant (this does not mean a Dom) in the bedroom and willing to take the lead without me asking

All are completely reasonable. But as someone who's only 5'6, I gotta say smaller guys can lead to big surprises

Limits:
No scat
no extreme pain
no branding
no animals
no dead people
no underage
no cheating (because he will be dumped)

I'm not into body modifications, though don't really discriminate against them. I do ask, however, that any PA be removed if he expects me to put that thing in my mouth: teeth are fragile and expensive to fix. I have no tattoos nor would I even consider one any more: they're just not me, and 95% of the tattoos I see are either vulgar, clichéed or both.

Cheating is open to interpretation and presume that you mean body-to-body contact of a sexual nature with anyone other than you. If that extends to enjoyment of porn or, maybe, camming then it really should be discussed in great detail. FWIW, I've never started a relationship that wasn't closed nor ended one that wasn't at least partially open, though only one, when I was in my early 20s, ended over infidelity because he broke a rule regarding how open the relationship was to be maintained. It's a trust issue.

 

[B_subgirrl]

Honestly, I think it's a combination of things. Unlike most of the threads that have become so prevalent over the last few years, there's no confabulation here: it's about truthful sharing rather than wank material, and truthful sharing, even in an anonymous internet forum, can be intimidating.

And, as Subgirrl said, it requires some thought, though certainly no more real thought than a constructive post in any of the other fora. I know I sound like an old fart by saying this, but there was a time when most of the threads here were more thought-provoking than what we scroll past all too often these last few years.

I'm loving this thread too. I like threads that make me think, and it's interesting to see what other people consider to be criteria, preferences and limits. As far as wank fodder goes - this thread is better wank material for me than many of the other threads hanging around at the moment.

 

[HiddenLacey]

Very few of us can really stick to our own rules. But at least having stated your likes and dislikes gives you a chance to be with a person who shares your tastes.

I love oral, by example, but cannot stand a partner that has no personal hygiene. OK, I'm a clean freak, but it is so much easier for the one wnating to meet me to know that before, not later.

I agree it is much easier to tell some "these are my criteria" than discovering they really don't fit once you are together.

I seriously just pictured a guy handing me a list with the above "example," phrased as a question:tongue:

IMO it is good to think about things like this and until Bbucko made this post I had not really made a list. There are a million other things that I prefer that are not on my list. Those listed are just the main things I would want as a requirement for a possible mate. The other subgirl and I had actually talked about how wonderful it would be if we could all exchange sexual preferences on a list as well to automatically know if this person was going to be all we needed them to be.

 

[TomCat84]

We all have the right and responsibility to set our own attitudes regarding serosorting and I completely respect your choice in that regard. It's also very different for bottoms than it is for tops; but I shall never forget my one-and-only encounter with a beautiful guy who worked for MTV-Latino in Miami who claimed to be not just "poz-friendly", but whose latest ex was poz, so I decided to give it a go as physically, he was the type that gets my dick drooling hard before we even touch. Maybe I was significantly larger than his ex (or any of his previous playmates, though I find that far-fetched ), but there was a look of sheer terror in his eyes when I put on a condom and started to attempt penetration (after my usual, extensive warm-up): I couldn't continue. He was as close to panic as he could get. That was the last time I even attempted it, and that was in 2004.

I'm confused....how does that situation relate to sero sorting? Was he just afraid of your dick size?

 

[Bbucko]

Criteria: of legal age, sincerely interested in fuck buddy relationship with both of us. Fucking will be the major focus, always with condoms.

Preferences: well endowed and fit males 40-60, fully versatile. Highly verbal but otherwise vanilla. HIV-. Attitude of flexibility and egalitarianism, no power trips.

Limits: no married guys or guys cheating on partners. No sub/dom, sm, or kink beyond the mildest level.

Thanks for responding. I appreciate your entirely different goals/expectations.

For a hook-up, I truly don't care if he's involved or not; ultimately it's his decision as an adult to make, not mine. If it becomes a recurring FB situation and our liaisons are causing him stress that he discusses with me, then I'd probably cut it off. Romantic involvement with an otherwise involved man would never happen, and if I eventually found out that I was something "on the side", there'd be hell to pay: I mean serious, hellish drama.

 

[HiddenLacey]

A good, responsible well-natured guy is a great thing, and would make perfect sense for you as I have learned what I have from your posting history

Yeah, no meaners for me, I've had enough of those to last a lifetime

My rule when discussing STDs with HIV- people tends to make me sound very conservative, but frankly it is the best way to protect yourself: a minimum of 18 months monogamous commitment should be mandatory before any discussion of condom-free sex makes sense. Then make joint appointments and sign all necessary HIPPA documents and get a full-panel screening (including HPV and Herpes): have the results discussed only in the presence of each other (no private consults). Never trust anyone who would not agree to those conditions: this is an issue of trust-but-verify, not privacy.

