"Daddies" and HIV

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by yngjock20, Nov 23, 2007.

  1. yngjock20

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    Here's something I've been struggling with.

    I like "Daddies." Older, masculine, assertive men who are often into domination or leather scenes. Men who smoke American Spirits or Reds and may have an affinity for not cleaning their jockstraps. Men whose entire body is covered with enough hair to keep them warm if they were stripped naked and left in the middle of a snowstorm for four weeks. Men with internet handles like "Topskin72" "CUM2DADDY"or "Skull Mason." (I thought I'd just throw that in there, LOL!)

    However, In my journeys (read: cruising) I've noticed that many of the guys who fall into my qualifications are also HIV positive.

    Now, I don't have a problem with men who have HIV, but it seems that there are few daddies, at least in my area, who are negative or not infected. I'm not sure if that's because of the time that they grew up sexually in or their sexual habits (since unprotected sex almost goes hand in hand with leather, S & M and other dominant scenes) but I would like to find some good, hard, rough top men who don't have HIV.

    If you have comments, advice or just want to call me out on something random that you've clearly taken out of context...feel free to leave it right here in this thread.
     
  2. basque9

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    If you are searching on websites where you have a profile, in that profile state clearly what your specifications and requirements are concerning HIV/Aids. Say something such as I play safe sex only and with playmates who are HIV/Aids negative. Granted this will not be 100% safe, but it will stop most of the infected guys from contacting you!:smile:
     
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  3. Bbucko

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    Dig farther.

    I work in a leather/SM bar and the men you describe are the majority of our clientèle. On any given night, the negs outnumber the poz by 2-1 or greater in my rough estimation.

    Leather/SM is not synonymous with unprotected sex, and I frankly don't believe that percentages of leathermen who are HIV+ is any greater than the general population.

    But it would be disingenuous of me to not acknowledge that a large part of the pool of single and/or available men in their 40s & 50s isn't HIV+. We are the survivors who made it this far.

    I'm also going to warn you in the sternest possible way:

    Serosorting only works when both partners are poz.

    Men lie about their status.

    Many men are unaware of their status. The window for infection for HIV is 13 weeks.

    Be highly skeptical of anyone brandishing "papers" or "proof" of his negative status.

    Only you are responsible for maintaining/protecting your negative status.

    Do not consider suggestions of monogamy in relationships less than 18 months old.

    Safer sex only works if you do it every time, with every man you come into contact with.


    Good luck with this. Remember that it's possible to play with leather daddies and stay negative even if they themselves are poz.
     
  4. yngjock20

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    Thanks for the advice. I was honestly hoping that you would answer as I knew that you were in the scene (and I think you're attractive :smile:)
     
  5. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    I am so coming to visit you!

    Quite true.

    And I thank providence for those survivors. The gay community desperately needs them and no subcommunity more than leather/SM.

    So true!! Thank you bbucko!
     
  6. DC_DEEP

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    Ah, Bbucko, you always have such excellent posts!

    yngjock, you mention that "in your area," most of they daddy types are poz, but you don't say what your area is.

    My partner and I are both "daddy types," both negative. We are in the DC area, but are both members of the Chicago Hellfire Club. At our annual leather run, it is a private invitation-only event at a closed run site. One of the run mottos is "Safe, sane, and consensual" and a fairly strictly enforced policy is "no unprotected sex or unsafe practices." Of course, I'm sure violations do occur, and some exceptions are made for recognized partners. But most everyone abides by those guidelines.

    My point in this ramble is, you have to know where to look, and what to look for. It's also a good and sensible idea to get to know someone before you engage in sexual behaviors, especially "alternative" things such as BdSm.
     
  7. jason_els

    jason_els <img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi

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    That's no ramble. It's very informative.

    There are few things that impress me more than the important of knowing who you're playing with. Contracts must be explicit and stated and repeated back to make sure you know who you're playing with. References from other club members are good too. No way would I allow someone I just met to do anything with me in a scene unless that scene was supervised. You also have to listen to your gut about someone. Anything even slightly sketchy and forget it. Considering what could happen, it's not worth the risk. The last thing you want is to be in a sling, gagged and blindfolded, with your ass wide open and every guy who walks buy fucking you without protection while your top is ignoring your safety signals!
     
  8. ryanart

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    Love You Bbucko!
     
  9. simcha

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    DC, Oh my God do you bring back memories. I used to love to go to Cell Block when I lived in Chicago when I knew the Hellfire Club was going to be there. Those guys were a lot of fun and they helped me to experiment sexually and broaden my horizons in relative safety. I was a regular at Cell Block and the Eagle up on Clark. And way back when I was a regular at Deeks. I always liked the Chicago leather community. It was always very welcoming and appreciated men of many different types and styles. I had so much fun at these clubs with these guys.
     
  10. sdbg

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    When AIDS came on the scene in the early '80s, I had just broke off with my BF of 6 years. I knew that the rules of the game changed. I immersed myself in my college studies and quit looking to hook up. At this stage of my life, I'm single and a partner would be nice. The fear of HIV makes me more desirous of a relationship than casual sex.
     
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