Crushed, demoralized and destroyed

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Ramsey, Jun 20, 2009.

  1. Ramsey

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    Ok this could be a blog but I want more comments than a blog gets.
    So last night I was with my girl and we are having a good time and I go down on her for awhile and I even have her try face-sitting. She seems to enjoy it, I ask her which she prefers, she says both. So I'm going down on her for awhile, then move up and try to get my fingers to finish the job and I'm working her and then she stops me. She is smiling and seems content and just just sighs and doesn't have much to say. Finally I get around to having sex with her and I start putting myself inside her and she's (albeit at very first) asking if it's in, she said it didn't feel like it. This was a little crushing, as I'm already not a big boy, only 6x6 but she acted more like she could feel it once I pushed deeper.

    Being on top of her I had to work it in with different positions before she seemed to be enjoying it. Her legs were hurting though so we switched positions, her on her side and me vertical between them. She has always seemed to enjoy this position and it seems (or so I thought) that i could always get at her "spot" this way. Well I know that the only way that she can come is through vigorous thrusting, apparently on her spot (she said that her old boyfriend got her over the edge) and I'm going and going and slowing down for just a moment or two when i feel my orgasm coming too close, then starting back up and trying my damndest for her cuz I know that I've never gotten her to orgasm with my cock (or maybe not any way ever). She seemed to be enjoying it. And, eventually the dam breaks on my side.

    After I (much to my shame) have my orgasm, she is laying there and I can just FEEL the frustration off of her. So we get to talking and she says "hon, I know you are doing your best and trying, but I don't think I'll ever get the same satisfaction out of this that you are." She talks some more on this and tells me my cock feels ok but... then tells me that maybe I should get a book or go online and try and find something out. Right then I felt like a piece of shit, like the worst lover on the planet. I seriously just wanted to evaporate. I HAVE read a lot and have been trying my hardest and it still didn't feel good enough. Like I'm not big enough, hard enough, good enough, whatever.
    Of course she reassured me she wouldn't leave me over something stupid like this, that it's not important and there's a million other things to do. I agreed, but inside I was still breaking cuz I know the other men she's been with HAVE given her that same satisfaction. Depressed isn't a strong enough word for how I felt. Now, yes, we do have a lot more than sex in common. But for me, it's a great gift I want to give my woman and it's the most intimate and sacred thing you can do with someone, so I want my woman to feel incredible.
    She also tried reassuring me that "maybe just not now, we'd have to work at it..." bla bla bla but it was too late, the damage was done. I know it's an overreaction, but on the emotional level, I never wanted to have sex again. Her initial statement showed me, and those are honest because they are unfettered by encouragement or trying to put a good spin on things.

    She did say to just enjoy having sex with me and enjoy our time together and I so want to... But knowing that her other men have given her a Lexus and I'm giving her a Yugo truly demoralizes me. I had this feeling for a long time that she wasn't really enjoying me and then it was like a deep fear coming true. Maybe it was just the way she said it or what she said.

    But has this happened with anyone else? How did you guys cope with it, and for the ladies, how did you broach this subject with your guy?
     
  2. VRMan

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    Wow, Ramsey, sorry to hear that sad story. I can understand your reaction, it does not appear like much of an overreaction to me. I would probably feel the same way. On the one hand, it is good that your girlfriend is honest in your relationship, and both of you seem to be able to communicate about issues, which is a good thing. On the other hand, this is a serious criticism.

    Some people will comment and ask if she is playing mind tricks with you, trying to crush your ego to get more control over you. It might be the case but I will assume that you would have noticed that yourself, and that the issue she mentioned is a true one.

    The strange thing is that with 6 inches circumference, your dick is big, borderline huge, girthwise. Read the posts of the guys with 6 inches here (there are some dedicated to the 6 inch girth dudes and their experiences with women). Actually 6x6 is a really, really impressive dick, too big for some women.
    Secondly, despite being a member of this site and obsessed with penis size since forever, I refuse to believe that the penis' size is the key to sexual satisfaction for the women. Unless she has a true penis size fetish. (A fetish is defined as a sexual stimulus normally only loosely related to sex, or not at all, which is a prerequisite for the person to achieve orgasm.) In that sense, if your GF really has a size fetish, it can be a problem, but it could be the same if she had a rubber fetish or similar, and is not related to you personally.

    My assumption would be that unless she is trying to play power games with you, there is some other reason for your GF to be unsatisfied with you sexually, and she relates it to your penis because it is the easiest way to describe or justify it. If it is really true that others could satisfy her better, then she either needs a different kind of being taken care of, more oral, more foreplay, more aggressiveness, whatever.

