I think we get crushes on the people whom we believe have something we lack but would dearly love to have. We sense that there is a part of them that would make us better people and as soon as we do that, we desire them enormously in the belief that by possessing them, we become, via osmosis, more whole than we are already.
That's why crushes are so intense. The feelings of overwhelming love we have are genuine in crushes. They're the same feelings that those within a mutual relationship have. The difference is that the person who has the crush goes beyond simple interest and creates fantasy relationships which are immensely fulfilling precisely because they're the product of the imagination. In the imagination, the object of the crush is everything we want him or her to be and that only feeds the obsession. So long as the crush is never fulfilled, we're free to leave them there, always in the back of our minds, being everything we have ever wanted. Problems come when the obsession moves to the forefront of the mind and becomes consuming because then we trick ourselves into thinking,
if only I said or did the right thing, looked a certain way, acted differently, then my love would see me in the same light and we could run away to Bora Bora. And that's the crux of the thing. To get the interest of the person we're crushing on, we have to become different people, not who we already are and having to change for someone else doesn't make for a rewarding relationship, just perpetuation of the fantasy. Sometimes the person is already happily taken or not even of the same sexual orientation yet we continue on as if that didn't make any difference.
The best way to get over a crush, in my experience, is to look very carefully at the person you're crushing on and make a list of all the wonderful things they are to you and then truly take inventory of yourself. If you're brutally honest, you'll find the crush has something about them you need in your life. Maybe it's even the freedom of their job, their respect among others, their good looks, wonderful smile, or something as simple as their taste, education, or status. Something about that person drew them to you like a magnet. If you can figure out what the attraction is, learn from it, then take steps in your life to find what that thing (or things) is, then you've done good work on discovering a part of your needs you may not have been aware of before.
At the very least, stop the fantasies before they start. If you find yourself suddenly crushing on someone and you don't know why then immediately stop yourself before it gets any worse and find out if the person is attracted to you as well. Maybe you'll find the person is a jerk, maybe they're taken. If they are, don't let it go any further. Just take that inventory and go through it. Nothing says you can't be attracted to someone, that's healthy. What's not healthy is pulling that person into a fantasy world from which neither you nor the other person can ever escape from.
Unrequited love is the worst form of love their is. There is no cure for it. You can, I think, defuse it and redirect it to something with a far more positive result so that when you do fall in love the next time around the relationship will be far more healthy. A great book that has helped me, though I disagree with it in parts, is
Obsessive Love by Susan Forward and Craig Buck. For ordinary crushes it may be a bit much, but if you find yourself unable to let go, it looks like it could be very helpful.
I've just released a major crush. By using the defusing techniques and, oddly enough, by interacting with the person upon whom I was crushing, I've come to fall out of romantic love. The crush instead has been transformed into a friendship that I hope will prove mutually satisfying in the long run. I wasn't in love with my crush so much as what he represented to me in several very important ways. I'm very fortunate in that I can use his example as something to learn from and apply to my own life so that I can cultivate and bring into myself what originally attracted me to him beyond normal romantic interest. Too, the more I interact with him, the more the spell is broken. By not being a distant dream, he becomes more real, not a product of fantasy and that's healthy. I can appreciate him for who he truly is, not how I had idealized him. I wasn't wrong, he really is a great guy and I love him, demons and all, as a very generous and insightful friend. In that, I have the treasury of Midas and it's far more fulfilling than lamenting a fantasy.
