Hi people. Not sure if I'm asking for advice or needing a place to download something that's been weighing on me for too long. Grateful for the opportunity either way.
About 10 years ago, at the age of 21, I had some neurosurgey performed in my spine. I came out the other side with (minimal) diminished sensation in my penis, but I have not been able to get a genuine erection since. I can have sex, which is something to be grateful for, but it's not the same. Ultimately though, this is not about functionality as such, but male psyche / ego.
A bit of background. Growing up, I was always shy, very short, very skinny, and very awkward - and consequently, felt insecure about my masculinity. Then, one day, at the age of 19, I lost my virginity to a girl who was known to be VERY experienced. She quickly told everyone that I had a massive penis, the biggest that she'd ever had. Now the massive part is not true - I was only 7.5"-8", and as for the biggest? Well, that's not for me to suggest she was lying, but she told me how many partners she'd had, and if I was the biggest, she's been a bit unlucky (she LOVES them big).
Anyway, I soon became more quietly confident about myself as a man, when, about two years later, the surgery left me unable to get a genuine erection. It gets to about 6.5"-7" long, but its lack of hardness and my inability to maintain even this makeshift erection makes me feel inadequate. I have consequently more or less hid from relationships since then - I'm now 31. I've had the odd fling or not-too-serious relationship, but it has well and truly consumed me, and it's now years since I've been with a woman, and I'm at the point where I can't even consider being with a woman - I'm too damaged psychologically.
I realise there are several other self-esteem related issues present here, and I've done a really good job getting on top of those - but this issue is seemingly insurmountable.
I have spoken with my neurosurgeon and GP, but they haven't seemed too interested. I am seeing my GP again soon to demand a referral to neurologist/urologist - anyone at all who might be able to help.
I understand that I should be grateful that I'm not completely impotent, and that the size I can get is perfectly workable, and that women are far less judgemental than I am being of myself - I just can't seem to get over it though.
If anyone has any advice or heard of any similar stories, I'd be extremely grateful to hear.
Thanks for letting me say my bit.
L
About 10 years ago, at the age of 21, I had some neurosurgey performed in my spine. I came out the other side with (minimal) diminished sensation in my penis, but I have not been able to get a genuine erection since. I can have sex, which is something to be grateful for, but it's not the same. Ultimately though, this is not about functionality as such, but male psyche / ego.
A bit of background. Growing up, I was always shy, very short, very skinny, and very awkward - and consequently, felt insecure about my masculinity. Then, one day, at the age of 19, I lost my virginity to a girl who was known to be VERY experienced. She quickly told everyone that I had a massive penis, the biggest that she'd ever had. Now the massive part is not true - I was only 7.5"-8", and as for the biggest? Well, that's not for me to suggest she was lying, but she told me how many partners she'd had, and if I was the biggest, she's been a bit unlucky (she LOVES them big).
Anyway, I soon became more quietly confident about myself as a man, when, about two years later, the surgery left me unable to get a genuine erection. It gets to about 6.5"-7" long, but its lack of hardness and my inability to maintain even this makeshift erection makes me feel inadequate. I have consequently more or less hid from relationships since then - I'm now 31. I've had the odd fling or not-too-serious relationship, but it has well and truly consumed me, and it's now years since I've been with a woman, and I'm at the point where I can't even consider being with a woman - I'm too damaged psychologically.
I realise there are several other self-esteem related issues present here, and I've done a really good job getting on top of those - but this issue is seemingly insurmountable.
I have spoken with my neurosurgeon and GP, but they haven't seemed too interested. I am seeing my GP again soon to demand a referral to neurologist/urologist - anyone at all who might be able to help.
I understand that I should be grateful that I'm not completely impotent, and that the size I can get is perfectly workable, and that women are far less judgemental than I am being of myself - I just can't seem to get over it though.
If anyone has any advice or heard of any similar stories, I'd be extremely grateful to hear.
Thanks for letting me say my bit.
L
