Criteria, Preferences & Limits

[HiddenLacey]

90% of all condom failures happen because they have been kept in a hot, humid place or have expired: always check the expiration date.

Of course, using anything other than a water- or silicone-based lube is a no-no, too: no baby oil, no Elbow Grease, no Vaseline, nothing with is mineral-oil based. The correct lube is essential to successful condom use.

AstroGlide gel is my favorite water based If it gets sticky spray water on it and keep on keeping on...

 

[Bbucko]

I'm confused....how does that situation relate to sero sorting? Was he just afraid of your dick size?

I honestly think that he was just terrified of condom failure or something more directly related to accidental transmission.

But the size of my dick was the subject of quite a bit of talk, which at the time I took to be more sex-talk than any real communication about any apprehension he felt.

It could well have been a kinda combo of the two: he was really, really tiny: what I call a "Teacup Latino"

The experience just proved too much for me: besides, I loathe condoms. The double-b in my screenname is not an accident.

 

[D_Harvey Schmeckel]

Thanks for responding. I appreciate your entirely different goals/expectations.

Thanks for your comment. I had some trepidation about participating because of the great difference in perspectives. The main criterion is that I'm partnered and won't play separately. Anything we do with others has to support and enhance our relationship; if it never happens again I won't feel terribly deprived. After Silverdaddies highlighted our profile, we were inundated with offers, but most seemed interested in one of us and at best merely willing to tolerate the other. (Half were bottoms who wanted me, half were tops who wanted him.) Seems like many guys are more interested in preying upon couples than playing with them, in that they disrespect the partnership and even with clearly stated rules will try to hook up with us individually.

For a hook-up, I truly don't care if he's involved or not; ultimately it's his decision as an adult to make, not mine.

Philosophically, I would agree with you. Practically, every married man who has ever approached me/us has been a total bullshit artist at best, scary crazy at worst. My view of anything along those lines as bad karma is not a priori but based on bad experiences. As stressful as it was NOT meeting any of these guys after being dragged through days or weeks of bs, I can only be thankful and think that meeting them could have been far worse.

 

[Bbucko]

Well doing the type of work I do, I have worked in an OB/GYN clinic that was connected to an Infectious Disease clinic. I would guess a good majority of the population wears blinders when in comes to STD's. Being responsible for my body and my well being and not entrusting it to the wrong person is the only way I feel safe. To be honest with you I have met enough people whos spouses cheated on them and gave them an STD than I have ever wanted to. I understand that you can never trust anyone. I will see results or it isn't happening. Now that being said, if I were positive I would change my criteria to reflect that.

That's the only sane way to think in 2010. When I became sexually active in the late 70s, no one felt that way (no one I met, anyway). Being anything-positive changes your life and outlook in unpredictable ways: some people go nuts, some crawl into a cave of depression, some get a grip and move on with life. I've done all three, but have had the best luck with the third option.

Awww, your kind of larger than life to me, such a nice guy:biggrin1: I'm 5'6 and 3/4 so I just say 5'7, once you put me in some bordello shoes I can be intimidating to someone who might not be able to handle me. Which is why I prefer a dominant partner, not someone who is into the lifestyle 24/7 because I'm to much of a brat to live like that and I know it. Though D/s has always been a source of on going fascination for me.

I'd never be one of those guys who worries obsessively on height differences between me and a girl. And your "larger than life" comment made me :redface:

Cheating, kissing or sexual contact. Meh porn I could care less... can I watch too would be my response? Camming we would have to talk about. Sites like this, I could care less, wanna post pictures together would be my response

Good thinking: those are limits I think most would agree are adult and rational without being clingy or overly possessive.

I don't get jealous. But if I catch someone in a lie, it shatters my trust, and that can take a long time (if ever) to really heal: I just find liars impossible to believe, and the follow-ups and cover-ups drive me batty.

