dating an unemployment.

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by dolfette, Jan 24, 2012.

  1. dolfette

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    a post in the deal breaker thread got me musing.
    even in these economic times there's a perception by some that anyone unemployed is unemployed because they 'won't work'.

    i'll start by relating a tale from my most recent fling...
    when we met he had a good job and a flash car but he lost his job during company lay offs. last in, first out! he lost his car, struggled to pay his mortgage.
    so, after the previous months of him paying for dates, i insisted on paying for meals & movies. he felt a little uncomfortable but i'm pretty persuasive when i want to be!
    it took him several months to get a job. nobody was hiring in his field and nobody would hire him for lower paid jobs because he was over qualified.
    long story short, when the economy picked up he found work and is now earning good money and getting pats on the back from the man at the top.
    we remain friends.

    i know that there are people out there who refuse to work and would rather play the system, but not every unemployed person is like that. i can understand not wanting to date someone who is out of work (it's a personal choice and there's nothing wrong with that!) but i think it's both daft and cruel to condemn people for being jobless through no fault of their own.

    so, yes, i would date a guy who had no job... as long as he was a person who wanted to work.

    would you?
     
  2. Viking_UK

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    Yes. My other half was unemployed when we met. He was very reluctant to go out because he had very little money and a lot of pride. He had applied for something like 80 jobs in the couple of weeks before we met, but, like your friend, dolfette, was overqualified for most of the jobs available. We've been together almost 17 years now, and he was made redundant a few years ago - fortunately at a time when I was really busy, so I was able to hire him part-time while he looked for another job - and during those three months, he applied for hundreds of jobs and only got four interviews. He's in the unfortunate position of being highly qualified and experienced but likes to be hands-on, so a lot of companies won't even consider him for the jobs he enjoys doing and he doesn't want to be stuck in an office shuffling paper when he could be getting his hands dirty.

    The bottom line is there's a huge difference between someone who's between jobs and someone who won't work.
     
  3. SoloAqui

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    I would date someone that is unemployed and willing to work. I think many struggle to accept less when they are over qualified and were getting more.
    For those that are unemployed, hang in there.
     
    #3 SoloAqui, Jan 24, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2012
  4. rtg

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    Okay, so I know this is aimed at me since I wrote the above...

    This is based on my personal experience with people who actually won't work...they don't look for jobs and get their parents to support them (pay for everything and live with them). Then they complain that they have no money and that they are bored at home cos they are doing nothing....and they get cranky when you won't do things with them cos you in fact have to work that day, or the next day.

    That's what I was referring to.

    If someone loses their job and is actively looking for work, or if they have a medical condition whereby they cannot work..of course I would be understanding with this. I know that times are tough these days and that some jobs aren't easy to come by. I wouldn't be to shallow as to not date someone who was unemployed simply because they were made redundant or cannot find work due to the current economic climate.
     
  5. dolfette

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    it wasn't aimed at you, doll.
    you just put the issue in my mind.

    and i don't think it's shallow not to date the unemployed. it's just one of those personal choice things. these things can create issues which some would prefer to avoid.

    if i had an issue with you i'd have been catty & insulting in the thread. you know how reasonable i can be!
     
  6. rtg

    rtg
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    Lol true. I didn't necessarily mean aimed at me in a catty way...but I knew I put it in your head lol. Just wanted to explain myself :)

    One thing that has always annoyed me (and that I have never been able to understand) is how people can be happy when they choose to just sit around and do nothing and not work. How can such people not have goals or motivation to succeed?

    Working in a job that you love...and working hard to accomplish that and to get ahead in life is so rewarding. I just can't understand how some people don't feel the same way. I don't believe that these people will ever really be truly happy, and they will always feel threatened by a successful (career-wise) partner. It would cause a lot of tension on the relationship I reckon.
     
  7. dolfette

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    i can't agree with you there.
    the world is full of perfectly content stay at home moms/dads and housewives/husbands. some people find a 9-5 more stressful than rewarding and feel that the contribution they make in running the home and caring for everyone in it pays their way.

    it suits some couples just fine.
    not all, but some.
     
