Daddy/Boy Relationships?

midlifebear

Expert Member
Joined
Dec 21, 2007
Posts
5,789
Media
0
Likes
174
Points
133
Location
Nevada, Buenos Aires, and Barçelona
Sexuality
60% Gay, 40% Straight
Gender
Male
Let me see, hmmm. . . as a general rule of thumb, these are the shallow parameters currently observed in Gay Kulture:

Under 18 = Chicken, pederasts of all ages tend to seek out those under the age of consent or those who have just turned 18.

18 to 30 years old = Twinkies, (smooth on the outside, creamy on the inside) those years when we presume to possess wisdom, spend lots of party tickets and consider people over 30 to be "ancient."

30 to 40 years old = a "guppy" if your lucky,"(gay upwardly mobile urban type) or some such nonsense during which "nesting" is supposed to be a serious preoccupation.

40 to 50 = being perceived as a "daddy" if you appear aggressive and über masculine. With sub categories of "bears" for those who have fully blossomed beards, gained a few pounds (or heavy muscles) especially if you have more hair on your ass than you do on your head. Does not, however, indicate whether your a "bottom" or a "top" -- as if it really matters, and to many I supposed it does.

50 years on up = mature daddy (or mature bear, with regard to the hair thing), can be either bottom or top. Toss a coin.

60 years on up = grandpas and/or polar bears (again with the hair thing and tossing of coins).

The above generalizations do not include young, hairy "cubs" in their late 20's through their 30's or "otters", supposedly young men in their late 20's through their 30's who are not hairy, otherwise buff, but isexually attracted to older, hairy men who qualify as bears. And of course, there are the many and various fetishes of leather daddies, tattooed/pierced sex pigs, and the plucky S and M crowds.

Then there are the chubby chasers and the chubs, one of my favorite categories, for it shows that not all good-looking young men are turned on by just buff, toned, men and prefer their sex partners on the obese side. As a very obese friend explained to me: "Why buy a water bed? They can just use me." He may not be my idea of a turn on, but he's definitely well-centered and at ease with himself.

And what does all this mean? Well, I suppose it's just an indication there are some generalizations that can be used for the pupose of sterotyping. But I personally find it terribly unreliable.

Well, when I was in my teens and 20's I preferred mature men (Sean Connery types) in their 40s. Strangely enough, I still do. Until I turned 50 all of my male lovers were older than me. And imagine how happy I was to realize I had grown into the type of masculine, virile, horny male I found to be a turn on as a youth. Then imagine how disappointed I was to discover that men my "type" seem more interested in younger men looking for a "daddy." When I complained to a friend one day, "Where are all the good-looking daddies?" he pointed out that younger men were hoarding them all (jokingly, of course). So, now I find myself in a relationship with a younger, muscle bear who seems quite content to hold onto me all night long like a Koala. It must be love, because I find his loud snoring very soothing.

As for the categorization of gay male "types"; to me it's still all bull shit (except that underage means UNDERAGE! Do not touch!). These gay generalizations always annoy me. For example, I wear a red bandana in my right back Levi's pocket because that's where it's easiest for me to keep it. One day I had a black bandana in my right back pocket and some guy asked me "What does that mean?" I answered truthfully, "It means I like to blow my nose." However, it's rare that I ever use a bandana for anything except to wipe the sweat off my forehead when frolicking about in the heat and humidity of BsAs -- which is like living at the bottom of the ocean.

I'm certain one can find a Wikipedia entry covering this sort of need by the gay community to label and categorize everything. After all, without order one only has chaos -- or some such crap.

Wishing everyone an exceptional life-experience and if you shoot anything shoot only positive karmic bullets.

I need a beer.
 

CUBE

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
May 28, 2005
Posts
8,542
Media
13
Likes
7,674
Points
433
Location
The OC
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
How funny to find this thread today. The question of Daddy/Son has been on my mind. I went to Vegas and had one hell of a time at the spa for a few days. Basically I'm a nice looking enough with a reg build....but not special in any way...which is fine:) I see these big dudes throughout the day who strike me as really masculine dominate dudes right. These guys are about my age...late 30s/early 40s....and not together. One after another they go after me and the first thing they do is drop to their knees to suck me off and start in on "Daddy let me service you etc...tell me what you want...I want to serve you." It kind of shocked me. Never thought I looked like anyones daddy. Now my first (mental)reaction to the request is..."do for me...well...clean my house"...but outloud I decided to help out the requesting guy with some serious attention. It was different. Role playing and all. Not sure if could be my regular routine though....though the poster with the older gent working him ever reads hot as hell. I was flattered I guess.
 

Lex

Expert Member
Joined
Jun 11, 2004
Posts
8,253
Media
0
Likes
118
Points
268
Location
In Your Darkest Thoughts and Dreams
Sexuality
99% Gay, 1% Straight
Gender
Male
~quicksilver~ - glad you are enjoying the vibe.

midlifebear
--thanks for that very informative post.

