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Cut/uncut: dick-shaming your lover for being different?

Wei

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Hi. I'm a Chinese American guy with an uncut dick. My bf is also Chinese American, but he's cut. We both love each other very much and our cut/uncut difference is celebrated. Sex is way-out awesome and I personally love the cut look, too.

But we both heard bad stories where lovers have gotten intolerant of the other's dick difference. It can go from awkwardness and resentment at one end of the scale to outright hostility, open mockery and relationship breakdown at the other - in some cases, violating your privacy in the most hurtful way, by humiliating you through malicious jokes and gossip to friends, co-workers or even neighbors, about your most intimate body part.

Has dick-shaming ever happened to you, your lover, or anyone you know?

Wei
 
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shankity

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Wow. In a world that is trying to promote tolerance and support for all, this post really gets to me. Shame is an evil background that keeps people from expressing themselves. I have zero tolerance for anyone in my life that makes me ashamed of who I am. Hair, eyes, skin, dick status... No. Love me for who I am or the door is to the left.
 

Wei

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Wow. In a world that is trying to promote tolerance and support for all, this post really gets to me. Shame is an evil background that keeps people from expressing themselves. I have zero tolerance for anyone in my life that makes me ashamed of who I am. Hair, eyes, skin, dick status... No. Love me for who I am or the door is to the left.

I totally agree - it really does. Maybe dick-shaming is a taboo subject for me to raise here, but it seems to affect a surprising number of relationships...
 

QANDA

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I've had partners who are both uncut and cut. One guy was very tightly cut to the point where it interfered with normal sex and foreplay. I guess the sex suffered and it put me off a little. Conversely I had a Muslim ex who'd been in a long relationship with a Jewish guy who couldn't really accept foreskin.
 
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I knew a girl (friend of a friend) who would go on dating sites to try and get guys to send her dick pics. She would completely ridicule any uncut guys, the more foreskin they had the meaner she was. A few months later she tried to hook up with me and much to her surprise was rejected. The bottom line is if you think it’s okay to body shame anyone then you should be trusted by no one.
 

Wei

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I've had partners who are both uncut and cut. One guy was very tightly cut to the point where it interfered with normal sex and foreplay. I guess the sex suffered and it put me off a little. Conversely I had a Muslim ex who'd been in a long relationship with a Jewish guy who couldn't really accept foreskin.

Oh, that's interesting. You're in London, UK? So was the guy who was very tightly cut also British - and for what reason?

Yes, when we went to the UK we met a black London guy who is circumcised because his parents are from Ghana in West Africa. It's done for cultural, not religious, reasons. He told us that and most black British guys born in UK like him with either one or two African parents are circumcised (because most of those parents are from either West African countries like Ghana, Nigeria, Cameroon, Ivory Coast, etc, or from East African countries like Kenya and Ethiopia, in all of those countries where male circumcision of babies/young boys is the norm - often around 95%) - so he was looking for another circumcised guy to hook up with, as he's totally put off by foreskin...
 

Wei

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I knew a girl (friend of a friend) who would go on dating sites to try and get guys to send her dick pics. She would completely ridicule any uncut guys, the more foreskin they had the meaner she was. A few months later she tried to hook up with me and much to her surprise was rejected. The bottom line is if you think it’s okay to body shame anyone then you should be trusted by no one.

Absolutely. What a truly nasty woman! So good that you rejected her. Yes: body shame anyone who thinks they're being offered the chance of a genuine relationship with you, and don't be surprised if you end up being trusted by nobody...
 

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Hi. I'm a Chinese American guy with an uncut dick. My bf is also Chinese American, but he's cut. We both love each other very much and our cut/uncut difference is celebrated. Sex is way-out awesome and I personally love the cut look, too.

But we both heard bad stories where lovers have gotten intolerant of the other's dick difference. It can go from awkwardness and resentment at one end of the scale to outright hostility, open mockery and relationship breakdown at the other - in some cases, violating your privacy in the most hurtful way, by humiliating you through malicious jokes and gossip to friends, co-workers or even neighbors, about your most intimate body part.

