Dating a large penis

rough_neck_9_1

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Okay first of all we need a little Forum 101; stop posting multiple answers in your own thread. It's a refelction of a needy attention seeker, it also makes you sound insane beacuase you wont stop babbling to yourself.

Anyway let's start off with the short answer, relationships are complicated

Now in long format let's review;You went out with a man and had sex on the first date, he has expressed to you specific trust issues regaurding sexuality on top of body issues concerning his genitalia directly related to his trust issues. As a result you two are having trust and commitment arguments that is a source of conflict in your now relationship. If I'm not correct so it doesn't matter because that's what you've told us.

Now starting with the sex on the first date aspect;

Men like women, are complicated sexually when it comes to our emotions. I know shocking truth right? The biggest truths aren't original. The truth is ketchup. It's Jim Belushi. Its job isn't to blow our minds. It's to be within reach, and the truth is, people by in large get weird with one another when they start putting tube steak's in meat holes and jiggle them around.

Now take that mess and put into a potentially rushed relationship, or at least its a fair point to argue your significant other sounds like he feels he was rushed into sex. A point of friction also worth noting is his trust issues with women and them being sexual predators in his eyes, your quote of "coke whores and his friends", come to mind. As a result he's even questioning you directly about this, "would you still like me...", now you mentioned the small dick angle. I'm here to tell you that wasn't the point, the key phrase is the "would you" part. This is a question about your commitment to his character, a very common question and the source of it sounds like its because you were an easy lay. Regardless of your level of okay with that, he sounds like he didn't like it, it upset him, so we've already found an easy hole in your relationship.

The next item on my agenda come to you;

Remember how I started off this post by saying you sound like a needy attention seeker? I'm bringing that back up but now in context. By posting a ten or so times to yourself within the same couple of hours I'm guessing you've never been one to take the sound of scilence all that well. This while not directly related to the sex with a big penis part of these forums, it does play into your problems in your relationships. Again going back to your others mistrust with women, I'm guessing being a bit needy doesn't help him out feeling better about jumping into a relationship with you. He already sounds like he feels mistrusting with you and throwing your own flaws and insecurites into the mix doesn't sound like it will help all that much. So the point to this is, you might want to start looking internally for some of the things you could be doing better just as a person.

Lastly, don't bring this to the internet;

I know what this site is called and where you took your question to sounds appropriate, the point is that doesn't matter it was the wrong place. Your significant other was the onyl person you should be talking to about this unless you both agree to seek counsel elsewhere. This isn't rocket science, again its the truth, ketchup anologies and ripping off communty, people feel alienated when you don't bring up the problems concerning them to them. Furthermore hiding it seems like the wrong way to go about this kind of stuff given it inevitably comes back up and then its no longer about whatever bullshit subject the friction was about, its now about the lie.

So I hope that all helps, cheers with the donkey dick and good luck.
 

petite

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Wait, now there's something wrong with answering people who responded to your own OP? I've never thought that people who did that sounded like they were talking to themselves. She clearly quoted who she's talking to and she responded to each individual. I suppose that she is only supposed to create the thread then disappear forever so that we never know if she read anything anyone wrote or had any more information to provide or anything else to say?

My Forum 101 rules are totally different.
 
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simbablk

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I don't know what advice to give you. I think his low opinion of you is the real problem. If he believed that you weren't so shallow then he wouldn't be worrying if you have stayed with him for seven months just because of his dick.

I'd ask him why he doesn't think more highly of you.

Soooo, I've been here before and I can honestly say that yes, this does happen. And, having been here before, I can honestly say it sucks to find out later that the primary reason a woman stuck around (at least in the beginning) was because I had a big cock. So it had a huge impact on dating after her because I wanted to make sure I didn't repeat that. She pressed REALLY hard to settle me down (we were just dating - not seriously) - which I did because I truly liked her. But had I known then that she was primarily pressing the issue because I had a big cock - I would have NEVER dated her!


So yes, men can believe a woman is that shallow, especially if he's been burned before.


Simba
 

petite

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What do you think her comment above says about her attitudes, Petite?