  8. ManofThunder

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    I'll date any lady, if we're compatible. Currently, I'm unemployed - I have been for a while. My situation is slightly different. I'm not out of work because I'm lazy, but I am out of work by choice. Initially, I was forced to leave. However, I've since been trying to do 'better' jobs - something creative. Muscle-work is easy, but doesn't bring me fulfilment. The question is, do other people see that? It's a tricky question because in my life, I've experienced problems - financial and work-related. As a result, I really don't care if someone has a job, as long as they are willing to work (in a broader sense).

    They need some drive - some passion. Painting (art), for example. That requires work, but isn't really a 'job'. I'm sure others feel the same and would understand my position, but would they join me in a long-term relationship? I certainly can't offer them security - there's always a financial risk at the moment. I know money is far from important, but we all need to eat. I suppose it's a true test of love. If they are willing (potentially) to sit in a cold house, without heating to save money - perhaps they are truly special.
     
  9. rtg

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    Okay, so maybe I'm just naive here cos of my age then... everyone I know that doesn't work (like i said before) does it because they don't want to and like to leach off their parents.

    I don't have anything against stay at home parents, and that didn't even cross my mind actually.

    So lets just say that my opinions apply only to those i have had actual encounters with lol.
     
  10. shyguy01

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    I find myself in an increasingly difficult situation, i never went to college or Uni when i left school, i never really knew what i wanted to do.. and i still dont? When i was younger I always heard that people just get into debt and don't end up in the job they want, which just put me off. I didn't have any support, push from my family or motivation to go out and do any further study so i ended up in dead end jobs. These jobs never lasted, there was always something i got sick of, either it was the people i worked with, unsociable hours, not enough hours/pay or the job just being depressing as hell. I always had the fear that if i ended up in a full time job i hated, i ended up losing and had a mortgage to pay, it would send me under..i dont think i could deal with that? I know now... (and i get told all the time) people go out to work to earn a living but i always had my parents to fall back on... which didnt help! They arnt well off but they supported me when i was out of work.

    When it comes to finding a partner, dating/relationships i find that most women wont give me the time of day if they know im out of work... its annoying.. im either in a job and no girl or have a girl and no job.. then end up losing the girl cos i couldn't find a job. I wish i furthered my education and went to Uni, i'd have more prospects, i'd be more employable and actually have a chance of finding something i enjoy, but with the current unemployment situation, even those with degree's, they are in low paid jobs to pay bills and pay off debts- cos they have to, they have no choice!

    As for me i may not have the qualifications but im in no debt! I just need encouragement and if i had a woman it would give me an incentive and a push to find work. I do want a job don't get me wrong but its so difficult at the moment, my motorbike broke down, still needs fixing, i have little money to do anything.. but yes its refreshing to hear there are women out there who are prepared to give someone like me a chance?
     
    #10 shyguy01, Jan 24, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2012
  11. D_Harry_Pitz

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    How many people really love the job that they do?
    You make it sound like you can do anything, as long as you want to.
     
  12. D_Fiona_Farvel

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    Unemployed, particularly in the economy of the last few years does not bother me - happy-go-lucky aimlessness does, lack of fight/resilience does.

    People have more value than what they can offer financially and living a purposeful life amounts to so much more than a paycheck, so yes, I could and would date an unemployed person. Perhaps even commit to an unemployed person who was doing something, which is key.

    There's something attractive about meeting a person who isn't "set" or on a path that can't be altered to accommodate my own work and other commitments. Dare I say, if single, I might actually prefer someone experiencing a period of change.


    Although not ideal, I think you and the right partner could work together and find a comfortable lifestyle using whatever mix of alternative and mainstream resources available. Or support each other to reach your goals - whatever happened to the notion of elevating and building a lifestyle together?
     
  13. rtg

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    Because I do believe that you can do anything as long as you want to. But of course, this doesn't mean that it will come easy...you have to work hard to get things that you want sometimes.

    I love my job...maybe not everyday and sure I get really stressed out at times, but I do love it. I guess I'm lucky enough to have chosen something to study that I really enjoyed (and am passionate about) and was able to get the job that I wanted as well. But that said, I have worked my ass off...and my life essentially revolves around my career. I realise that not everyone is like this though.
     
