Dating and Cruising in the 21st Century

D_Mercedes_Bents

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Hey everybody,

So I was just wondering what everyone's thoughts were about dating and cruising nowadays -- and how a lot of it has shifted to an online territory (grindr, manhunt, adam4adam, craigslist). Is that something you participate in? If so, is there any visible pros/cons you see to it, versus cruising in bars or say parks/beaches/etc? I'm really interested in the opinions of people who sleep with men they've met online, or are even in longterm relationships with someone now that started off more or less NSA.

I'm thinking of applying for some photography grants to turn this into something of a longterm project, so anything would help to improve my understanding of the topic.

Thanks,
Latinboi
 

rbkwp

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Old School
so never participated in online stuff, and thankfully it was not around in my prime
THINK
you may well do better to go the ole route
Face to Face from the outset .. even then you may find it difficult to distinguish between the rip off devils that are out there,
and other genuines.

Best to you ..
 

D_Mercedes_Bents

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Old School
so never participated in online stuff, and thankfully it was not around in my prime
THINK
you may well do better to go the ole route
Face to Face from the outset .. even then you may find it difficult to distinguish between the rip off devils that are out there,
and other genuines.

Best to you ..

Mm! So you say thankfully it wasn't around in your prime -- mind elaborating a bit more on that? And I've considered the older route, but accessibility's mostly the issue. Like it might seem a bit out of left-field if a dude wants to fool around and I'm asking him how he feels about it all -- lol. What do you think?
 

rbkwp

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Mm! So you say thankfully it wasn't around in your prime -- mind elaborating a bit more on that? And I've considered the older route, but accessibility's mostly the issue. Like it might seem a bit out of left-field if a dude wants to fool around and I'm asking him how he feels about it all -- lol. What do you think?




Just
surmising matey
Must be very difficult to portray a genuine interest online (not suggesting you- but other prospectives yes)
Always seems to me the responders in online queries appear to be persons of desperation, and hence a possible added difficulty, something no one needs in a possible burgeoning relationship

Hope i have explained it where you can grasp a little,never been one to put things across all that well

Cheers to you ..
 

theplayerking

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Cruising and dating are completely different things.

Cruising online is far easier and safer than a park or a restroom. I used to cruise in the late 90s—before people had broadband at home. It was very time consuming and you rarely found what you were looking for, even in active spots. If you found someone it was difficult to have anal sex. Online you can be much more specific: find someone of in your desired age range, sexual position, etc. If you don’t find what you’re looking for you can do something else and try again later. I can’t say that I’d want to go back to old-school cruising. It had its charms and excitement, but I prefer the convenience of online.
 

D_Mercedes_Bents

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Cruising and dating are completely different things.

Cruising online is far easier and safer than a park or a restroom. I used to cruise in the late 90s—before people had broadband at home. It was very time consuming and you rarely found what you were looking for, even in active spots. If you found someone it was difficult to have anal sex. Online you can be much more specific: find someone of in your desired age range, sexual position, etc. If you don’t find what you’re looking for you can do something else and try again later. I can’t say that I’d want to go back to old-school cruising. It had its charms and excitement, but I prefer the convenience of online.

Thanks for your response -- and interesting! So you're saying it's less work and in a way more accurate? Do you think it allows people to be more spontaneous, as well? And perhaps more readily keep in contact with someone, like as FBs? Because I imagine real-life cruising is more or less wham, bam, thank you ma'am.
 

MisterSlave

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Hmmm. . Most of my hook ups have been from online.

sometimes Ill go to our local leather-bar (the Eagle) and cruise the leather-men. Other times Ill just go to one of the 2 bath-houses in my city.

regarding public cruising: and comments of VZR1800, I feel sorry for your Localle there man, . . sounds very much like the place is stuck in the 1950's. Meeting people and getting to know them is not the same thing as paying for sex or prostitution. How are gay people supposed to meet one another.? the cop, would have a nice lawsuit on his hands, by me, if he were to press any kind of charge against me for harmless questions about orientation and sex interests. I do not know of your "pick up laws" in Oklahoma, but that kind of mentality would not fly, here. There is a big difference between (gay courting), and paying for sex / prostitution. A police officer would best be very carefull with wording, lest they have a sexual discrimination lawsuit.
 