I'm withholding that opinion, to be frank, Drifter.

Regardless, rough_neck specifically criticized responding to anyone who posts in your thread, which is really common and it's even polite to do when people have taken the time to respond.

She pressed REALLY hard to settle me down (we were just dating - not seriously) - which I did because I truly liked her.

If she was only interested in you because of your penis, then why would she want to settle down with you? That doesn't make any sense to me. To me the answer is in that statement. Since she wanted to settle down with you, clearly she valued you for more than just your penis.
 
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simbablk

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I know but I love him, and it is insulting but when we talk seriously about it he tells me he just has a really hard time trusting women and he never has been able to and please try to understand that. He seems to realize it is kind of insulting but is still plagued by this fear, you know...

It goes away, but then when we're falling asleep or something he'll just mention it or say something about it.

From what he has told me he hasn't had a lot (really any) serious relationships with girls or women and he is fairly sex-negative in general... his friends hook up with a lot of coke whores and stuff and he has watched it all and formed a really negative view of women.

So, I think it is a big deal that we can even be together in the first place and that he loves me. But, I was hoping some guy could tell me a good way to help him relax a little bit or improve his trust in me/womankind.

Cuz he is def a sweetie even if he is a jaded, sometimes insulting one. :wink:

If you truly like/love him - them just give him time. Show him you love him. I can't tell you how to do that because it's different with every guy. But you're getting to know him - find out what love looks like for him then give him THAT love.


But honestly, go back and read some of your posts and see how you talk about his cock rather than "him". Even your title suggests you're talking about "him" - which is rather confusing because the body of the text suggests otherwise. But when you say things like "...just enjoy all that big dock sex..." - THAT is what he's afraid of. That right there. Instead of just sex, you placed emphasis on the big dick part. That's what I have issue with and I'm guessing it's what he's trying to avoid.


Simba
 

Fsjal

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Don't let people give you a hard time about your phrasing or replying or such, you clearly seem well-intentioned. Penis forums just have the highest standards on the Internet, you see =P

Obviously there is a bit of... emotional baggage attached to this fellow with his trust issues. However, the best way to conquer those is merely to earn his trust! If you really like the guy and wanna stay with him, it should become evident to him in a matter of time that you like him as a person. Well, I'd certainly hope anyway =)
 

simbablk

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If she was only interested in you because of your penis, then why would she want to settle down with you? That doesn't make any sense to me. To me the answer is in that statement. Since she wanted to settle down with you, clearly she valued you for more than just your penis.

But it's not clearly. Later, in couples counseling she admitted to this very fact - that she pursued me wholly based on me having a large penis - and that the sex was good. Period. We were friends before so we had lots in common and talked and all that crap already. It wasn't until one night we had sex that it all changed - and that's the point I'm making. It's not always clear to discern between genuine liking or infatuation of big penis. Not always. And IF it ever happened to a guy, he's gonna be skeptical of the women he encounters after her.


Simba
 

petite

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But it's not clearly. Later, in couples counseling she admitted to this very fact - that she pursued me wholly based on me having a large penis - and that the sex was good. Period. We were friends before so we had lots in common and talked and all that crap already. It wasn't until one night we had sex that it all changed - and that's the point I'm making. It's not always clear to discern between genuine liking or infatuation of big penis. Not always. And IF it ever happened to a guy, he's gonna be skeptical of the women he encounters after her.


Simba

If that's the way you see it, then that's the way you see it. It's your reality. I wouldn't have interpreted it that way, but it doesn't matter what I think. It's your past and you'll see it the way you want to see it.
 

auncut10in

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Maybe this will help explain the situation. While I am gay, I think the same thought process is the same.

I find there are two kinds of guys that I connect with. Some guys simply want to have sex with me because I have a big dick. I can tell by how they react when we get together or even how we got together. Or comments they make when we are having sex. When they say things like "I have never had such a big dick or I have never felt like this before, then I put them in a classification of being just fuck buddies. Maybe it is a one time thing. Maybe it goes on for a number of times. We both know that the relationship is not serious and will fade eventually when either they or I find someone that wants more than just sex.