 

[Bbucko]

Thanks for your comment. I had some trepidation about participating because of the great difference in perspectives. The main criterion is that I'm partnered and won't play separately. Anything we do with others has to support and enhance our relationship; if it never happens again I won't feel terribly deprived. After Silverdaddies highlighted our profile, we were inundated with offers, but most seemed interested in one of us and at best merely willing to tolerate the other. (Half were bottoms who wanted me, half were tops who wanted him.) Seems like many guys are more interested in preying upon couples than playing with them, in that they don't respect the partnership and even with clearly stated rules will try to hook up with us individually.

I have played with couples since I was 18 in 1978, though rarely (and increasingly so): there's always one who has better chemistry with you than the other, and you may suddenly find yourself at a limit that hadn't been considered or discussed previously that can be highly awkward. I'm also not a huge fan of couples who insert their kitchen-sink dramas into the bedroom, and that happens more than you'd think.

All the same, I had a series of encounters with a couple back a few years ago which went beautifully: there was never a "third-wheel" aspect to things, and the chemistry was nearly identical for each. But they were special guys who played with others routinely; I also got the feeling that they genuinely loved and cared for each other. I was in no way and at no time a threat to them whatsoever.

As to "home-wreckers": that's a role I'd never play, and in all the three-somes I've had with all my partners over the years, that situation never came up.

Philosophically, I would agree with you. Practically, every married man who has ever approached me/us has been a total bullshit artist at best, scary crazy at worst. My view of anything along those lines as bad karma is not a priori but based on bad experiences. As stressful as it was NOT meeting any of these guys after being dragged through days or weeks of bs, I can only be thankful and think that meeting them would have been far worse.

See above. But, honestly, I cannot imagine a married (closeted bisexual) man meeting my criteria, so it would be a no-starter for me.

 

[TomCat84]

I honestly think that he was just terrified of condom failure or something more directly related to accidental transmission.

But the size of my dick was the subject of quite a bit of talk, which at the time I took to be more sex-talk than any real communication about any apprehension he felt.

It could well have been a kinda combo of the two: he was really, really tiny: what I call a "Teacup Latino"

The experience just proved too much for me: besides, I loathe condoms. The double-b in my screenname is not an accident.

Ah. Well. I say I'm a submissive bottom- but if there's a big dick, I love to take control and be more of a stereotypical power bottom. Meaning, I'd probably be dominant while remaining a bottom. It's always kinda hot when I meet a dom top with a big dick, and when I try to be dom (but still bottom), he gets angry, pins me down, and rails the hell out of me! :biggrin:

 

[Bbucko]

Ah. Well. I say I'm a submissive bottom- but if there's a big dick, I love to take control and be more of a stereotypical power bottom. Meaning, I'd probably be dominant while remaining a bottom. It's always kinda hot when I meet a dom top with a big dick, and when I try to be dom (but still bottom), he gets angry, pins me down, and rails the hell out of me! :biggrin:

Honestly, sweetheart, I think that's kinda the point

I have no problem whatsoever with powerbottoms: they're infinitely preferable to passive, lay-there bottoms. Believe me, I need my partner to be as engaged with me as I am with him.

 

[B_subgirrl]

For a hook-up, I truly don't care if he's involved or not; ultimately it's his decision as an adult to make, not mine. If it becomes a recurring FB situation and our liaisons are causing him stress that he discusses with me, then I'd probably cut it off. Romantic involvement with an otherwise involved man would never happen, and if I eventually found out that I was something "on the side", there'd be hell to pay: I mean serious, hellish drama.

This is exactly where I stand on the matter.

 

[B_subgirrl]

You're quoting something I repeat constantly: the best fuck is always between the ears: the mindfuck.

Oooh, the mindfuck I love :biggrin1:. A sex session might be the best physical sex ever, but if the mindfuck isn't there it becomes totally forgettable.

