Dad as Roommate?

[thchill]

I had a friend to reccomend this site as a way to get some opnions about what to do with my current living situation. I am a 26 year old male who just finished my MBA last month, and unfortunatley I am having to consider moving back home. I had originally planned on getting into the banking industry, but my timing , and the current state of US banks, has made that difficult.

I have been living with a bud of mine from my program for the last two months since graduating. I am bartending, but I can't seem to get ahead financially. The other day my dad, who is in the process of getting divorced and is now living on his own, offered to let me move in to his new condo with him for a year rent free.

My concerns are really centered around losing some of my freedoms, when it comes to nudity, dating, etc. My current roommate couldn't care less about when I bring a girl home, when I walk nude to the bathroom (since I sleep in the nude), and has probobly heard me jacking off once or twice. We joke about that, but it's not like I couldn't assume what he was up too in his room as well.

There are other things that I am worried about, but I am concerned about these things because growing up I was really self conscious about naked in front of my dad. He walked around openly (we were living by ourselves at the time), but I was always worried about my size. As I left for college, I lost most of that apprehention, and I started to be less concerned. I realized that I was a substantial grower, confirmed by a girlfriend freshmen year, and I became a lot less concercerned about it. When I went home at the end of freshman year, I started to not worry about walking around clothed all the time, and my dad seemed to be bothered and started to cover up. He soon met my first step-mother, and it became a non-issue.

The point is that the place has only one bathroom to begin with, and I think it would be ridiculous for this to be a big deal. Am I wrong? How should I approach this? Should this even matter? I mean it is free rent.

Sorry for the long post and thanks for the advice.

 

[killerb]

I say suck it up for one year, save as much cash as possible and don't stress yourself out worrying about being nude around your dad.

 

[D_Chaumbrelayne_Copprehead]

Hey, thchill, here's what I would recommend. Think through all your hesitations; write them down so you remember them all; and talk them through with your dad. One by one.

Your dad is always going to be your dad. But now, instead of a boy, you're an adult, who has sex and is comfortable with himself naked and doesn't want to pretend he doesn't jack off.

This could be a chance for your dad to know you as a grown-up as well as he knew you as a young kid. And he might surprise you with who he really is as a guy ... not just a father. After your freshman year, you were probably still his teenage son and he was pretty responsible for you. You're your own person now, the better part of a decade later, and my guess is you'd impress your old man by standing up for and negotiating what's important to you.

 

[hockeyguy741]

I'd agree with the other two posters talk with your dad about some of the issues you have and get that sorted out

As for being naked around your dad, dont make a big deal out of nothing it might be kinda strange at first but after awhile it won't matter

 

[oldriver]

thchill, just suck it up and put nudity on the back burner for a while. You're in your Dad's home, he has a new wife who I hope is the love of his life, so enjoy living rent-free until you get back on your feet financially, and don't rock his boat.

Make a bathroom sharing arrangement and, on those weekends when you want to "hang out" with your girlfriends, you should be able to save enough money to spring for a motel room for a couple of days.

Guarantee you, Dad will understand. He's been there before you. Good luck!

 

[B_Nick4444]

I think there was a Russel Crowe movie like this

you and your dad have the same relationship?

either way, it's only a year

 

[B_FruitFly]

Kinda owe him, don't ya?

 

[Viking_UK]

I'd say go for it, but talk to your dad about your concerns. As for the nudity, would he be bothered if it was some other guy as opposed to his son wandering around naked? If so, that's a totally different issue and you should respect his wishes/ sensibilities and cover up. If he doesn't mind other guys being naked but wants you to cover up, it's time he realised you're a grown man and not a kid, but on the other hand, he's providing you with rent-free accommodation, so you should maybe cut him some slack. Either way, talk about it with him.
When it comes to bringing girls home, the same applies, although if you were raised to be a "good" boy and wait for marriage before having sex, you can understand why he might disapprove and if he's paying the rent, well... His house, his rules, but negotiation is the name of the game.

 

[bluemountain]

All of the advice sounds good. Communication is the key word here. If you were my son, a man-to-man talk would be greatly appreciated. We would openly discuss the issues and work out a mutal agreement that both of us would be comfortable with.

 

[D_Jared Padalicki]

If your badn with your dad is great, then everything will be fine. You are both grown up men now, so discuss it. Ask him what you can do and can't. Also tell him that he don't have to raise you up anymore. Ask him if he is okey with the nudity.
Asking never hurts. Make some agreements.
It will work man!
Good luck.

