39m, married 1 year to my partner (34m), together 16 years.
Early on, we experimented with bringing in a third. One experience in particular stuck with me, not because of the guy himself, but because it exposed something in my partner. At the time, he was emotionally immature, a bit impulsive, and more easily influenced than I realized.
Over the years, I’ve taken on a lot of the “stability” role. We’ve built a great life, nice home, solid finances, routine, but he still leans pessimistic and a bit scattered. It’s something I’ve learned to manage, but it takes energy.
Back then, after that first experience, we had neighbors, a couple with kids. The husband ended up making a move on my partner. They had their moment, and I suggested we explore that dynamic together more intentionally. To my surprise, neither of them were interested in including me. That hit harder than I expected, rejection from both my partner and the other guy.
We talked it through. He was honest, and we moved forward. I chalked it up to where he was at emotionally back then.
Fast forward about 10 years. We move into a really nice neighborhood. I travel occasionally, and being in a new place brought back some of those old thoughts.
Our new neighbor is mid 30s, had a dad bod at first, married with kids. Very wholesome vibe, singing Disney songs with his daughters in the mornings. I started joking, half seriously, wondering if my partner would ever make a move like before. It became more of a private fantasy, nothing real, just something I played with in my head.
Then things shifted.
I noticed tension next door. Eventually, it became clear they divorced. His wife disappeared from the picture, her name even came off the property records.
About six months later, my husband walks in one day and says, “You were right. I just saw a very obvious guy run into his house.” Sure enough, the neighbor now has a boyfriend. He has gotten fitter, dresses better, carries himself differently, more intentional.
Now here is where I am at:
I have realized I genuinely enjoy the idea of sharing. I get a real sense of excitement seeing my partner desired. It is not about dissatisfaction, we have a good sex life. It is something else.
Two things I have noticed about myself:
I get a rush from the idea of him crossing lines, even if it is just fantasy.
I like the idea of sharing, for his enjoyment and for my own side of the experience.
But there is a third feeling that complicates everything: What if I am excluded?
That is the part that sticks.
I do not feel damaged by past experiences. I understand what was immaturity versus now. But as I get older and start thinking about libido, aging, and long term dynamics, I find myself weighing reality versus fantasy more carefully.
Sometimes I wonder if these scenarios are best left exactly where they are, in my head, where they are exciting, controlled, and safe.
Curious if anyone else has felt that mix: wanting to share, enjoying the idea of it, but knowing the line is being left out.
Early on, we experimented with bringing in a third. One experience in particular stuck with me, not because of the guy himself, but because it exposed something in my partner. At the time, he was emotionally immature, a bit impulsive, and more easily influenced than I realized.
Over the years, I’ve taken on a lot of the “stability” role. We’ve built a great life, nice home, solid finances, routine, but he still leans pessimistic and a bit scattered. It’s something I’ve learned to manage, but it takes energy.
Back then, after that first experience, we had neighbors, a couple with kids. The husband ended up making a move on my partner. They had their moment, and I suggested we explore that dynamic together more intentionally. To my surprise, neither of them were interested in including me. That hit harder than I expected, rejection from both my partner and the other guy.
We talked it through. He was honest, and we moved forward. I chalked it up to where he was at emotionally back then.
Fast forward about 10 years. We move into a really nice neighborhood. I travel occasionally, and being in a new place brought back some of those old thoughts.
Our new neighbor is mid 30s, had a dad bod at first, married with kids. Very wholesome vibe, singing Disney songs with his daughters in the mornings. I started joking, half seriously, wondering if my partner would ever make a move like before. It became more of a private fantasy, nothing real, just something I played with in my head.
Then things shifted.
I noticed tension next door. Eventually, it became clear they divorced. His wife disappeared from the picture, her name even came off the property records.
About six months later, my husband walks in one day and says, “You were right. I just saw a very obvious guy run into his house.” Sure enough, the neighbor now has a boyfriend. He has gotten fitter, dresses better, carries himself differently, more intentional.
Now here is where I am at:
I have realized I genuinely enjoy the idea of sharing. I get a real sense of excitement seeing my partner desired. It is not about dissatisfaction, we have a good sex life. It is something else.
Two things I have noticed about myself:
I get a rush from the idea of him crossing lines, even if it is just fantasy.
I like the idea of sharing, for his enjoyment and for my own side of the experience.
But there is a third feeling that complicates everything: What if I am excluded?
That is the part that sticks.
I do not feel damaged by past experiences. I understand what was immaturity versus now. But as I get older and start thinking about libido, aging, and long term dynamics, I find myself weighing reality versus fantasy more carefully.
Sometimes I wonder if these scenarios are best left exactly where they are, in my head, where they are exciting, controlled, and safe.
Curious if anyone else has felt that mix: wanting to share, enjoying the idea of it, but knowing the line is being left out.