The second kind of guy could care less about the size of my dick. They often don't even mention it. The connection is a much stronger emotional connection and the sex enhances that emotional connection. It doesn't define it.

Maybe some more information on what that first sexual experioence with your bf would be helpful. Did you get way excited when seeing his dick? Did you say things like "I am so glad you have a big dick because I really want to be with someone that is not small? How much you went on about the size of his cock the first time you had sex with him may have set this situation into motion.

He may be trying to figure out if you are just a fuck buddy or if you are emotionally connected to him. Clearly he only wants the latter and is afraid of letting his emotions for you grow if he thinks you are just a fuck buddy.

My recommendation to you is to never make a comment about his size to him again or for at least a very long time. I would also not tell him that sex with him was amazing and made you have multiple organisms etc. Never tell him sex with him is like live porn. These kinds of comments are not helping your relationship with him. The only thing I would tell him is when you have sex with him you feel so close to him and it makes you want to know him better.

Damn, now I feel like Dear Abby. Next letter please/ lol
 

simbablk

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If that's the way you see it, then that's the way you see it. It's your reality. I wouldn't have interpreted it that way, but it doesn't matter what I think. It's your past and you'll see it the way you want to see it.

Then, out of curiosity, how would you interpret that? Based on what I explained earlier about counseling?


Simba
 

petite

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Then, out of curiosity, how would you interpret that? Based on what I explained earlier about counseling?


Simba

So you're discounting all the friendship aspects of your relationship because you were already friends? Considering you relationship material after discovering that you have hot sex together doesn't mean that it's "only" because of your penis. I hear what you're saying, but it seems like you're interpreting what she said too harshly to me. That doesn't mean that after she started to take you seriously as relationship material that she was like, "Oh, well he's got nothing going for him except for his penis, but I think I'll keep him anyway." It's you who decided to pick out the most unflattering interpretation and then chose to feel victimized by it. A woman loved you and wanted to settle down with you. I guarantee that more went into consideration than just whether or not your penis was big enough. It sounds like you could look at it a lot more romantically but instead you choose to view it cynically. You were friends, then started having sex and it was obviously passionate and good, then she was interested in a relationship with you because that's a real foundation right there and eventually wanted to settle down together. That sounds nice to me and it even sounds romantic that her feelings for you turned like that from friendship to love and that she began to see you differently.

I'm assuming the love part. Do you think she loved you? If you believed that she loved you, then you don't really believe that she was with you just because of your penis.
 

simbablk

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So you're discounting all the friendship aspects of your relationship because you were already friends? Considering you relationship material after discovering that you have hot sex together doesn't mean that it's "only" because of your penis. I hear what you're saying, but it seems like you're interpreting what she said too harshly to me. That doesn't mean that after she started to take you seriously as relationship material that she was like, "Oh, well he's got nothing going for him except for his penis, but I think I'll keep him anyway." It's you who decided to pick out the most unflattering interpretation and then chose to feel victimized by it. A woman loved you and wanted to settle down with you. I guarantee that more went into consideration than just whether or not your penis was big enough. It sounds like you could look at it a lot more romantically but instead you choose to view it cynically. You were friends, then started having sex and it was obviously passionate and good, then she was interested in a relationship with you because that's a real foundation right there and eventually wanted to settle down together. That sounds nice to me and it even sounds romantic that her feelings for you turned like that from friendship to love and that she began to see you differently.

I'm assuming the love part. Do you think she loved you? If you believed that she loved you, then you don't really believe that she was with you just because of your penis.

I'm not picking out the most unflattering interpretation - I'm repeating what she said - to me - verbatim.

I hope she loved me. She said she did so I take her at her word. But I wouldn't be saying she only wanted me for my penis if she never said it. And after seeing how the relationship evolved and how things really weren't as stable and strong in the beginning as one would've hoped, it's hard to believe if the relationship was really "real". No, I don't negate the friendship part - we had tons of fun together. It wasn't until after the sex that things changes. The old adage: hindsight is 20/20 - this is very true for me. Reflecting on the relationship and replaying certain events and times is often scary, but very eye-opening. Too bad my eyes weren't open back then.