I am also not a huge fan of bondage or anything that prevents anyone from speaking. The first because it renders the person passive, which I find boring (it's always **all about** the bondage sub), the second because I insist on verbal communication.

I don't like stuff that covers my mouth either, but more because I like to use it a lot :biggrin1:. As far as verbal communication goes, I trust that my FB knows me well enough that he wouldn't need it to know what I'm thinking. I think he knows my body language pretty well by now. It would obviously be a different situation in a new relationship. I am thinking about buying a gag though for times when we really need to keep the noise down. Does anyone have any recommendations?

 

[B_subgirrl]

Thanks for your comment. I had some trepidation about participating because of the great difference in perspectives.

I love hearing from people who have different perspectives. While it's nice to have someone around who knows what you're going on about, it's also good to hear a point of view from someone who doesn't. Hearing about different opinions and situations helps me to clarify my own views and gives me a better understanding of others who are different to me.

 

[Pendlum]

I'm young, so it will be interesting to see how this changes throughout my life.

Criteria:
Must be consensual.
Must be female.
Must be someone I find attractive.
Must use condoms and birth control.
Must not be under the influence of anything (I'm sure most of you agree and just didn't put it)

Preferences:
Is someone I really get a long with.
Is an Alt (not emo), Nerdy, or Sporty kind of girl.
Is intelligent.
Loves giving blowjobs, and likes to swallow.
Is somewhat submissive.
Has around C or D cup breasts.
Is fit.
Doesn't do drugs or abuse alcohol.

Limits:
No scat
No 'watersports'.
No hitting (like slapping across the face, spanking is still in :wink.
No extereme pain or bloodplay.
No what subgirrl calls the usual. :tongue:
No anal play on me.
I'll never be a cuckold, and I have a strong aversion to being a 'bull'.
No rape fantasy.
No little people.

I'm sure I left things out, what can you do.

 

[B_subgirrl]

I'm young, so it will be interesting to see how this changes throughout my life.

You probably will find there are a few changes as you get older. Mine probably hasn't changed significantly since I was 21, but there were big changes between 18 and 21 for me. It was in that period that I discovered I was into BDSM (which practically defines sex for me these days :smile. I also found that between those ages I started putting a lot less emphasis on looks and more on personality. My limits have also changed a lot since then. When I was 18 I had many more limits, and would never, ever have done the things I list as limits now. I am much more open to having my boundaries pushed now.

Criteria:
Must not be under the influence of anything (I'm sure most of you agree and just didn't put it)

Actually, I don't agree with this one (although I respect your decision not to go there). Much of my sex has been drunken sex - on both sides. In fact I love having sex when drunk because it emphasises the floaty feelings I get during sex. Many of the people I've had sex with have been regular pot smokers and some have taken other drugs.

What makes you put it on your criteria list (not criticising, just curious)?

 

[Pendlum]

The first part; I'm a virgin, so radical changes are still very possible for me for all I know. I have no real feel for any of this except for how my brain consumes it. I haven't heard much about how someone's first times altered their views about sex and what they like (that could be an interesting thread :tongue, but I suspect that they could be profound for me. Also you could call me sort of a late bloomer I guess. :tongue:

The second part: Well, a; it's a safety net from some negative after effects. The extreme being accused of rape (not saying that this happens a lot), to something more mild like general ire from the person, or the person's friends. And b; I don't like the thought of them not being all there to enjoy the sex with me. I know some drugs can be used as a sensory enhancement, but I'm not fond of them or drugs in general. Part of it is because I grew up hearing how bad all of this is and you shouldn't do it. But later in life I find that everyone who told me not to do it, used to do it or still does it. The hypocrisy left a bad taste in my mouth.

This list is for just sex only though. I may bump that one down to preference if it were for a relationship, since we would have a lot more trust. I could still never do it with pot though. Not that I have anything against pot, it is one of the least harmful drugs around. But my god I hate the smell so much, it would suck the enjoyment from me if I could smell it on her, and chances are I would.

