Crushes - Am I Normal?

Principessa

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How often do we strongly crush on someone at the same time they're crushing on us?
To the best of my knowledge that has never happend to me.


Hardly ever" ?:) That implies you've had at least SOME success with straight ppl! I noticed that as well, puzzling isn't it. I've never had success with crushes on guys, gay or straight but the straight ones usually end up a bit perturbed by the vibes I probably give out, subconsciously, and thus even friendship becomes impossible.:redface: Sorry about that; but I think that is a normal reaction for a straight man.
to me, crushes are just like sexual fantasies. they add some spice to the day-to-day. the only time it's a problem is when it starts affecting your life in a bad way. i'm married too, and if i keep in perspective what i'm feeling and why, it works out fine. a lot of times it just means i need to reconnect to my husband and our relationship.
Hmmm, now you've made me think . . . I hate that. :tongue: j/k Seriously, I'm beginning to wonder when the last time was that I had a crush as defined in this thread.


Yeah I've tried looking at it that way too and you might be 100% correct but aren't crushes - on "other people" - by their very definition reflective of a desire to connect with those people? For me a crush often has a lustful component. Or are you saying you project your desire for your husband onto other guys from time to time?

Thanks for all the responses so far! Given me quite a bit of food for thought. For me, crushes are at once fun and a pain in the @$$, because every time I've crushed on someone it's been feelings unreturned. You let them know how you felt!?! :eek: OMG! I could never, I would never.:redface: I thought the whole essence of a crush was that the other person never knew how you truly felt. It's just so depressing & counterproductive. I agree that it's interesting to know that the body can be plugged into other people so easily, but it's also disturbing that sometimes that seems to occur to the detriment of our solid, reality-based relationships. hmmm. If your crush is having an adverse effect on a real relationship then there is another issue which needs to be addressed.
So, a slightly different turn to this question - have you ever had a crush that turned into a full-fledged relationship? Never, but not because they turned me down. I just suffered in silence. :rolleyes: Was this a positive or negative experience for you?? dp
I had a one night stand that turned into a full-fledged relationship once. :wink:


I did have a major crush on John F. Kennedy Jr. and was truly despondent when he died.

When Andy Gibb died I was so overwrought I wore black to work for 3 days.
 

jason_els

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I did have a major crush on John F. Kennedy Jr. and was truly despondent when he died.

When Andy Gibb died I was so overwrought I wore black to work for 3 days.

You have to stop falling in love with gay men! It'll never work out Pats! :biggrin1:

Seriously, best thing I ever did was defuse this. It was hard but it resulted in something much more rewarding.
 

Sixofspades

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I haven't had a crush in years. It used to happen all the time in school, but not in college or beyond it for some reason. I can think someone's attractive, and date them, sleep with them etc, but I can't say I've had that daydream type of infatuation for a very long time. It's all kind of take-it-or-leave-it with me lately.
 

Principessa

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You have to stop falling in love with gay men! It'll never work out Pats! :biggrin1:

Seriously, best thing I ever did was defuse this. It was hard but it resulted in something much more rewarding.


Huh? They were not gay! They were just handsome. :biggrin1:

Maybe that's why I haven't made a serious effort at a relationship lately. Every man I love dies . . . :frown1:
 

dudepiston

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Jason_els made some excellent points. I'd like to add that I would have liked to DEFUSE the situation from the get go. I was majorly aware that I had indeed created a fantasy friendship with this most recent crush. IN my head, we were best buds. It was very unrealistic. But I tried...I TRIED to make a 'real' relationship out of it. I knew that if I got to know this guy on any level as a 'real' friend that I'd defuse my feelings. He would not go for that. I'm not sure what it is about me, but people don't like me and that's that. I'm sure there's gossip in this town. I'm sure he has his reasons for not wanting to hang out but he never seemed to mind talking to me and emailing me. But he didn't want to take the friendship to anything close to resembling the next level, (hanging out together doing something....I didn't care what) which I would have been happy with, I think. Would have given us the chance to get to know each other on a better level.

It's also important to distinguish between these more intense emotional crushes, and purely sexual ones. I have both.....one is just for fun, the other can create entanglements, as Jason & others have described. Sometimes, one bleeds into the other. I also have crushes are really non-sexual in nature. I don't want sex with the guy, I just wanna be his best friend. But wanting that idly, and fantasizing about it to the point of it becoming unhealthy are two different things, for sure.
 

avg_joe

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Ok, I just did a search on here with "crush" in the title. Very interesting, and it does seem that most of us have crushes from time to time in our lives. One guy said it happened to him when he was dateless & unfulfilled. Is that true for you?

I don't think I'm normal when it comes to this. I've crushed on people - maybe one or two a year - since I was in college. Prior to that, I had a crush on a boy from my school for almost three years...hardly spoke to him. But I'm talking about hard crushes here. Not just 'oh, they're cool, I'd like to date' crush, but rather a 'I can picture you and I doing it on the sofa every night, getting married & adopting kids' kind of crush. And this is usually when I don't really KNOW that much about the person (i.e., it's not a friend, or anyone I hang out with.) I get rather depressed about these situations because obviously nothing positive really comes of them, I'm just left pining over someone who doesn't generally know nor care that I exist. And now I'm married...and for years the crushes have continued. If they're meaningless, then I'll just stop paying much attention to them. But I'm starting to think there's just something wrong with me.

Thoughts?

:rolleyes:
If you think you still have crushes on guys, you should talk to your wife frankly. You need to ask yourself whether you are more into men or women. Don't lie to yourself.