Well doing the type of work I do, I have worked in an OB/GYN clinic that was connected to an Infectious Disease clinic. I would guess a good majority of the population wears blinders when in comes to STD's. Being responsible for my body and my well being and not entrusting it to the wrong person is the only way I feel safe. To be honest with you I have met enough people whos spouses cheated on them and gave them an STD than I have ever wanted to. I understand that you can never trust anyone. I will see results or it isn't happening. Now that being said, if I were positive I would change my criteria to reflect that.

All are completely reasonable. But as someone who's only 5'6, I gotta say smaller guys can lead to big surprises

Awww, your kind of larger than life to me, such a nice guy:biggrin1: I'm 5'6 and 3/4 so I just say 5'7, once you put me in some bordello shoes I can be intimidating to someone who might not be able to handle me. Which is why I prefer a dominant partner, not someone who is into the lifestyle 24/7 because I'm to much of a brat to live like that and I know it. Though D/s has always been a source of on going fascination for me.

I'm not into body modifications, though don't really discriminate against them. I do ask, however, that any PA be removed if he expects me to put that thing in my mouth: teeth are fragile and expensive to fix. I have no tattoos nor would I even consider one any more: they're just not me, and 95% of the tattoos I see are either vulgar, clichéed or both.

Sigh, I have a tat, I got it about 10 years ago, because I could, now if I could wipe it off I would I had my bellybutton pierced twice, it's been riped out by a guy twice... I'm not to sure if I'm going to do it again. Seriously it hurts worse coming out than going in.

Cheating is open to interpretation and presume that you mean body-to-body contact of a sexual nature with anyone other than you. If that extends to enjoyment of porn or, maybe, camming then it really should be discussed in great detail. FWIW, I've never started a relationship that wasn't closed nor ended one that wasn't at least partially open, though only one, when I was in my early 20s, ended over infidelity because he broke a rule regarding how open the relationship was to be maintained. It's a trust issue.

Cheating, kissing or sexual contact. Meh porn I could care less... can I watch too would be my response? Camming we would have to talk about. Sites like this, I could care less, wanna post pictures together would be my response

 

[Bbucko]

I'm into rough play too. I love to mix my pain and pleasure, but for me it's about the mindfuck more than anything.

You're quoting something I repeat constantly: the best fuck is always between the ears: the mindfuck.

Yep, if people are playing respectfully and responsibly the sub is the powerful one. Funny how people just don't get that.




You also see a lot of people who don't really understand what it's about jumping in and doing this sort of thing. Most often it seems to be people who misunderstand the role of the Dom and think they are supposed to be the powerful ones.

I actually really feel for Doms though. It's a massive responsibility to be so entrusted with someone's physical and mental being. And I can see how it would be easy to push just that bit too far.

It's a fine line that involves both open communication and a fair degree to intuition. In the heat of passion, so things just wind up going into a kind of overload; but one of my major limits (which I didn't mention above) is to never, ever leave a bruise or mark of any kind that wasn't anticipated ahead of time. That usually keeps me from crossing any bridges that can't be uncrossed.

I am also not a huge fan of bondage or anything that prevents anyone from speaking. The first because it renders the person passive, which I find boring (it's always **all about** the bondage sub), the second because I insist on verbal communication.

The pushing of limits is part of the fun :biggrin1:. But it is so important to do this carefully as you've said you do. I would have had many more limits on my list if it wasn't for other people respectfully pushing them away.

I've always said that all the real magic happens in the margins of each other's limits: tops/Doms have limits, too.

 

[Bbucko]

I could see that worrying may not be conducive to good sex. :smile:

I've always wished there was a pill for STDs. I'm on the contraceptive pill so pregnancy is pretty well covered, even if the condom breaks. Condom breakage and STDs do worry me though.

90% of all condom failures happen because they have been kept in a hot, humid place or have expired: always check the expiration date.

Of course, using anything other than a water- or silicone-based lube is a no-no, too: no baby oil, no Elbow Grease, no Vaseline, nothing with is mineral-oil based. The correct lube is essential to successful condom use.

 

[Bbucko]

Reading this thread, leaves me with one thought. If only more people would explore all you have discussed here before becoming involved there would be many more people having extraordinarily fulfilling relationships.

Even simply making the lists you have made here gets so much out of the way, and gives each a chance to know the limits and likes of the one they are planing to meet.

The ease with which you are sharing really important information in this thread is refreshing. How many do you think are together for months before these issues are voiced?

Thank you for an informative discussion.

That's another reason why I started this thread. I wasn't always so confident about expressing my limits as I am now, and my criteria have changed dramatically over the years.

If this thread gets people thinking and talking, then maybe we've been doing something good.