My ex left me for another guy about a year ago. Right after I took her on a romantic vacation to Europe, she started school 40 minutes away from the town where we were living. She was living at her parents nearby (but staying at my place almost everynight) but decided she had to move on campus to be closer to school since the program of study was going to be really tough.
After I helped her move her stuff in, she threw a housewarming party where she invited everybody from her small Ph.D program. Nobody showed up except this one guy who spent the whole evening flirting with her right in front of me. It really upset me but I didn't want to come off as the jealous type and I thought I was reading into things too much since she loved me. I'd previously met him and gotten a vibe that he liked her but made no comments about it because I didn't want to be one of those possessive guys that gets mad when their girlfriend has male friends. It was the most horrible thing to read "I'm going to sleep with your girlfriend" in his eyes because I loved her so much and knew he wouldn't stay with her.
In the meantime, we had been having sexual problems. At the beginning of the relationship, I could make her come but she was on a lot of different medications and had changed birth control. Now, she was telling me I was too big for her and she let me know for the first time that sex had been painful for a while.
She also decided she didn't like my kissing. It felt awful to know that I was hurting her each time we made love. We tried tons of different lubricants and condoms, different sex acts, and multiple positions. I suggested she see a doctor-- From googling, it sounded like she could have vaginismus and a reaction to taking so many antidepressant medications. Instead, she talked to her friends and they determined that we were just sexually incompatible.
She grew cold towards me and left me saying that she wasn't going to date him but that she hadn't cheated (which I don't really buy since they went to the movies and hung out together before she left me). I was dumb and wanted to be friends with her but we never talked much after that and soon the facebook pictures of them went up. He was always making stupid faces in the photos and it really bothered me, but hey- I was the one stupid enough to look at them. I pride myself on my personal hygiene and found him to be lacking in that department. All along I'd been planning to move abroad and decided to leave ASAP since I had nothing left for me where I was-- no friends- just her and my job. I had agreed to put off the move until she finished school because I was naive and thought we were in love.
I waited six months for my immigrant visa to come in and right after I received it, she came back into my life. I had worked on myself a bit-- I was feeling a bit more confident, I worked out at the gym a litte, I worked hard at work to try to forget her. I had done pretty well, but then, he left her and she wanted to spend time with me again. Suddenly, we had things to talk about and everything was fine.
We hung out as friends and we went on dates and kissed. I fell back in love with her but told her if the relationship were to continue she would have to follow me to the new country. She told me she wasn't sure if she loved me. She spent the night and we slept together right before I left and she said it was really good sex and didn't hurt.
I got on a plane and arrived in a beautiful city where I had a better job and good friends waiting for me. She called me every night on the phone and wrote letters. Suddenly, she was sure she'd made a big mistake and that she loved me. She came to visit me in the new city even though I'd warned her that I had just started a new job and couldn't take off work. She stayed at home mostly, sleeping all day, depressed.
No matter what we tried, sex was painful for her. We worked on my kissing but she was mean about it and basically said I was beyond help. She just wasn't into me. She told me the other guy had a much better body and she wasn't turned on by mine. It wasn't any consulation to know that I was her biggest despite that she had a lot more experience than me. I loved her and just wanted to be able to please her. In the end, she determined that I'm handsome but not sexually attractive to her. She was upset that she didn't orgasm while she was here and ended up breaking up with me on the webcam about a week later (around 4.5 months ago). I'm 26 years old and she was my second serious girlfriend, my second sex partner. She criticized every aspect of my sexual abilites to the point where my confidence has been completely demolished. She told me it wasn't possible for me to get any better-- otherwise, she would've stayed with me. I'm a naturally introverted person and
I'm worried about dating again since I don't have a lot of experience. I worry that the next girl will think I'm a bad lover, too. I don't know what to do to make sex not hurt for girls. :frown1:
People are exes for a reason. I've cut off all contact with this girl and the nightmares have mostly subsided. I'm still trying to handle the rest of the damage.
