Critical comments WTF

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by southwest, Nov 21, 2007.

  1. southwest

    southwest New Member

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    Don't know if this has happened to you but you start dating a girl (or whatever blows your hair back:wink:) when people you know from your social group come up to you and say 'why you going out with her?' 'thought you'd go for someone different!' 'she's not good enough for you!' and comments of this type. It was almost always women I knew that would come out with these statements. Were they just being bitchy or as I see it they wanted me to go out with them instead and were showing their jealousy (that's what I'd like to think:biggrin1:) If these girls fancied me why didn't they act a bit more interested earlier, and if it was just bitchiness how come they thought it was ok to say such things to me about my girlfriend!
    I'd never say to anyone 'don't go out with someone', I would just be there to pick up the pieces if it went wrong.
    Just wondering if you have had similar experiences, or tell me if there is something else going on in these circumstances!
     
  2. AlteredEgo

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    Or maybe they really care about you, and really do think you can do better. Perhaps they see some red flags you do not see. Perhaps she reminds them of awful women they know. Maybe they are just trying to be good friends to you. It doesn't sound like you considered that possibility.
     
  3. southwest

    southwest New Member

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    In some cases that's probably true I agree whole heartily, I just find it a bit strong to tell someone who is not your best mate, just part of the social network to not go out with someone.
     
  4. northwestone

    northwestone New Member

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    when a friend sees someone they care about leaping into what they expect will be a car-crash of a relationship, they want to help prevent the disaster. the clever friends say nothing until they're lifting you from the wreckage. a true friend stays silent until you're able to hear.
     
  5. SpeedoGuy

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    People have all kinds of agendas when offering unsolicited advice. Some of those agendas are noble and selfless, some otherwise.
     
  6. Principessa

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  7. modulo

    modulo New Member

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    Jealousy is a fickle beast and the best thing to do is ignore the detractors. Besides, as long as you're happy and they're not you are the winner regardless.
     
  8. Jovial

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    Next time try asking the person who made a comment to point out someone they consider a better fit for you. I have a hard time figuring out who would want to be with me, so I wish friends would make comments to me. I also don't under how I'm supposed to know that someone likes me if they pretend to not like me.
     
  9. D_Geffarde Phartsmeller

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    I wish my friends would give me some warning before I waste time on a trainwreck relationship. Sadly, the fuckers don't! They all want to be "polite" and "courteous". What the hell am I supposed to do with that??? Ask the objectors why, specifically, they object. Details details details. The more information you've got, the more prepared you'll be to make the best decision. Maybe they are jealous. Maybe they saw your future bride kick a puppy. Only way to know is ask!

    Consequently, your hands-off approach ("I would just be there to pick up the pieces if it went wrong") is TERRIBLE. Why would you sit-back and watch a friend get screwed over? If you can prevent that, you should! If you find fault in a friend's significant other, you damn well better say something before the shit hits the fan. Not really a good friend if you sit on your ass about it.
     
  10. OmahaBeef

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    Though a comment or two could be purely out of spite...

    ...if it's a trend, you'd be wise to listen.

    ...OB
     
  11. AlteredEgo

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    This still does not explsin why you are resistant to asking them why it's so important to them. Ask them how they know. Examine their evidence. Anything anyone on this board tells you is irrelevent.
     
  12. _avg_

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    Tip: Don't try to understand women.
     
  13. BigDuder

    BigDuder New Member

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    i hate that. i always see all the flaws eveyone points out right away ad then can't get them out of my mind. maybe i just havent met the right person? then again, i might just be a terribly insecure person who hides his pain in bottles of beer and a smirking avatar.
     
  14. PornForPatric

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    Honestly, if one of my close friends said something like that, I'd take it seriously. If someone I just sorta know, but not in a close & personal way, said it, I'd take it with a grain of salt.

    I agree with SpeedoGuy. You don't know what their true agenda is.
     
  15. D_Ed69s girl

    D_Ed69s girl <img border="0" src="/images/badges/member.gif" wi

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    You know I got alot of that from my "friends" when I was dating my husband. And alot of my family too. I think that people want you to run with the crowd and not let you be yourself. When you find a special someone who you care about and they appear to care for you too then ignore those who are nay sayer and seek out to find who the person really is. I remember one of the first things that made me laugh was when I told my soon to be sister in law that we were getting married she immediately highlighted his religion and told me his mother was devote in her religious believes. Well I hate to tell her but I already met his family and knew about his religious background. And even if I hadn't known it still wouldn't have influence my choice to marry him. I wanted to be with him.

    In short people will always judge who your with and try to "save you from yourself" so to speak. But in my book if they are doing that then they don't know you.
     
  16. southwest

    southwest New Member

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    Thanks for the replies guys, food for thought!
    In the past I got involved with a friend who was going out with a complete git, the trouble was he was so into this person I came off the bad guy.... he found out the hard way that the girl he was seeing did not have his best interest at heart. We made up, but to this day he still feels bad about the things he said to me. Just put me off getting involved in anyones relationship.
    As for why didn't I just ask what these people were up to... back in the day I just didn't think to, dull I know, I suppose I just accepted their statement at face value and did what I wanted to anyway.
    Personally I've known people with bad reputations but they met that certain someone and their behavior seemed to change overnight. Seeing that I always think these days 'lets see what happens' , I'd rather step back and wait.
     
  17. 36DD

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    I would never tell a guy something like that out of jealousy...that would make me a bitch. If I was into a guy and he was seeing someone else I didn't care for, I'd let him decide for himself and figure it out himself...who knows...maybe he likes that type!
    I would only say something to a guy if I were genuinely concerned whether or not his health (mental or physical) were seriously in danger...i.e., I know she did time for being a serial murderer or I personally witnessed her voluntarily go at it with the whole football, basketball, baseball, and soccer team at once!
     
  18. Scarlet Thelema

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    I have noticed the same comments being made to me in the past, by other women (and, on occasion, men). It used to bother me to the point that I would wonder why they'd say such things unless they were really true, which would then make me unsure about my choice in friend/partner.

    However, now, I first ask myself what their agenda might be. What have they to potentially gain by sharing this criticism? Do they want me to stay single because they are jealous women, insecure in their singledom, or unhappy in their own relationship? Or, perhaps, are they men who want to make sure that if I don't date them, I won't date anyone else they know, either? Some people just like to see how much power they can exercise over others through their words, nothing more.

    One boyfriend I had, I'd known very casually through friends for years. We'd never said more than 'hello' to each other in passing. When the night came that we finally got together, each of us recalled (after talking about it later, looking back on the experience) someone taking us aside and trying to fill our head with criticisms and warnings about the other. To us, that made us only that much more curious to see what the other was about! And thankfully so - he remains a best-loved friend and advisor to this day.

    In the end, we must really evaluate and determine the truth for ourselves - that's what natural instinct and intuition are for.
     
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