    #13 rtg, Jan 24, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2012
  14. ManofThunder

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    I agree! The lifestyle-building is certainly possible, it's just a case of finding such a person. :tongue: Romance-wise, I've never had much luck - one thing or another kills the relationship. It's easier said than done, but there's always someone out there for you. It's easy to look like a sponge when your partner is working and you, seemingly, do nothing. Really, I think it's a matter of doing what makes you happy. Whatever way you look at it, there's going to be someone or something that holds you back regardless of the path you choose. So, have fun and enjoy life!
     
  15. D_Jacqueline_Boozann

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    Most of the unemployed people have university degrees -- but what were their majors? Business Administration, Music (not Music Education); Business Management (great degree in the 70s); Finance, Art (not Art Education); or some other fields they liked.

    When I was teaching high-school students in New York and Albuquerque, NM, I encouraged them (due to this recession) to enter fields of demand: medical (nursing), scientific fields (think of Intel and Sandia Labs), teacher education programs, especially special education, ESL (English as a second language), mathematics, and science. These are only a few professions that are guaranteed/almost guaranteed lifetime positions.

    Now, there are the lucky few who had double majors/double minors, or those who had a major and a minor that could complement each other/cross over -- just in case there weren't positions at their time of graduation.

    I feel sorry for all of the university graduates now, starting out four years ago, who are finding out they chose the wrong major: retool/reskill yourselves -- search, research to determine what will be the prospective jobs for the next, save, 20 or more years.

    Finally, I'm a retired state high-school teacher, and I'm doing just fine, along with all my fellow retired teacher friends in New York and Albuquerque. My major: English Education with a minor in History Education.

    Episcopalian, Albuquerque, NM
     
  16. D_Dick_Jagger

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    I would not say or compare a stay at home mom or dad to a person who doesn't work.

    Stay at home parents, unless criminally negligent, have the busiest jobs extant, as well as the most downplayed by the work out of home crowd.

    Just wanted to point that out.
    This is true, as far as it goes. It also depends on the type of relationship. What works for a young single couple, of sitting in a cold house, while they pursue non paying dreams, would be unacceptable for couples with children, where at least one parent should be working.

    In reality both parents will most likely be forced to work, to make sure that there children are not sitting in a cold house "enjoying" their irresponsible parents nice little bohemian lifestyle.

    For childless couples, this is not an issue. For me personally, as long as the person had some drive, and was willing to work in some kind of capacity, I would date them. They must be willing, as I am, to alter it should our circumstances change. See above.
     
  17. D_Harry_Pitz

    D_Harry_Pitz New Member

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    I'm happy for you that it worked out that way. But as episcopalian pointed out, it's not always that simple.
    I've got a very good friend who was working very very very hard for a fashion company, which she loved. But her bosses were taking advantage of her. She told me the story of one of her bosses, and it sounded like that woman (the boss) just got very lucky. She doesn't have any skill, which is why my friend had to do her job, but she didn't get paid better. Even her overtime didn't get paid. This boss got to where she is by pure chance. It is not always as simple as "work hard and live will be good to you".

    Not to mention the people that just don't get any chances, I'm sure you can think of some without my help ;)
     
    #17 D_Harry_Pitz, Jan 24, 2012
    Last edited: Jan 24, 2012
  18. dolfette

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    i was not saying they were the same.
    i was pointing out that having half of the couple not working does not automatically mean there are unbearable tensions.
     
  19. D_Harry_Pitz

    D_Harry_Pitz New Member

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    I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with an unemployed woman. But when I'm thinking long term, getting married and stuff like that. I would mind.
    Also, I would not like to have a stay at home mom, part-time or something like that is fine. Maybe when my child is still a very small baby, she can stay home if she likes. But in the end I would not like to share my life with somebody who likes staying 'at home' for a long time.
     
  20. tamati

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    when me and my GF met online two years ago we were both unemployed.

    now that we are both working , we really miss those good ol days when we'd spend all day in bed...
     
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