 

[D_Harvey Schmeckel]

I love hearing from people who have different perspectives. While it's nice to have someone around who knows what you're going on about, it's also good to hear a point of view from someone who doesn't. Hearing about different opinions and situations helps me to clarify my own views and gives me a better understanding of others who are different to me.

Thanks, I reciprocate the sentiments. Had never thought through the fact that I recoil equally from anyone who wants to dominate me and anyone who wants to be dominated. Life is full of ego boundaries and power trips, and if sex is not an escape from all that-- then to hell with it! As you can perhaps tell from my previous comments, as part of a couple open to threesomes and foursomes, I've found myself frustrated and disappointed more often than not because ego games tend to get in the way of the fun.

 

[B_subgirrl]

The first part; I'm a virgin, so radical changes are still very possible for me for all I know. I have no real feel for any of this except for how my brain consumes it.

You have a lot of fun still to come then :smile:. You'll probably find you change a lot in the first few years. Plus there are some things you just can't judge about until you've had the experience. For example, until I experienced it, I would have thought I'd enjoy receiving oral - I don't, it just makes me sleepy.

I haven't heard much about how someone's first times altered their views about sex and what they like (that could be an interesting thread :tongue, but I suspect that they could be profound for me.

You should start one. It could be changes in the early years or something :smile:. I'll answer if you do.

Also you could call me sort of a late bloomer I guess. :tongue:

Not as late as some. Have you been reading the current virgin thread? Here's a link in case you haven't.

http://www.lpsg.org/174131-i-wonder-how-many-in.html

The second part: Well, a; it's a safety net from some negative after effects. The extreme being accused of rape (not saying that this happens a lot), to something more mild like general ire from the person, or the person's friends.

That's probably a reasonable concern. As a woman I don't really have to worry about that. Nor do my partners really as it's usually quite clear to those around us what I want to do with them.

And b; I don't like the thought of them not being all there to enjoy the sex with me.

As I said, I love drunk sex. It heightens the pleasure for me. It lets me absorb myself in my feelings and their body, and blocks out other distractions, so in a way I'm even more 'there' than when I'm sober. It doesn't work that way for everyone though.

I know some drugs can be used as a sensory enhancement, but I'm not fond of them or drugs in general. Part of it is because I grew up hearing how bad all of this is and you shouldn't do it. But later in life I find that everyone who told me not to do it, used to do it or still does it. The hypocrisy left a bad taste in my mouth.

Fair enough. Each to their own I say. My dad has never been a drinker, a smoker or taken drugs. His mates at work hassle him a bit, but he's always stayed loyal to his beliefs. Just make sure you don't turn into one of those who lecture others for their choice to drink etc.

This list is for just sex only though. I may bump that one down to preference if it were for a relationship, since we would have a lot more trust.

Sounds like you're thinking this out quite sensibly.

I could still never do it with pot though. Not that I have anything against pot, it is one of the least harmful drugs around. But my god I hate the smell so much, it would suck the enjoyment from me if I could smell it on her, and chances are I would.

Hee, hee. I'm the opposite. I don't smoke it, but love the smell. I think I've been stoned many times just from breathing in the yummy smell.

 

[B_subgirrl]

I love hearing from people who have different perspectives. While it's nice to have someone around who knows what you're going on about, it's also good to hear a point of view from someone who doesn't. Hearing about different opinions and situations helps me to clarify my own views and gives me a better understanding of others who are different to me.

Thanks, I reciprocate the sentiments. Had never thought through the fact that I recoil equally from anyone who wants to dominate me and anyone who wants to be dominated. Life is full of ego boundaries and power trips, and if sex is not an escape from all that-- then to hell with it! As you can perhaps tell from my previous comments, as part of a couple open to threesomes and foursomes, I've found myself frustrated and disappointed more often than not because ego games tend to get in the way of the fun.