Has dick-shaming ever happened to you, your lover, or anyone you know?

Wei
@Wei ..just look at some of the threads on this site that talk about circumcision.They usually start out with some civility before turning into a debate about preference. It gets quite ugly at times .
 

Wei

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@Wei ..just look at some of the threads on this site that talk about circumcision.They usually start out with some civility before turning into a debate about preference. It gets quite ugly at times .

Hi rayray,

Thanks for letting me know this. The thread topic here isn't inviting discussion of preference, but rather of people facing embarrassment and/or humiliation, for being either uncut or cut, when that information is publicized in some way, or otherwise becomes public knowledge, without their consent. It isn't taking one side of the cut/uncut debate and nor is it trying to encourage others to do so.

I do understand your general point though - which as I read it, is a warning about the possible unintended consequences of starting a thread which is ultimately about dick-shaming of both circumcised and uncircumcised guys...
 

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Hi rayray,

Thanks for letting me know this. The thread topic here isn't inviting discussion of preference, but rather of people facing embarrassment and/or humiliation, for being either uncut or cut, when that information is publicized in some way, or otherwise becomes public knowledge, without their consent. It isn't taking one side of the cut/uncut debate and nor is it trying to encourage others to do so.

I do understand your general point though - which as I read it, is a warning about the possible unintended consequences of starting a thread which is ultimately about dick-shaming of both circumcised and uncircumcised guys...
I get that you're talking more on a personal level . I was just pointing out how passionate and opinionated people are about the subject .
 
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Wei

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I get that you're talking more on a personal level . I was just pointing out how passionate and opinionated people are about the subject .

Yes - thank you. It's a shame that it has become so passionate and heated here in the US. By contrast, in mainland China, many guys in the big cities get circumcised (at 18+) for phimosis and a range of other reasons - and there's none of the denunciation and passionate intensity that there is here. angry, passionate denunciation of others. I think the main reason for that is that in China it's a matter of personal freedom of choice - not a decision made by parents/doctors on your behalf at birth...
 

Wei

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Sorry: I'll try posting that again, with the superfluous words removed - since we can't edit our posts after they've been sent! :

I get that you're talking more on a personal level . I was just pointing out how passionate and opinionated people are about the subject .

Yes - thank you. It's a shame that it has become so passionate and heated here in the US. By contrast, in mainland China, many guys in the big cities get circumcised (at 18+) for phimosis and a range of other reasons - and there's none of the denunciation and passionate intensity that there is here. I think the main reason for that is that in China it's a matter of personal freedom of choice - not a decision made by parents/doctors on your behalf at birth...
 

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I've had partners who are both uncut and cut. One guy was very tightly cut to the point where it interfered with normal sex and foreplay. I guess the sex suffered and it put me off a little. Conversely I had a Muslim ex who'd been in a long relationship with a Jewish guy who couldn't really accept foreskin.
Well this is strange. I'm sure both of those religions practice circumcision.
 

HOU_HEADHUNTER

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I don't agree with any kind of ridicule to a person's genitalia whether it be size or whether or not they are cut or uncut. I do often come across profiles where men and women are ridiculing uncut men and it's due to their own ignorance that somehow the extra skin means they are unclean or even worse such as std transmittance and yeast infections for women. Although it seems that men that are uncut get the most ridicule, there are threads on here that ridicule men that are cut because in a world view most people are uncut so it's a majority against a minority thing. Some of the comments I've seen are it's unnatural and therefore it's wrong. I'm cut but I've never denied a guy based on whether or not he was cut or uncut. It really doesn't even matter to me.
 
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Wei

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Well this is strange. I'm sure both of those religions practice circumcision.

