Dating an unemployed guy

Discussion in 'Women's Issues' started by B_doogie888, Mar 1, 2011.

  1. B_doogie888

    B_doogie888 New Member

    Joined:
    May 3, 2007
    Messages:
    274
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    So I've had a girlfriend now for 3 months. I'm young (23) and recently graduated college, but don't have a job. I have been actively trying to get one, and in the mean time doing temporary work that pays hourly (I will consider myself unemployed until I get a job with benefits). Ladies, how long until you would get sick of this? I'm a good guy, treat my girlfriend very well, but somehow I feel like I am being judged by her and her friends for not having a real full time job, and I can't say I blame them. Does it make it more tolerable because I am so young? Or because the economy is so god awful? Would love to hear thoughts!
     
  2. Stunna

    Stunna New Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2010
    Messages:
    5
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Same here recent college graduate and still cant find a job feel pathetic, spent all this time and money on getting degrees and all I can find at the moment is a part time job to simply pay off the interest of my student loans. Luckily my gf understands its a rough economy and has been nothing but supportive but I feel the same how long will this last? Its shitty because a degree doesn't really mean shit anymore you need work experience on top of an education and now more and more jobs are recommending a masters.
     
  3. JG6

    JG6 New Member

    Joined:
    May 6, 2007
    Messages:
    29
    Likes Received:
    0
    The girl I'm seeing is pulling that card too. Don't get sucked into that trap! Do your thing and don't worry about her. If she baits you, just firmly say you're doing your best - and end the conversation. If she stays on your ass about it, she can move on. Don't let her think she has power over you - YOU have power over YOU. If she likes you and she likes it in the bedroom, she's not going anywhere.
     
  4. The Dragon

    The Dragon New Member

    Joined:
    Sep 11, 2007
    Messages:
    6,278
    Likes Received:
    6
    In your case you are out there busting a gut trying to find work and you treat your girl friend well.
    This is a fantastic thing.
    I also think you discomfort at not having full time employment will be to goad to drive you to succeed in getting work.

    On the other hand...
    If you were parked on the couch playing wii and not bathing and wearing the same set of sweats until they could climb off your back and walk to the laundry themselves ..you'd be out the door so fast your feet wouldn't touch the floor.
     
  5. B_subgirrl

    B_subgirrl New Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2010
    Messages:
    9,873
    Likes Received:
    11
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    NSW, Australia
    My view is pretty much the same as Dragon's.

    If he was trying as hard as he could, I'd be 100% supportive. If he wasn't really trying, or if he was turning down (or not applying for) jobs because he thought he was too good for that position or place of work, I'd be dumping him quick smart.
     
  6. MidwestGal

    MidwestGal Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2006
    Messages:
    952
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    USA
    maybe for the younger crowd it's okay. But with experience from an ex who wouldn't work and seemed to purposely get fired, I could never do it. I was the breadwinner in the house just working part-time and picking up extra shifts until I got on disability. The husband is long gone.

    My advice even if you are a recent grad you might not get a job in your field, take about any job you can get at least to get work credits should you become unemployed or laid off. Even take a "lower" job in the same industry as your training if possible and they will likely move you up in the company should a spot open up.
     
  7. HiddenLacey

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Apr 28, 2010
    Messages:
    5,470
    Albums:
    1
    Likes Received:
    249
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    somewhere
    This...
     
  8. Incocknito

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2009
    Messages:
    2,567
    Likes Received:
    4
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    La monde
    A lot of people (in the UK at least, not sure about the US situation) are finding that they are unable to get jobs related to their degrees.

    Some degrees in the UK are called 'Mickey Mouse' subjects, that don't seem to count for very much at all.

    But for most people the fact that you have a degree/qualification shows your interest in the subject and your willingness and determination to succeed. These traits may help you find a job but it probably won't be in the field related to your degree.

    I think the other thing also is to apply for jobs that you may not meet all the requirements for eg the ones asking for a Masters, or x amount of experience or knowledge of a particular area. You might get lucky and get the job based on your own merits and the qualifications that you do have.
     
  9. D_Count_Dickula

    D_Count_Dickula New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    0
    Hey guys, these posts make me sad. That is, to hear that you are feeling bad for yourself or lack self-esteem because you have no job. But lots of people have no job in the US. The average unemployment rate isnt the 10% your gov tells you. Rather it is 17-20% considering reasonable statistic circumstances.

    I guess, the US has to learn to define themselves over other things than just jobs and money. I grew up in Germany in a region that had 25% unemployment during the 90s. There were lots of nice people that were unemployed, but still these were good and decent, and dateable individuals.

