Cybersex is Cheating

Discussion in 'Et Cetera, Et Cetera' started by Drifterwood, Nov 28, 2007.

  1. Drifterwood

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    There is a seres on the UK Channel 4, that I caught briefly last night when I got in, called sex in noughties (00's).

    A lady called Dear Deirdre who has been writing an agony sex advice column in one of our lowbrows for more than twenty five years was unequivocal.

    Cybersex is cheating. Her rationale was that any sexual experience that did not involve your partner, but another, was cheating. She was specifically refering to camming where people were jerking off whilst just focusing on the other person's genitals in the act of masterbation.

    Personally, I have an issue with her definition of a sexual act not involving a partner. Does this make any form of solo masterbation cheating, watching porn or reading erotica? I thought that women, particularly, were being encouraged to discover their own sexuality and that fantasy was part of a healthy sex life?
     
  2. No_Strings

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    Well, I see anything that's hidden or lied about as 'cheating' sexual or otherwise, but for that definition I personally would rephrase it to; "Any sexual experience that did not involve your partner and includes another person."
     
  3. findfirefox

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    What about porn? That includes another person (kinda).
     
  4. Mr. Snakey

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    Well i dont consider it cheating. I dont however participate in it. Its just a personal choice.
     
  5. Drifterwood

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    I can hear the Ladies' sighs from here. :biggrin1:
     
  6. Mr. Snakey

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    No i save the good stuff for momma. By the time i get off of here my dick is so hard i could drill a hole in the wall.:biggrin1:
     
  7. ActionBuddy

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    Prudes are prudes. Fuck that.
     
  8. cowbell53

    cowbell53 New Member

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    It is Cheating, in every way, if you have a happy good and healthy sexlife with a partner,husband or wife,where is the need to go 'camming'. I think it is totally unnecessary. It isn't even in the same category as porn magazines, or porn videos, they are doing that for cameras,camming becomes personal.
     
  9. Principessa

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    That's probably why we ladies love and respect you so. :kiss: We know you won't spit on our shoes and tell us it's raining. :cool:
     
  10. Mr. Snakey

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    Its not being a prude. Its a matter of choice.
     
  11. Mr. Snakey

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    Your such a sweetheart:kiss:
     
  12. Drifterwood

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    I think that there are two answers to this.

    First you may have an excellent relationship in all respects other than complete sexual compatability, not to mention availability when needed.

    Secondly you may wish something that your partner is unwilling to give. You then have a choice as to whether to make it an issue or not, or simply to discreetly deal with it.
     
  13. SpoiledPrincess

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    I don't view it as cheating but I don't view it as not cheating, it's kinda interactive porn BUT if your partner doesn't know you're doing it then it's definitely cheating. When I was marrried I didn't give a toss if my husband was talking filth to half the women on the net, they were stoking his engine for me, but if he'd taken it to phone calls or suggested meetings I'd have ripped his balls off, sauteed them and fed them to him with a nice chianti.
     
  14. Drifterwood

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    I didn't see the whole programme, but it did say that porn downloading from the internet by women was increasing by 30 % a year in the UK. It also implied that big cocks were a significant aspect of this.

    Should you cut your wife's tits off and feed them to her if you find her camming with a well endowed guy, SP?
     
  15. SpoiledPrincess

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    Of course not, she was probably driven to it by a cold and neglectful husband :)
     
  16. Drifterwood

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    Silly me :biggrin1:

    The internet is now having a very real impact on relationships.

    People, men and women can see what is available to discover and enjoy sexually. For some this is clearly leading them to become unfulfilled in their existing relationship.

    I can see a new morality emerging.
     
  17. ledroit

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    There are two tricks to this question.

    To see if you are cheating on anything, we need to take a look at the agreement you and your partner have, as well as your own commitments and responsibilities. What are the limits? Cheating means you have to have an agreement first (with committed obligations). Only then it is possible for you to cheat.

    The second trick is that sex can't be reduced to mechanical action. Is a dog cheating when he humps your leg?

    For humans, sex involves communication and intentionality. That requires imagination, thinking, emotional engagement, all kinds of "higher functions" and intentionality (since you have to assume that both meaning and value are also involved).

    If you don't assume intentional meaning and value are involved, how is a wet dream not cheating if the dream involves a partner other than the one in your primary, committed relationship?

    Human relationships and sex itself involve more complex activities than simple mechanical actions do, even if the mechanical action is piston-like and involves a dick with a release trigger.

    Cheating on an agreement involves a complex judgment about limits, obligations, compromises, consequences, implications, availability, freedom to engage and disengage, intentionality, responsibility and a billion other not very simple things.

    No wonder this woman has been giving advice to the unhappy in a low brow paper for years. Thinking may not be her forte. Sex itself might not even be her forte.
     
  18. D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah

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    I have to agree. If you have to keep it a secret, then its wrong therefore a form of cheating. Not to mention i have seen innocent cybersex turn into harmful 'reality' sex where numerous people got hurt.

    I think because it isn't physical (at least to start with) then people don't think of the repercussions
     
  19. ManlyBanisters

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    No, NOW you can hear the ladies sigh... Lucky K :smile:

    Serious bit: Basic rule - if your partner considers it cheating it is cheating.

    I know some couples who don't consider sexual intercourse cheating (unless 'falling in love' starts coming in to play). I know other couples one half of which gets upset when the other so much as laughs with a member of the oppsite sex (those are hetro couples, obviously). Now, that's a bit extreme - but it illustrates the point. If you think your partner would be hurt / feel betrayed then it is cheating - whatever it is, in person, over the internet. Now - some people may consider their partner's feelings of betrayal unreasonable or unfounded - in that case it may be time to renegotiate the contract (borrowing terminology from a previous poster).

    I'm not sure about a new morality - what do you mean by that?

    Certainly there are plenty of new ways of expressing sexuality and participating in fantasy and interacting sexually without physical contact. But I don't see how that changes the morality. Maybe I'm working from a different definition (?)
     
  20. B_ScaredLittleBoy

    B_ScaredLittleBoy New Member

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    If you can tell your partner about it and she (or he) stays with you, its not cheating. If they dump you, maybe give you a slap, its cheating.

    If you are too much of a pussy to tell your partner, its cheating.

    So IMO and in lots of people's O's, its cheating. A magazine or even a video are inanimate, non-respsonsive objects. You will likely never see the girl or guy in the video. When camming, there are two people involved, interacting. That could lead places and generally, if you have to keep it a secret, its cheating. Or otherwise bad for the relationship.

    How would you feel if your partner was jacking him or herself off on cam for someone?

    I would see it as a massive betrayl of trust and it would end the relationship. But maybe I'm weird like that. Or is it weird to condone mutual masturbation with another person?

    Just because it's remote mutual masturbation...
     
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