    But at any rate, I do not believe for a moment that it is related to your penis size, unless she is a really really severe case of a size queen! So go looking for the real reason and work on it, but don't take it too personally and don't allow her to blame it on your physique so easily!

    Good luck mate

    VRMan
     
  3. dongalong

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    Get her to guide you!
    She knows what she likes and she should remember how she got it in the past, you clearly want to please her. Reading about sex is good but it will be so much quicker if she communicates with you during sex, instead of giving you a report afterwards.

    It seems to have become a big weight on your mind which won't help your performance if you continue to dwell on it!
     
  4. Smartalk

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    Dear Ramsey,

    Please be assured that the problem does not lie with you, from what you wrote in your post, one your size is definitely not an issue here. You clearly appear to be a very caring and adaptable lover and by the sound of it you certainly know how to please a woman.

    I personally think the problem is with your girlfriend; some women are impossible to arouse and turn on. I had a similar experience with my ex wife, what turned her on one time didn't appear to work a second. It got to the stage where I dreaded sex because you didn't know when you started if it would be blissful for both leaving each other satisfied or a complete disaster my wife feeling frustrated and me like you totally demoralised.

    Yes my profile does say I am 99% gay I was bi when I married, I know find sex with men far more fulfilling than that with any woman. I am not saying you should consider having sex with men instead, I am not. Some may even say that in my case the problem lay with me. Before anyone throws that one back at me I would say, try satisfying my wife first, believe me I tried everyway possible for 21 years.

    I would ask two questions;

    Is this your first sexual relationship with a woman and is she you first or have you had successful and fulfilling sexual relationships before. The same of your gf or has she had other men.

    It sounds to me she is putting expectations on what she wants sexually from a man, be it you or any other man. Possibly she has expectations that no man could possibly satisfy, even Casanova himself.

    If talking does not resolve your problem, then you have to ask yourself can the relationship survive, because the frustration between you both will eventually creep into all other areas of your relationship.

    Hope you resolve things soon

    Good luck
     
    #4 Smartalk, Jun 20, 2009
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2009
  5. Joll

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    Oh no! :( 6x6 is a good size man - and you sound like a really good bloke, so she should think herself lucky.

    She sounds like a bit of a bitch to me - maybe she's just being honest but I dunno. If she doesn't mind crushing ya - likelihood is she did the same thing to previous boyfriends about one thing or another.

    Sounds like you really like her tho - if you definitely wanna pursue this maybe talk it through, do a bit of reading up and try other ways to please her. Lotsa women dont get orgasm through penetration alone.

    Good luck anyways dude.
     
  6. B_ytcorp

    B_ytcorp New Member

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    sounds incredibly harsh of her but I would say work with communication, have her show you what she likes. maybe even ask her to find that book or website of "how-to's" with you. make a game of it. Don't get overly bent out of shape on this one or it will just make things harder on you especially if you try to hard. remember this is intimacy and not just regular throw-down sex; don't become so goal oriented in this one aspect of your relationship that you lose focus on the real prize, the total package.
    as far as those other guys, "fuck-'um" she's with you here and now and not them so get over the worry and make the best of what you've got.
     
  7. B_LgPenisSupporter

    B_LgPenisSupporter New Member

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    The number one rule of sex, whether one-on-one or group, is everyone is responsible for their OWN orgasm. Bottom line...it's her's, she owns it; you facilitate it.
     
  8. D_Suckleberry Hound

    D_Suckleberry Hound New Member

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    I would stop trying to make her cum and focus on trying to get her really, really turned on. Figure out what gets her excited. It may be a romantic evening, getting dressed up and going to dinner, talking dirty, porn, etc, etc. Also, I don't buy the "your big enough" type comments. IMHO when it comes to size it is not how big you are that matters, but if you are the right size for her.
     
  9. dolfette

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    sounds like you do ALL the work.

    and it sounds like you're a considerate lover.

    sometimes two people just don't mesh sexually.
    it doesn't mean you're less of a man.
    i vote you end it before this kills what few shreds of confidence remain...before you start resenting each other.
     
  10. D_Jared Padalicki

    D_Jared Padalicki Account Disabled

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    What I don't get is why when I read those experiences here, the girls always compare their lover with their previous lover in bed. Is this to get attention or is it true?

    I agree with the above mostly. You are big enough for sure. And if she is complaining about you being too small, well tell her that she is too wide in there! Let her work on it, let her make the moves on you so she can search for the right spot.
     
