Dating advice

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by FLScott72, Nov 17, 2007.

  1. FLScott72

    FLScott72 Well-Known Member

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    After months of trying, I thought I got my big break in life and started going out with a beautiful, sweet, young lady that I knew from my job and also the neighborhood we both live in. She's the best. We get along great, have a lot in common and have a lot of chemistry together. We've been going out for five weeks now, and other than making out, she's reluctant to go to the next level. I think I'm in love with her, but so far there's been no advancement or anything close to nudity in our relationship. If I try, she finds a way to back away and delay it. I know she's interested in me because she always calls me or texts me, often with sweet, romantic gestures. I've tried my best, and then some to move forward. What should I do?
     
  2. B_Italian1

    B_Italian1 New Member

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    Five weeks is not a long time in the grand scheme of things. She's obviously not the hookup type, or at least not with you, so maybe she's just waiting to see where her feelings stand before moving to the next level. Be patient. She'll let you know when she's ready.
     
  3. FLScott72

    FLScott72 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks, I-978! I'll wait and see what happens, but it seems like it's taking forever.
     
  4. Jeffin90620

    Jeffin90620 New Member

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    Seeing as how she makes "romantic" gestures, I think she is withholding sex until marriage because she sees it as a prize, a reward and quite possibly a duty (but only after marriage).

    From my observation of other marriages where the women acted like her, she will have a lot of sex with you for a short period after marriage, but then reduce it to only special occasions, such as your anniversary, your birthday (but not her birthday) and possibly New Year's.

    My opinion is this... with the exception of blood relatives (and possibly the exBFs of her girlfriends), it is impossible for a woman to truly love a man and not want to have sex with him. So... I believe she sees you as marriage material, but nothing more. She has probably never had an orgasm in her life; you should not expect her to have one just because she's with you.

    It is possible that she has resisted out of fear, but you would be able to gauge this by observing how adventurous she is about other things that have nothing to do with sex. Is she eager to anything new that is physical (trying a new restaurant doesn't really count because women love it when men buy them food, but being afraid to try one does).

    On the possibility that her reticence is solely based on fear, be upfront and tell her that, because she has declined to make a commitment to you, you still want to be friends, but you are going to start dating other women. She will do one of three things: 1) get angry, 2) respond that you are the one who has not made a commitment by offering marriage (probably 1 & 2 together), or 3) initiate sex.

    If only #1, then the relationship is over (which could be a problem as you are co-workers).

    If #2, see above for how marriage will probably turn out for you.

    If #3, be sure to make her come several times before you finish (hint, many women can only come from oral sex, so don't stint on it).
     
  5. FLScott72

    FLScott72 Well-Known Member

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    Jeffin90620...thanks for all those comments. You should be a professional dating counselor...thanks for the help. Women are soooo tough to figure.
     
  6. B_Italian1

    B_Italian1 New Member

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    Five weeks is not a long time for some women. Romantic gestures are one thing, sex is another. You don't know for sure if she is the type to wait until marriage.

    That's true is some cases, and sometimes the guy is a lousy lover.

    It's possible she doesn't love him yet.


    You're assuming she's never had an orgasm. Many women can have orgasms from masturbation.
     
  7. hotmommy4u

    hotmommy4u New Member

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    Patience always wins the day.
     
  8. B_New End

    B_New End New Member

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    danger!! danger!!
     
  9. allmale

    allmale Member

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    I totally agree with Italian but would add one more thing. What is her religious background? 5 weeks is really not that long of a time "in the grand scheme of things." I'd give it 2 months or so, and if shes "not interested" by then, you need to have a heart to heart talk with her then make a decision.
    Also you mention you met her in a work environment, there could be huge ramifications from this.
     
  10. B_DEATHbyCARROT

    B_DEATHbyCARROT New Member

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    Wow a lot of assumptions based only on the fact that she likes a guy and isn't ripping off his pants... She may not be into sex right away because she sees potential in him for more, where as she might have done it right away with someone she was merely physically attracted to and othing else. If you like her I would just hang tight and maybe keep sleeping with an old friend or something until you have a commitment with this one.

    I personally would not get into a relationship with a woman until I knew I liked having sex with her but that's a descision you will make for yourself...

    Just be patient and don't assign reasons for her actions (or lack thereof) without her input.
     
  11. FLScott72

    FLScott72 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks for all your input, I really appreciate your help. The job aspect should not be a factor because she does not work at my company anymore and only did so briefly anyway. I'm more confused because I know her sister & best friend and they tell me she likes me a lot and that kind of stuff. Oh, gosh...women!
     
  12. Jovial

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    I'm not sure what you mean exactly when you say she is "reluctant to go to the next level." Also, you said you have made out. Please be more specific. Have you kissed her neck? touched her breasts (through shirt)?