Cube-- your definitely have the look of a daddy-type--bearded/face fur--a mature stable look. I understand that it can be unsettling to be expected to daddy someone, especially if you were not expecting that. I remember how weird it felt to have older men what to submit to me--very weird at first.

Being "Daddy" have less to do with age than it does with attitude and demeanor. I know men who are younger than me who are "daddies" and men who are older than me who are "boys." You should also note that even if you are a daddy, you may not be able to "daddy" everyone you meet and there will be someone who can "daddy" you.

As they say, "Even daddies need daddies sometimes."

The Daddy/Son, Sir/Boy, Bear/Cub, Coach/Player dynamic is often one with a huge power differential, although this is not always the case. Overall, it is not that different from the Daddy/Cheerleader dynamic that you can see in straight fantasy play. The power differential can be one in the bedroom, outside, or both.

I know men in the leather lifestyle who are "Sirs" and have full time "boys." In this dynamic, the Sir is always in control and telling/dominating (note: dominating does not preclude being tender and loving). I have seen boys in public at leather events who can not speak or move unless given permission by their Sir.

I have always enjoyed the energy exchange and interactive Daddy/Son, Bear/Cub dynamic from both ends (being a Libra might have something to do with that). In the bear community, I am what you call a "cub with daddy tendencies." I like to be in control and be the Sir and I also like to be the boy and take a role where my Daddy bear is the dominant/protector. It's all about the energy exchange. My hubby is actually a "Daddy with cub tendencies" so our relationship works well.

In our case, the Daddy/Bear-Cub/Boy dynamic is one that is mostly role play in the bedroom. In decisions we are full partners, although we defer to one-another's relative areas of expertise. I call him Bubba and he calls me Pup in public.

The dynamics can be really interesting and change based on the players.

For example:

with DC DEEP-I would be the boy and he and his hubby are the Sirs.

DC DEEP is a daddy and can be his hubby's boy.

His hubby would probably be my hubby's Sir/Daddy.

My Hubby is usually my Daddy Bear (although we flip).

I would be Matthew's Daddy if we dated.

Cube has always talked about submitting to me--WOOOF! (We would have to flip that dynamic from time to time, though).

I have even been in dynamics where there was Daddy --> Boy1 (but boy1 is daddy to -->boy2). So, fromboy2's perspective, there are two daddies. From boy1's perspective he has a daddy and a boy and from the daddy's perspective, there are two boys.

It's all relative.
 

Tanvir

Experimental Member
Joined
Dec 31, 2007
Posts
116
Media
3
Likes
4
Points
103
Location
Suitland, MD
Sexuality
90% Straight, 10% Gay
Gender
Male
My first real man, older man, was a friend of my mother's-like a brother to her and my father also. I worked for him for only one summer and we were together alot (in every way). He made love to me at a family cookout and ended the affair after a cousin saw us. I was 19.

Strangely, I just chatted about this before seeing this topic, and it is the first time I have discussed it in years.
 

B_Italian1

Experimental Member
Joined
Jul 24, 2007
Posts
1,661
Media
0
Likes
13
Points
183
Location
United Steaks
Sexuality
99% Straight, 1% Gay
Gender
Male
~quicksilver~ - glad you are enjoying the vibe.

midlifebear
--thanks for that very informative post.

Cube-- your definitely have the look of a daddy-type--bearded/face fur--a mature stable look. I understand that it can be unsettling to be expected to daddy someone, especially if you were not expecting that. I remember how weird it felt to have older men what to submit to me--very weird at first.

Being "Daddy" have less to do with age than it does with attitude and demeanor. I know men who are younger than me who are "daddies" and men who are older than me who are "boys." You should also note that even if you are a daddy, you may not be able to "daddy" everyone you meet and there will be someone who can "daddy" you.

As they say, "Even daddies need daddies sometimes."

The Daddy/Son, Sir/Boy, Bear/Cub, Coach/Player dynamic is often one with a huge power differential, although this is not always the case. Overall, it is not that different from the Daddy/Cheerleader dynamic that you can see in straight fantasy play. The power differential can be one in the bedroom, outside, or both.

I know men in the leather lifestyle who are "Sirs" and have full time "boys." In this dynamic, the Sir is always in control and telling/dominating (note: dominating does not preclude being tender and loving). I have seen boys in public at leather events who can not speak or move unless given permission by their Sir.

I have always enjoyed the energy exchange and interactive Daddy/Son, Bear/Cub dynamic from both ends (being a Libra might have something to do with that). In the bear community, I am what you call a "cub with daddy tendencies." I like to be in control and be the Sir and I also like to be the boy and take a role where my Daddy bear is the dominant/protector. It's all about the energy exchange. My hubby is actually a "Daddy with cub tendencies" so our relationship works well.