    After all, how can it be your fault if the economy is wrong. If anyone judges you about this, you may have the wrong friends or you are trying to be liked by some very selfish people...
     
  10. IntoxicatingToxin

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2006
    Messages:
    10,133
    Likes Received:
    152
    My boyfriend hasn't worked in 14 months... We've been together 17 months. Lol. He was attending school for part of that unemployment period, and he is actively seeking work now. I don't particularly care. The economy sucks, I get that. I love him to death and am just happy to have him in my life. He has enough money saved up to pay his own bills, and that's fine. I'll "put up with it" for a while. If he stops looking for work or gets lazy or whatever, that's when I'll get annoyed. As long as he keeps looking, the only thing I'll be annoyed about is the economy!
     
  11. EllieP

    Staff Member Moderator Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2009
    Messages:
    7,853
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    3,740
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Florida
    By your definition my husband hasn't worked since before I met him. As a musician he has no benefits, get's paid by the job and is one of the hardest working people I know. OK, the no job thing is a stretch, but still, there's more to a job than a 9 to 5.

    It sounds like you're reading more into your girlfriend than what's really there. I know that my friends all said "You're dating a musician???" as if incredulous that I would be with someone with no visible means of support.

    I wasn't dating his job, but I did marry it. His job doesn't define who he is. He defines his job.

    Keep working hard and you'll show them.
     
  12. D_Hairy Truman

    D_Hairy Truman New Member

    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2010
    Messages:
    182
    Likes Received:
    0
    i'm not in the unemployment situation and i don't have a girlfriend. just be glad that you have her in your life if she is understanding.
     
  13. B_crackoff

    B_crackoff New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2010
    Messages:
    1,742
    Likes Received:
    0
    doogie888

    It's their problem not yours. Unfortunately, stereotypes exist in all our conciousness, & a man who doesn't work full time is often seen as a loser by himself, & those around him, mainly because he's not conforming.

    You may also feel a weight of responsibility in that you are disappointing, & letting down your GF. Ignore it!

    Whatever you do, keep a positive attitude, take rejection with a smile, & use any opportunity to improve yourself & your skillsets - even hobby wise, because you've got to nourish your mental state. If your GF does decide to pressurize you, let her go, because she's there for the package, not the individual, & it would be beneficial for you both to find that out sooner rather than later. How she reacts to your situation will depend on how well she's doing, & her immediate expectations & plans. That said, don't forget - she shares your pain too (& vicariously her friends worry about her), so how you take disappointment, will affect your relationship - so take it well!

    I was in the same position as you, but far worse off at 18. I went up & down the country in search of opportunity. Some people are just lucky, & are always in the right place at the right time, but you can make your own luck by taking advantage of every opening.

    It's far worse as you get older. As long as you're under 35, people will still treat you as having potential - but it shouldn't take that long.

    You may have to change your expectations - but everybody does eventually. 23 is still very young & fresh, & you have a world of opportunity & self development out there waiting for you. Good luck!
     
  14. njbigdick

    njbigdick New Member

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2011
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    1
    Gender:
    Male
    Location:
    North Jersey
    Be honest with yourself, and if you feel you are doing enough to find a job, then don't let her or anyone else make you feel bad. You should tell her that you are trying your best, but if your best is not enough for her, then she needs to move on. You "care for her" enough to make her miserable if being with you is going to make her feel that way. Now she has a choice to make, if she chooses to stay with you, then make it clear you will not tolerate her making you feel bad anymore. Our significant other's in a relationship should never let us feel bad, but should support us through the good and the bad. If she can't do that, then you need to move on. If you love her, it may be tough, but it will be the right thing. I've been in quite a few relationships, and the one thing I've learned is whenever anyone takes you down, walk away quickly, you don't want that in your life...
     
  15. helgaleena

    Gold Member

    Joined:
    Sep 8, 2006
    Messages:
    5,663
    Albums:
    2
    Likes Received:
    3
    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Wisconsin USA
    Jobs with benefits are going to become a rare commodity, if the Republicrats have their way. Cut yourself some slack, do something in a career that you love so that it becomes your profession, and screw what others think about that, including your girlfriend. If you really value benefits the most of any other consideration, become a janitor for the municipality.
     
  16. D_Count_Dickula

    D_Count_Dickula New Member

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2006
    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    0
    What a horrible thing! Where is this country heading!? I live in Germany, we have automatic benefits with all jobs. Thank God I am not American.
     
Draft saved Draft deleted