They do. I think the poster meant that they had been in a long-term relationship BECAUSE the Jewish guy preferred circumcised guys (both he & the Muslim/Moslem guy are cut) and who wanted to stay with him as he couldn't accept foreskin (which most non-Muslim, non-Jewish guys in his country would still have)... :)
 
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1141702

I don't agree with any kind of ridicule to a person's genitalia whether it be size or whether or not they are cut or uncut. I do often come across profiles where men and women are ridiculing uncut men and it's due to their own ignorance that somehow the extra skin means they are unclean or even worse such as std transmittance and yeast infections for women. Although it seems that men that are uncut get the most ridicule, there are threads on here that ridicule men that are cut because in a world view most people are uncut so it's a majority against a minority thing. Some of the comments I've seen are it's unnatural and therefore it's wrong. I'm cut but I've never denied a guy based on whether or not he was cut or uncut. It really doesn't even matter to me.
I’d rather be ridiculed everyday of my life than be cut. Easier to deal with someone else, instead of me seeing my self as half a dude.
 
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Wei

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I don't agree with any kind of ridicule to a person's genitalia whether it be size or whether or not they are cut or uncut. I do often come across profiles where men and women are ridiculing uncut men and it's due to their own ignorance that somehow the extra skin means they are unclean or even worse such as std transmittance and yeast infections for women. Although it seems that men that are uncut get the most ridicule, there are threads on here that ridicule men that are cut because in a world view most people are uncut so it's a majority against a minority thing. Some of the comments I've seen are it's unnatural and therefore it's wrong. I'm cut but I've never denied a guy based on whether or not he was cut or uncut. It really doesn't even matter to me.

I strongly agree with you. I'm uncut and my bf is cut and I love both. While I personally prefer to remain uncut for erogenous sensation and lovemaking variety, and love the look of circumcised dicks, it's a trivial thing to base a whole relationship on. People who are only looking for their partner to be one or the other are too shallow, IMHO.

Yes, I also hate ridicule of anyone based on something like this, not just b'cos it's humiliating, but also b'cos some guys must do it for conditions like phimosis while other guy's parents chose to do it for them at birth or slightly older - even in countries where it is seen as very unusual. Yes, it's absolutely a majority against a minority thing. Interestingly, all my closest cousins in China are cut - they did it at 18+ for a variety of reasons none at birth), and told me that many Chinese guys in big cities (over 50% of cities' younger generation!) get circumcised for a wide variety of reasons. Also, there are circumcision advertisements everywhere in big Chinese cities: billboards, newspapers, radio, TV, movie theaters, etc.
 

Wei

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I’d rather be ridiculed everyday of my life than be cut. Easier to deal with someone else, instead of me seeing my self as half a dude.

Absolutely. It's just such a shame that there are ppl who ridicule others for something like this. They are so shallow that they just end up on my ignore list, haha. Nobody should ever be belittled by others to see themselves as half a dude, whether they're cut or uncut. Both are cool, but I passionately believe it should always be a matter of the individual's freedom of choice, not his parents' or guardians': his body, his decision.
 
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1141702

I don't agree with any kind of ridicule to a person's genitalia whether it be size or whether or not they are cut or uncut. I do often come across profiles where men and women are ridiculing uncut men and it's due to their own ignorance that somehow the extra skin means they are unclean or even worse such as std transmittance and yeast infections for women. Although it seems that men that are uncut get the most ridicule, there are threads on here that ridicule men that are cut because in a world view most people are uncut so it's a majority against a minority thing. Some of the comments I've seen are it's unnatural and therefore it's wrong. I'm cut but I've never denied a guy based on whether or not he was cut or uncut. It really doesn't even matter to me.
“Extra” - what bullshittery.
 
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1141702

Absolutely. It's just such a shame that there are ppl who ridicule others for something like this. They are so shallow that they just end up on my ignore list, haha. Nobody should ever be belittled by others to see themselves as half a dude, whether they're cut or uncut. Both are cool, but I passionately believe it should always be a matter of the individual's freedom of choice, not his parents' or guardians': his body, his decision.
Indeed. I had no choice, I feel like half a guy, I feel like I’ll never be normal, and I feel like uncut dudes are more of a man than me. That will not go away. Hence, self ridicule is always worse.
 
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