Damaged by Your First Love

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by LouisVauban, Jun 2, 2007.

  1. LouisVauban

    LouisVauban New Member

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    My first love was my perfect mate.... we worked together for years... from teanage years to adulthood. We were highly competitive, but spent all of our time together. We loved to impress each other and challenge each other. Although we "fooled around" we were too young to know what could have been.

    We each moved on, but all spouses were jealous of the other.

    Sex happened only twice when we wee in our twenties... He loved to dangle the fact that he knew I was in love with him and he could fuck with my head.

    Several times, he would find out I was doing well and offer me a job.... I did it once, but it was a nightmare.

    He was still my first love... and I would have given everything up to be with him... even years later.

    It was as if he wanted more to "win" than to give into an obviously mutual adoration.

    Ironically, he wasn't much to look at and neither was his dick! LOL.

    I don't live in the past and I've cut him off from even trying to part of my life....

    I just thought I'd throw it out there to see if anyone has had similar experiences.

    The whole thing (because it was my first love) truly damaged me, because it's hard for me to believe someone wants me just for me... Am just assuming they will take what they need and "dangle" the rest.
     
  2. snoozan

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    I don't know that mine damaged me... I was damaged goods when I met him, all fucked up in the brain and on the verge of a nervous breakdown. It was one of the most intense periods of my life. I don't know if my feelings for him were so intense because he was just there or because what I felt for him was truly real. I don't think I'll ever really know, but I get the feeling that to some extent or another he'll always haunt me. I don't think things were or are the same for him about me, and that almost broke me at the time.

    It's 10 years, a marriage, a child, and good number of lessons learned later, and he's still in my mind. I don't consider it to be damage, just one of those things that happen if you're on this planet long enough to warrant a few battle scars.
     
  3. LouisVauban

    LouisVauban New Member

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    Thanks for your valuable comments.

    I agree, I'm many years later as well.

    But, every now and then, I wonder....

    But I also look to the future to prove the past is just a memory, not a truth.

    And I know that that relationship helped me to be a more ME.
     
  4. Ethyl

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    When you've been crushed under the foot of the person you love, healing might take longer than you think. Trusting others becomes more difficult because we want to avoid that same kind of pain. That said, you cannot love without trust.

    Only when you truly believe you deserve to be loved will you find love.
     
  5. B_NineInchCock_160IQ

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    I used to think I was irreperably damaged by my first love. Now I like to think of that whole ordeal as a character building exercise, even if it took me many years to finally get over it. That relationship and its aftermath may have changed me forever, but I no longer believe that "damaged" is the correct word to describe this change.
     
  6. B_Think_Kink

    B_Think_Kink New Member

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    I think that I have been damaged by my first love. But I think I am about past the negative effects of it, and have moved on.
     
  7. datdude

    datdude New Member

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    Yes. She damaged me in ways.

    I was innocent and was just a good person. Very pure at the time. She on the other hand could be cold and ruthless. She cheated on me and we broke up. She had some mental issues and Im glad I did not stay with her any longer, but I lost my virginity to her and thought i loved her at the time. It was more of the puupy high school love. Although dateing her made me cold and untrusting of other girls I dated. It caused problems later because I would not let myself become to attached and it ruined some good reationships that could have had a chance. It took a friend who later became my girlfrined, to make me fall in love agian.

    It was funny because it was just like they say. As soon as I got over her and had no feelings for her, she wanted to come back to me. She started to date a friend of mine, I told him not to, that she was a fucked up woman, but he did not listen and she ripped his heart out. She slept with his cousin.
     
  8. LeeEJ

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    Mine's different --

    I was -- and still am -- spoiled. It was a blissfully simple relationship.

    (really, that sums it up; I'm still amazed by how well we got along)

    Here's the scenario:

    She's told me that after our first date, she went back into her apartment, closed the door, and told her roommate, "He's the one."

    We clicked -- we really did. A couple weeks into our relationship, we were hanging out at her place, and her roommate looked at us and said, "How long have you two really known each other, anyway?!?" We looked at each other and realized that it had indeed been only two weeks.

    This went on for a while longer, but then she started to get distant, and she abruptly called it off.

    After another couple months, she came back to talk to me and explain things. She said that she had been "very bi for a number of years"; her roommate at the time was her ex; other things like that. Less than a month after that conversation, she came out to her parents and told them that she was gay.

    That made sense after all. She and her roommate/ex were a couple for four years straight, but she never could stick with one guy for very long. And, ironically, our own fantastic boyfriend-girlfriend relationship made her think very carefully about her own sexuality. She wondered, if I can't commit myself to this guy, then I must not be simply "bi" at all. She told me, "Who am I kidding, I'm gay".

    So, as it turned out, we didn't even break up for the usual reasons. Neither of us cheated on the other, nobody stole any money, nobody got upset about other commitments (a concern of mine since my job takes me away so often) -- none of the typical crap that sours other relationships. We met over six years ago, and we still get together now & then. Shoot, we've even traded Miis across our Nintendo Wii consoles.. lol

    I'm spoiled. She's smart, funny, cute, adaptable, independent, and well-grounded. I don't know if I'll ever find someone like her again.

    When I do, though... ooh, watch out. :wink:
     
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