Cybersex with strangers in a relationship

futureboy88

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My bf made it very clear it's a no-go. Yet I've been doing behind his back for years. I'm my opinion it's interactive porn, not cheating.

And as much as I love him, I don't think I could give it up.

What are your thought on this?
 
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captain_r

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I am happily married and have an awsome love life and marriage.
I have cammed a number of times anonymously. I don't trade contact information. Don't correspond in anyway after the fact.
Have no desires to want anything more out what I do than for the other person to enjoy my show.
 

Betty_Cocker

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I would imagine if he said plainly "no" and you did it anyway... it means you really don't care what he thinks, right? A display of defiance, perhaps?

When he said "no" was there discussion? There should have been.

For you to do anything behind your partner's back knowing they disapprove is a form of cheating to me. You and he will eventually have to deal with it.

Just my 2 cents.
 

rbkwp

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My bf made it very clear it's a no-go. Yet I've been doing behind his back for years.




deceitful, i will have to say
and i am usually OK with most things like that ..
revise the relationship i would add, for his sake if your being fair ..
 

D_BenJo_Ahanakokolele

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I'm very disappointed to hear this because it was done to me... You have no idea how much it will hurt him if he finds out.

Your a liar, and it plain to see that you don't respect him. you might love him, but that doesn't mean you respect him. For me, there is no true relationship there.

Put yourself in his shoes... what if he was doing something behind your back that he knew you would not like... its not so much the so called cheating that hurts... its the fact that you lied to someone you supposedly loved and respected.
 

Guill

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Given that he says he doesn't want you to do it and constitutes cheating to him...then that's what it is. You've talked about it and that's is opinion on the subject and in this case it's his opinion that counts.
 

rbkwp

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I always thought?
you give up a life of your own, when you have a bf or relationship?

Dumb me!

Cybesex is just a modern sex craze to disturb decent relationships init?
OK if both agree, mind you ha
 

B_Nick8

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I'm of two minds on this. I don't consider cyber-sex cheating either, particularly when there's no emotion at all and you have no intention of ever meeting--and truly don't want to--any of the others involved. To me it's no different from fantasizing about someone other than your bf when you're masturbating which is perfectly normal.

That said, you are still lying to your bf and not respecting his feelings which is unacceptable. This means you owe him a frank and open conversation about this. I wouldn't necessarily admit to having done it; confession will simply hurt his feelings and allow him to deflect the discussion with anger. But I would impress upon him your desire to do this and reinforce the fact that you love him and this in no way detracts from that or your commitment to him. He is obviously expressing his insecurity here and needs to be handled with kindness and love. If he cannot come around, you need to rethink what is more important to you: jerkoff fantasies or him.

FYI, I had a cam when my bf of 7 years and I first began dating. When we became a couple, he asked me to disconnect it. We talked about it and he heard me but it still made him uncomfortable. I threw it out
.
 

Stephenmass

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Very well said Sinclair. I have to admit if my mate was doing it "behind my back" and I found out after the fact (say a year or two later) that I'd feel just as you described. I'd also like to ask the OP, if you are satisfied sexually with your current lover BUT you want to in a way open the relationship to j/o'ing off with others on cam, why have you not told him this? Could it be because in a way, deep down, that you wouldn't mind in real life? Just asking, not judging.

I'm very disappointed to hear this because it was done to me... You have no idea how much it will hurt him if he finds out.

Your a liar, and it plain to see that you don't respect him. you might love him, but that doesn't mean you respect him. For me, there is no true relationship there.

Put yourself in his shoes... what if he was doing something behind your back that he knew you would not like... its not so much the so called cheating that hurts... its the fact that you lied to someone you supposedly loved and respected.
 

erratic

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I agree with Nick8's assessment that your boyfriend's opinion is the one that really matters.

OP, you could have a hundred of us here line up behind you and agree that it's not cheating, but when your boyfriend finds out that you're lying to him about what he considers cheating, it won't make a lick of difference.

Worse, regardless of whether what you're doing constitutes cheating (which, by the way, it is, as it violates the parameters of your relationship), you are lying to him. You are lying to your boyfriend. You have been lying to your boyfriend for years. If he were asking me for advice, I would tell him to dump you and move on to someone who can give him what he wants.

And, frankly, unless you feel you can stop violating the agreements upon which your relationship is based, I'd advise you to do the same. Move on to a guy who doesn't consider cybersex with strangers cheating, and let your boyfriend move on to someone who does. Or at least come clean and give him the choice he deserves.

I don't say it to be mean, but because I think it's kinder to end the lies and the grief that will inevitably follow.
 

B_Ychromosome

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My bf made it very clear it's a no-go. Yet I've been doing behind his back for years. I'm my opinion it's interactive porn, not cheating.

And as much as I love him, I don't think I could give it up.

What are your thought on this?

It's cheating! You're keeping contact with another person for sexual or romantic interest, so...even if it is behind a computer screen, you're cheating. why are you into a relationship if you can't respect it?
 

IntoxicatingToxin

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Everyone has a different idea of what constitutes cheating. If your boyfriend is uncomfortable with it and asked you not to do it and you're continuing to do so, then he's probably going to be ultra pissed when he finds out, I'm sure he feels that it's some sort of cheating. I know I'd be pissed.