 

[thchill]

Thanks for all the advice. I am headed down to my hometown tomorrow to talk about the offer. I am not really sure how to start the discussion about nudity, guests, etc., but I am hoping that something will hit me that seems like the right thing to say.

To address one of Viking's points, my dad is comfortable being nude around other guys. He goes to a gym daily at lunch and showers before returning to work. At least that is what he tells me. I think that the main issue for me here is that I am hesitant to move back in because this could be one of many ways that he doesn't see me as an adult thereby making the living situation more of a challenge.

 

[SpeedoMike]

OTOH, have you thought how you would feel if dad brought home a date to spend the night??? Life's like that.

 

[bigdicksarebest]

Your quote "I think that the main issue for me here is that I am hesitant to move back in because this could be one of many ways that he doesn't see me as an adult thereby making the living situation more of a challenge."


I'm sure your Dad is aware of the economic situation going on in this country right now and I really think he wants to help you out. He doesn't see you as less of a man for moving back home. Your Dad sounds like a rare gem a parent thats there for you. Take him up on the offer and don't feel bad about yourself. Best of luck to you

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

I think being naked around your dad would only be weird the first time. After that you'd be wondering why you ever made a big deal about it in the first place. And you'll probably have a closer relationship with him

My dad and I are naked together all the time

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

Thanks for all the advice. I am headed down to my hometown tomorrow to talk about the offer. I am not really sure how to start the discussion about nudity, guests, etc., but I am hoping that something will hit me that seems like the right thing to say.

To address one of Viking's points, my dad is comfortable being nude around other guys. He goes to a gym daily at lunch and showers before returning to work. At least that is what he tells me. I think that the main issue for me here is that I am hesitant to move back in because this could be one of many ways that he doesn't see me as an adult thereby making the living situation more of a challenge.

Maybe you could go to the gym with him and after you shower together it wouldn't even be an issue anymore.

 

[SR_Manny Manparts]

you'll be allright dude, just gor for it!!!

 

[transformer_99]

I'd stay on my own for as long as possible, if the job you have is keeping you independent and on your own, that's the best way to go. Dad has his life, you have yours and your relationship continues to grow. The independence of paying for your own space is worth it.

 

[bstexas]

hey bud, i didn't read all the posts, but i read your question and concerns. I would say live with ur dad. Sounds like u have had issues in the past ... but they are really non issues. Hey, you are both "men" now. Tell ur dad u appreciate the offer and maybe discuss some guidelines. You think it might be weird if u take a girl home? What about if HE takes one? How will you feell? Or he feel? Or walking around nude ... Dude, you are two adults. Tell him you walk around nude. And ask if it is an issue. Sounds like u used to do it before. He's your dad yes, but he's ur "room mate". Go in this aragnement as you would with another room mate. Yes, the banking situation sucks but liveing ent free for a year sound like a good deal. See if you can make it work. aight?

 

[catman]

As a dad on the other side of this situation (widowed, 3 grown sons, one working on his masters), 1 married, 1 screwing half the planet..er..'dating'-

I agree, be honest and open with him. (we may be old but we were once in our 20s..(yes we did have to walk up hill in the snow, past the dinosaurs to go to school then but...).

I like the idea of making a list, and your concerns are valid. For me, I found the 'talkinga bout things' to be a great learning curve, for all of us.

guess what? all guys jack off, fart, get naked, watch tv and...breathe...

 

[pronatalist]

Free rent is really a huge plus.

People who can reasonably stay home with parents, would be wise to do so, especially with a savings/investment plan that will help them save up a sizable down payment towards marriage and buying a house later on. It really helps expand your options, if you can save up the money while you can make some money, without endless bills continually draining your finances.

Living at home is a major consideration more people should consider. Living out on your own, really isn't all it's cracked up to be. It's often so expensive, and often quite unnecessary, until marriage, children, and then "overflowing" house full of children.

But don't mooch or leach off your parents, sitting at home doing nothing. Work on your education, do Christian missionary work, work a job, pay some reasonable expenses, do something. And respect your parents, as it is their roof you are under.

Even after getting financially established well enough to move out of your parents' home, still try to move not very far away. All that free babysitting from loving grandparents, is a huge consideration. And when parents get too old, they may need your help to take them to the grocery store and such, and that's so much easier, when you all live in the same city.