But like you said, we interpret things differently. I lived it, so my interpretation is going to be vastly different from yours. But I appreciate your interpretation of the events and for sharing it with me. Call me cynical, but she said it.

She told me she loved me. I believed her. Why wouldn't I believe her if she told me she only wanted me because I had a big penis? I guess that's my fatal flaw, I take people at their word.

Simba
 

petite

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I'm not picking out the most unflattering interpretation - I'm repeating what she said - to me - verbatim.

I hope she loved me. She said she did so I take her at her word. But I wouldn't be saying she only wanted me for my penis if she never said it.

Actually, before you said this:

Later, in couples counseling she admitted to this very fact - that she pursued me wholly based on me having a large penis - and that the sex was good. Period.

That isn't the same thing as only wanting you for your penis. What you just wrote about being friends then having sex one night and the sex being good and her wanting more and then a relationship developing out of that, well, that's how a lot of relationships actually develop. It's normal.

There's a big difference between her saying she only wanted you for your penis and saying that she initially pursued you because the sex was good. One is a statement of overall value, that your penis is the only thing of value to her, the other one is a statement of motivation during some time in the past, that at a certain point in the past she kept sleeping with you because the sex was good, yet you keep referring to these two things interchangeably even though they're totally different. I clearly don't really know what happened. I'm just saying that you seem to want that to be the whole story, nothing more to see here, please move along, when it doesn't even make sense to say that you believe she loved you AND you think she only was with you because of your penis. Those are contradictory beliefs.

It doesn't really matter any more since the two of you aren't together any more and I'm not really surprised by that since she wanted to settle down and you can't let go of this "she only wanted me because of my penis so she didn't love me" thing, even though you also admit that you think that she loved you because she said so. I am more than a little bit confused, but like I said before, this is your life, your reality, your beliefs. They don't affect me. I'm just an outside observer.

Incidentally, I sure am glad TheBF didn't put me through all this. We had incredible sex on our first date, and then just kept going, and we're still together and happy. I love him. Period. I recently had his baby. We're talking about more babies. But when we met I just wanted to have sex with him and enjoy his company and I had no plans for a future together. Imagine that. In fact, I was actively trying not to imagine a future together because I wanted to enjoy my time with him and if nothing happened between us, I didn't want to be disappointed. Trying to imagine either of us bringing up those memories, which I cherish because they were wild and passionate and fun and romantic, and use them as a reason to doubt whether we should be together just doesn't make sense to me at all.
 
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simbablk

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Actually, before you said this:



That isn't the same thing as only wanting you for your penis. What you just wrote about being friends then having sex one night and the sex being good and her wanting more and then a relationship developing out of that, well, that's how a lot of relationships actually develop. It's normal.

There's a big difference between her saying she only wanted you for your penis and saying that she initially pursued you because the sex was good. One is a statement of overall value, that your penis is the only thing of value to her, the other one is a statement of motivation during some time in the past, that at a certain point in the past she kept sleeping with you because the sex was good, yet you keep referring to these two things interchangeably even though they're totally different. I clearly don't really know what happened. I'm just saying that you seem to want that to be the whole story, nothing more to see here, please move along, when it doesn't even make sense to say that you believe she loved you AND you think she only was with you because of your penis. Those are contradictory beliefs.

It doesn't really matter any more since the two of you aren't together any more and I'm not really surprised by that since she wanted to settle down and you can't let go of this "she only wanted me because of my penis so she didn't love me" thing, even though you also admit that you think that she loved you because she said so. I am more than a little bit confused, but like I said before, this is your life, your reality, your beliefs. They don't affect me. I'm just an outside observer.

I never said she didn't love me. I said I believed her when she said it, and I wanted to believe that and at the time I did. Yes, they are contradictory beliefs, but two different beliefs that were revealed at separate times. I believed she loved me all the way to the end of our relationship when we were in couples counseling when she said what she said. So yes, she said she loved me in the beginning AND she said she pursued the relationship because of my big penis in the end. Those were two very distinct times in our relationship. Maybe that clears up the confusion.