I think that is one perception of BDSM that many people have that is not necessarily true. Sure, there are plenty of people who are into BDSM that also play ego games and are in it for the power trip. But as Bbucko and I were discussing earlier, in a respectful relationship this is not a problem, just like in a respectful vanilla relationship.

I think it's a shame that you've had such a hard time finding people to play with who will be respectful of your relationship. For me, one of the cornerstones of playing with people who have partners is respecting their existing relationship.

I also think it's fantastic that you and your partner can have a relationship where you play with others. I've always loved the idea, and while I'm comfortable with it in theory, I think in practice I would be too jealous to cope with it.

 

[516778]

This is going to be make come off so badly but here's mine:::

Criteria
- HIV -
- at first they must be vers then later on that may change to top/vers or btm/vers
- Honest and upfront but has the ability to take others feelings into consideration.
- my usuals(caring, sweet, unselfish, considerate, thoughtful etc....)
- great communicator someone who doesn't shut down when things don't go there way.
- condom use at all times
- someone who is not stuck in there ways and is unwilling to change
- male only- strictly male no trans.
- 21 and up


Preferences:
- dark hair preferably black
- light colored eyes(green,hazel,blue)
- facial hair - not a lot but a goatee or something along those lines
- body hair (not a full bear but preferably an otter or a little hairier)
- 21-35
- open to new experiences
- preferably white only(for now)
- open to exercise or already involved in it
- nice smile
- toned body not a gym whore body
- adventurist side(someone who likes to sky dive, bungee jump)
- someone who likes to travel
- someone who is not just about having sex but someone who's into making that connection
- vers more so btm/vers at first until I'm ready and then btm/top / vers
** more to come I suspect **
Limits:
- no scat
- no blood
- no fisting
- no extreme bdsm( some is okay; as they say a little dab will do ya)
- no watersports(I really should list this here because I'm sort of getting into it but I wouldn't want to come across someone who's hardcore into and will scare me from it...so)
- no cheaters
- no liars
- no smokers
- no relatively overweight people(as stated before I'm not talking about the guys who could if they choose too work out for a month or two and would look good I'm talking about the guys who are suppose to weight 180 and weight 350/400.)

 

[Pendlum]

Not as late as some. Have you been reading the current virgin thread? Here's a link in case you haven't.

http://www.lpsg.org/174131-i-wonder-how-many-in.html

Yes, I've been reading it. I replied a long time ago, but I never got back to the OP with the second response like I had planned to. Just slipped my mind I guess.

 

[thetramp]

my criteria:
1)must be female
2)must be of legal age
3)must be a person i enjoy spending time with, not only in bed.
4)must be a person i find very attractive, i need both physical and mental connection.

my preferences:
1) She should be athletic
2) I'd like her to be tall
3) Have something very special, whether it is a look in her eyes, a beautiful smile or a certain voice something i can look at and forget the world around me.
4) she should be possessed of a clear and curious mind: I do not find "cute but dumb" attractive (sorry bbucko for stealing)
5) she should not be twice as old as i am

my limits

1)no scat
2)nothing that was not agreed on
3)no dead people no animals

 

[D_Barbi_Dahl]

my criteria:
1)must be female
2)must be of legal age
3)must be a person i enjoy spending time with, not only in bed.
4)must be a person i find very attractive, i need both physical and mental connection.

my preferences:
1) She should be athletic
2) I'd like her to be tall
3) Have something very special, whether it is a look in her eyes, a beautiful smile or a certain voice something i can look at and forget the world around me.
4) she should be possessed of a clear and curious mind: I do not find "cute but dumb" attractive (sorry bbucko for stealing)
5) she should not be twice as old as i am

my limits

1)no scat
2)nothing that was not agreed on
3)no dead people no animals

Wow...replace Male with Female and we're in agreement. I particularly enjoyed reading your Preference #3. It made me smile. How sweet.