In our case, the Daddy/Bear-Cub/Boy dynamic is one that is mostly role play in the bedroom. In decisions we are full partners, although we defer to one-another's relative areas of expertise. I call him Bubba and he calls me Pup in public.

The dynamics can be really interesting and change based on the players.

For example:

with DC DEEP-I would be the boy and he and his hubby are the Sirs.

DC DEEP is a daddy and can be his hubby's boy.

His hubby would probably be my hubby's Sir/Daddy.

My Hubby is usually my Daddy Bear (although we flip).

I would be Matthew's Daddy if we dated.

Cube has always talked about submitting to me--WOOOF! (We would have to flip that dynamic from time to time, though).

I have even been in dynamics where there was Daddy --> Boy1 (but boy1 is daddy to -->boy2). So, fromboy2's perspective, there are two daddies. From boy1's perspective he has a daddy and a boy and from the daddy's perspective, there are two boys.

It's all relative.

This is for real?:confused:
 

CUBE

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
May 28, 2005
Posts
8,542
Media
13
Likes
7,674
Points
433
Location
The OC
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
If you say you are going out with some cute girl...no one thinks you mean an actual girl...you mean female right...same idea to some degree. It is not about an actual boy
 

B_Monster

Sexy Member
Joined
Dec 25, 2005
Posts
4,508
Media
0
Likes
45
Points
183
Age
43
Sexuality
100% Straight, 0% Gay
I had a relationship with a 19yo kid once and he loved calling me daddy and im only 27yo, it was hot hearing him call me daddy when i was pounding his hole.
 
  • Like
Reactions: imhorny8

sdbg

Superior Member
Verified
Gold
Joined
Apr 9, 2007
Posts
4,209
Media
35
Likes
2,811
Points
433
Location
San Diego
Verification
View
Sexuality
100% Gay, 0% Straight
Gender
Male
There was no role model, no one to mentor them. The daddies feel that they can not only help the younger men to achieve this but the relationship also helps them to heal their wounds by become the older, guiding, stable man the younger man needs-- in essence being the fathers they never had either. If the daddy and the son respect each other's explicit boundaries, this kind of relationship can be extremely stable as both roles take on the aspects of archetypes that each had previously lacked in their lives.
Wow, Jason. You blew me away.

In 1990, I became friends with a homophobic coworker. He was really funny, but always made deragatory gay comments. I was 39; he was 20. I was way inside the closet. We clicked and were close like he was the little brother I never had. We went to the gym together, ran down the beach together, made dinner together, and partied together. We never had sex, but were very affectionate with each other such as a hug good bye, he would put his arm on my shoulder, etc. I fell for him really hard, but never told him. I didn't want to mess up the friendship. When I visited him years later, he told me he always knew I was gay, had the hots for him, and appreciated that I didn't put the move on him.

Even though young guys look great, I'd like to find someone closer to my own age for a relationship.
 

jason_els

<img border="0" src="/images/badges/gold_member.gi
Joined
Dec 16, 2004
Posts
10,228
Media
0
Likes
162
Points
193
Location
Warwick, NY, USA
Sexuality
90% Gay, 10% Straight
Gender
Male
Wow, Jason. You blew me away.

In 1990, I became friends with a homophobic coworker. He was really funny, but always made derogatory gay comments. I was 39; he was 20. I was way inside the closet. We clicked and were close like he was the little brother I never had. We went to the gym together, ran down the beach together, made dinner together, and partied together. We never had sex, but were very affectionate with each other such as a hug good bye, he would put his arm on my shoulder, etc. I fell for him really hard, but never told him. I didn't want to mess up the friendship. When I visited him years later, he told me he always knew I was gay, had the hots for him, and appreciated that I didn't put the move on him.

Even though young guys look great, I'd like to find someone closer to my own age for a relationship.

Thanks sdbg and HM.

My first daddy/son experience was 46 and I was 41, two months ago. I'm going to blog about it but right now Erato is on vacation and I don't know when she'll get back.
 

DC_DEEP

Sexy Member
Joined
Apr 13, 2005
Posts
8,714
Media
0
Likes
93
Points
183
Sexuality
No Response
I much prefer to use the phrase "Daddy/boy" rather than "Daddy/son." Much less of the "ick factor."

For those of you who are having trouble understanding, it is not really about age, and it's not about having a father-son relationship.

It is about some more ethereal qualities in the relationship dynamics. A "Daddy-type" is more comfortable with the concept of making the boy feel safe and protected. The "boy-type" is more comfortable with the concept of pleasing Daddy.

SpoiledPrincess, have you ever had a man just hold you in his arms with your head against his chest? It's a good feeling, right? That's the concept. I get the impression that your "ick factor" is from nothing more than the terminology.

Lex: Love ya!