    Maybe she is not sure what to expect and is waiting for you to take things to the next level. Or did she verbally say she didn't want to go further? It's true that some women never had an orgasm, so they don't really have an incentive to want to go further because they don't realize how good it can feel.

    ...and if her friends and sister are telling you she likes you, then maybe they are encouraging you to take it to the next level. I'm saying maybe she thinks you are not ready to take it to the next level based on your actions.
     
  13. FLScott72

    FLScott72 Well-Known Member

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    We've made out, & kissed. (french kissed too) I've touched her breasts through her shirt and gently rubbed her crotch area thru her pants. At one point, she put her hand on my crotch which obviously had an erection inside, said something like "wow, that big boy wants to come out and play." She then found some sort of distrasction, which was nonsense, and it killed the moment. Maybe she's a big tease and I should move on. You guys are the best for helping, but maybe it's no use.
     
  14. Not_Punny

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    Well, sorry to be harsh, but there's another possibility: that you are acting like a "wus"

    1. Combination of "wimp" and "pussy"
    2. A person afraid to act, or not up to the task because of fear
    3. A weak and ineffectual person.

    You sound like you're acting awfully wimpy to me.

    Her fantasy might be all about men TAKING her, you know, who won't let a little distraction get in the way.

    After five weeks if that's all you've done, and if you ALLOW distractions to get in the way -- wow, ain't no way you'd be man enough for me.
     
  15. Jovial

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    It may be best to just discuss with her what she wants to do. It may seem difficult and unromantic, but it may help you both understand what each other is thinking. Just say what you are feeling. Tell her how you like her and you've been seeing each other and want to go a little further.

    On the other hand, I don't know how I could make out with a girl without putting my hands up her shirt onto her skin after a little while. It's funny, maybe she is expecting you to take charge and when you hesitate she feels awkward.

    ...and I agree with hotmilf, but didn't want to be harsh.
     
  16. FLScott72

    FLScott72 Well-Known Member

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    Maybe I'm a "wimp or a pussy", but I've tried verbally and physically to get her to the next level. If she backs away from me, what should I do? I'm not going to rape her. It's her choice. LOL...maybe she saw my gallery here and thinks I'm a pervert. NO, I just post the pics for fun and laughs and she's not really a computer person anyway.
     
  17. sdjdguy

    sdjdguy Member

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    It sounds like you're uncomfortable discussing this with her, thus you have been asking the opinion of total strangers (nothing wrong with that). If you don't want to talk to her about it, why not show her in some way what you want? The next time you are making out, unbutton your pants and say something like, "Wow, look what you're doing to me, mind if I get a little more comfortable?" Or maybe buy her some lingerie and put in a note or card asking her to please model it for you. I agree with those who say the direct approach is best, but if you dont 't want to try that, do something indirect like these ideas. If her friends say she likes you, and you've been dating for five weeks, try harder for an answer. In my experience, simply talking out a problem is usually the best solution. Just ask her why she backs away.
     
  18. Jeffin90620

    Jeffin90620 New Member

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    A Cosmo poll stated that a third of unmarried women between 18 & 42 have a one night stand every month (5% every week). Even so, I did not expect every woman I met to have sex with me on the first date.

    Most people (men and women alike) expect an American woman to have sex on the third date, if she is going to at all.

    Five weeks is a very long time for most Americans; the odds that women who wait that long will wait for marriage are in my favor, I would wager.

    What women 'can' do and what they 'actually' do are two different things. I have read magazine articles by women who help other women have orgasms (teaching them how to masturbate, for the most part). Most of these women can have orgasms, but have not had orgasms.

    And there are many, many women who have never had an orgasm. A co-worker said that she and her mother liked sex, but her two sisters had never had an orgasm in their lives (the co-worker was mid-40s at the time, so I am assuming the sisters had been adults for at least a couple decades).

    So, yes... I am assuming she has never had an orgasm, because the odds are that she has not.
     
  19. Jeffin90620

    Jeffin90620 New Member

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    You are not a "wimp" or a "pussy" for respecting her boundaries.

    As a side note, I had a couple makeout sessions with a woman which never went beyond (or even dwelled on) fondling her (covered) breasts. Believing it would never go anywhere, I respected her boundaries, backed off and pursued other options. We would see each other from time to time and she seemed interested, but we never had sex... until she demanded it when we saw each other at a New Year's Eve party.

    It was mediocre.


    I took a look at your pictures and, if she had seen your gallery, she might be frightened of the prospect. A lot of women are not comfortable with a penis that is significantly larger than average. Yours seems to be a little longer than mine and I have encountered women who were nervous about accommodating me.
     
  20. Principessa

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    Please ignore jeffin90620's advice as it comes from a man who is obviously bitter, jaded, and rather antiquated in his thought processes.:rolleyes::confused:

    At this point there is really only one logical thing to do. TALK TO HER! Ask her how she feels about taking your relationship to the next level physically.

     
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