  11. Ramsey

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    Thanks for all the encouragement, all of you, I really appreciate it! Ending it may be necessary, though initially doing it because of sex seems rather shallow, but I don't think of sex as a shallow thing anyway. I just adore her so it's hard to think about ending it for that.
    But then a second thought comes to mind, if I'm not satisfying her here, where else would I not be satisfying her in our life?
     
  12. lickme69

    lickme69 New Member

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    First of all I hate it when people discuss their exes to each other, especially in bed. I believe this should never be done. I beleive it is cruel for her to compare her ex to you. If that is the way she feels, then keep it to herself.
    It honestly sounds to me as if she meant to make you feel bad about yourself. I think she is playing some kind of game with you.
    If she is having trouble having an orgasm through intercourse with you, then try stimulating her clitoris during sex. I really do not think this is the only problem however.
    Good luck to you. I hope you can work this out. Please do not let her statments hurt you. You sound like a guy that really tries to please a woman. Maybe it is just her.
     
  13. B_Nick8

    B_Nick8 New Member

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    This is precisely where the relationship becomes toxic. She lets you know, in a somewhat cruel manner and despite the fact that to all appearances you are an experienced and considerate lover, that you aren't quite doing it for her sexually and the next thing you know you're beginning to doubt yourself in every way.

    I understand that you adore her but if all of the good and kind advise you're being given doesn't show results in the near future, you need to think about ending this relationship before it does you permanent--and unnecessary--emotional harm.
     
  14. nedly32

    nedly32 New Member

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    It's now about you and her now .not about her past lovers you need to talk to each other openly and honstly about what feels and works for the both of you to make sex amazing for both of you. best of luck ned:smile:
     
  15. Maia

    Maia New Member

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    Unless she has some really redeeming qualities, I don't think you should stay with her. Sex is one of the most intimate things to share with a person and if she can't behave in a way that is gentle enough for the things you are vulnerable about you really shouldn't share that with her. I may be naive about it because I have had only one (male) partner, so I don't claim to be an expert on relationships. It just seems to me that any mature person in a relationship doesn't say such things. I know for a fact that I have disappointed my husband in a number of ways, but he never let his frustration out in a way that would be so obviously devastating as to compare me to an old girlfriend. It just is not constructive at all; does your girlfriend think that you are going to perform better with all of this pain going on? Now that I mention it, she either has to be somehow amused by hurting you, or really unintelligent.
     
  16. Ramsey

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    I'm not sure if she means anything purposely to be mean by it, but she does have an abrasive side to her and she can be rather clueless on some things. But she can also be really loving and affectionate too which is what makes it hard for me, I haven't had a girl at least appear to be so into me.
     
  17. dolfette

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    deliberate or not, she's put no thought into how you'd feel.
    if she doesn't think that through then she's either autistic or selfish.

    lots of people are affectionate on their own terms.
     
  18. kazooplayer

    kazooplayer New Member

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    It sounds to me like she would like you to last longer. It's a valid request, but I don't believe women have any idea how tall a task it is to withhold from orgasm, especially when you're inside the women you love. That said, there's a lot you can do to increase your stamina, if you're willing to put in the effort. You might want to read up on some tantric or taoist sex stuff, it's the quickest way to get really stellar results in the lasting department.

    Also, I do think it was insensitive for her to say those things to you, but I understand, as sometimes it's the ones we love that we hurt the most. She probably feels comfortable enough around you to open up to her real desires, which is good, but she picked a bad time to make the request; it sounds like she realized her mistake and immediately tried to soften the blow, so I don't think she's a bitch, just made a misplay in the love-game.

    I imagine you have been asking about her ex's if she has told you about them? It would be rather unsettling if she gave you details of her past sex life without you first requesting them. And whatever the reason, don't worry about her past lovers' size - six inches of length is average, but six inches of girth is huge... that's not hyperbole. In terms of standard deviations, six inches of girth really is huge.
     
  19. vince

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    I don't know if she's cruel or selfish or if you are doing something "wrong" or maybe you aren't compatible in the sack. But in my opinion, talking about it is the first, most important and hardest step. Many couples fail in the sex department because they fear talking about it. It could be embarrassment or not wanting to hurt their partner's feelings. What ever the reason, not communicating is the worst thing. I encourage you to keep talking and explore ways to make love that satisfy both of you.
     
  20. BS76

    BS76 Active Member

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    She's selfish and put all the effort on you.

    Her: You should read a book or something.
    You: I wouldn't have to if you'd communicate. I'm not a mind reader after all.

    Putting the onus on her for a bit might make her realize she's the cold fish in bed, aka "sushi". Those kinds of women are the worst, when they just lay there and don't move around or make any noise. It's impossible to figure out what the hell works and what doesn't. I get the impression that she's that type.
     
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