I'm happy you have a great relationship with your man. Sounds awesome. But it also seems as though you're pointing something out to me which I don't quite understand your point. So to clarify, I know a real relationship is possible - I had one and it wasn't based on my penis. I know it was based on love, adoration, admiration, affection, and the joy we have with one another. It didn't work out for many reasons but there was love there. So I know there are women who don't do this. But, as I've stated before, and to respond to the OP's questions, it is possible that this exists for him. Arguing the point that my ex somehow did not pursue me for my assets when she admitted to it is....well....

Simba
 

petite

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Arguing the point that my ex somehow did not pursue me for my assets when she admitted to it is....well....

Simba

The part in bold isn't true. I did not say that. Please don't do that. That's not what I wrote. You're being misleading about what I've said, which is ironic because it's what I think you're also doing about what your ex said. I suspect that you're taking liberties with the semantics because you wanted to make a point, just like you just did with me, even if it meant bending the truth to do it, just like you did with me.

Sorry, about the not loving you part. If a person is only with you for your penis, by definition I believe that means that she doesn't love you, so that's where the confusion came from. It's that contradiction where you insist that she was only with you because of your penis, even though she also loved you, which would seem like the logical reason why she was with you.

I didn't say this before, but I don't really believe the OP's story. Call me a cynic, but I think it's hokum.

If it is real, he sounds like a total drama queen to me. I would have left him for thinking I was that shallow. My response would pretty much be, "Oh, you think I'm just with you because of your penis because we slept together on the first date, and even though we've been together this long and I've told you how I feel about you, you still don't believe me. Well then... I don't think we should see each other any more." Then I would go out with someone who treated me better and wasn't so hung up on how he was hung.
 
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But honestly, go back and read some of your posts and see how you talk about his cock rather than "him". Even your title suggests you're talking about "him" - which is rather confusing because the body of the text suggests otherwise. But when you say things like "...just enjoy all that big dock sex..." - THAT is what he's afraid of. That right there. Instead of just sex, you placed emphasis on the big dick part. That's what I have issue with and I'm guessing it's what he's trying to avoid.

Clearly what none of you are understanding is that I came here for advice related to LP ... not related to dating in general.
I didn't think I needed to spill the beans to you guys about how much I love his personality --- If I did not care, why would I post in the first place....????

Seriously... you guys are being pretty judgmental IMO. I was just trying to word it as casually as possible because the problem is clearly about the LP................... goodness gracious! Now I see why I am having so much trouble with this boy. You guys are all hyper defensive!
 
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Maybe some more information on what that first sexual experioence with your bf would be helpful. Did you get way excited when seeing his dick? Did you say things like "I am so glad you have a big dick because I really want to be with someone that is not small? How much you went on about the size of his cock the first time you had sex with him may have set this situation into motion.

Nope, I never said anything about it in the beginning or during most of our relationship. The only time it came up was when he asked ME if I was only dating him for his big cock.
During the first hookup it was just really romantic, the sex was great, but it was silent ---the first couple times we hooked up maybe the first month it was just really gentle, romantic sex and we both came at the same time.

Then one day we filmed sex on the phone camera and two weeks later I went on vacation to Vegas, and when I got back things started up with the worries ...

**Ohhhhhh I should revise by noting that we did have anal the first date --- I think that probably uhhhh didn't help this whole situation. Whoops....

Neway, I had been hooking up with someone who was much bigger than current bf and so I was totally casual about the whole thing. I guess too casual, who knows, like I said you guys all seem super ready to jump on any girl who uses a word or a phrase that rubs you wrong.
 
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laffitte

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A large penis complicates things when it comes to sex. He should be pleased that you like it and will have sex with him. Unfortunately in my experience many women like to admire, talk about and even worship a large penis but would not want to be penetrated by it and certainly not a a regular basis.

An older and wiser woman partner once looked down at my penis after sex and said "No woman would want that (my penis) every night, you know".

Don't think about too much just get as much of it as you can.