jojolongdong

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I started cruising at a really young age. (I won't reveal that here in case it's against the rules.)
When I moved to London in 1988 there were still some cottages (tearooms) operating and a few had glory holes for limited periods. The cruising grounds were very busy in all weathers and I even cruised guys on the street occasionally.
I kept diaries (sporadically) and the bulk of my recollections concerned details of my cruising activities. (I hope one day to use these as reference material for something, I have some memories that will remain with me forever, and I've shared one or two here on previous posts.)
I really miss those days !

Today there are fewer cruising spots and I know of no cottages in London.
I used to get very frustrated with cruising on-line and eventually closed my GAYDAR down several years ago, because of that and being constantly harrassed. (the flattery soon wore off when the demands became more insistent and persistent), and I still am frustrated by the on-line method of cruising in the 21st Century.
(I won't reveal the name of the web-site I use, but it is exclusively for gay men and hasn't been mentioned above.)

There is nothing like the raw thrill and excitement that cruising brings.
It often begins with the thought and/or desire, or occasionally the recognition/awareness of surroundings.
It can be a sudden impulse or slow burning idea which might require planning.
It can be a massive disappointment and waste of time or it can be the most exciting, unbelievable and rewarding of pastimes.
It is a self imposed lesson in patience, pride and passion and on occasions it has exceeded my own fantasies.


It has been/is addictive..... and anyone can do it.

I hope this is helpful. Please feel free to send me a Private Message if you have any questions.

Regards and Good luck with your project, Joe
 

theplayerking

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Thanks for your response -- and interesting! So you're saying it's less work and in a way more accurate? Do you think it allows people to be more spontaneous, as well? And perhaps more readily keep in contact with someone, like as FBs? Because I imagine real-life cruising is more or less wham, bam, thank you ma'am.

Yes, I’ve made quite a few fuckbuds—some of whom went on to be close friends—cruising online. Never found and boyfriend that way, although I know others who have. I still try; hope (and my boner) springs eternal.
 

rbkwp

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Have no hesitation in agreeing with you jojo
One thing i would say is that i have always felt it personally demeaning to consider a person is 'cruising'
understand its a term of convenience
ie whats in a word
But just presenting yourself as a living being, out looking, suffices, in my books
and while your more than likely going to encounter many persons 'cruising'?
(depending on the area you are in) making yourself physically available, without all the modern style ... get to know every detail of the person online first... just does not appeal to me

I Keep in mind those of slight build and lesser confidence, it is not for everyone, no doubt.
 
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B_smooth_7

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I am scared to do the old fashioned cruising in the US. You never know when the cops are "cruising". In Europe it's very different. You can cruise almost anywhere. The police just shoo you away and that's about it. There are parks with regular cruising areas, toilets etc. I'd never try this in the US. So I stay with online cruising and hook ups. I think it's safer for one. Although there are problems there too, you make the rules and agree, then meet somewhere public at first. If a guy just wants my address, I say no. Easy.
 

D_Mercedes_Bents

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Hmmm. . Most of my hook ups have been from online.

sometimes Ill go to our local leather-bar (the Eagle) and cruise the leather-men. Other times Ill just go to one of the 2 bath-houses in my city.

regarding public cruising: and comments of VZR1800, I feel sorry for your Localle there man, . . sounds very much like the place is stuck in the 1950's. Meeting people and getting to know them is not the same thing as paying for sex or prostitution. How are gay people supposed to meet one another.? the cop, would have a nice lawsuit on his hands, by me, if he were to press any kind of charge against me for harmless questions about orientation and sex interests. I do not know of your "pick up laws" in Oklahoma, but that kind of mentality would not fly, here. There is a big difference between (gay courting), and paying for sex / prostitution. A police officer would best be very carefull with wording, lest they have a sexual discrimination lawsuit.

amen to that :D
 

D_Mercedes_Bents

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I started cruising at a really young age. (I won't reveal that here in case it's against the rules.)
When I moved to London in 1988 there were still some cottages (tearooms) operating and a few had glory holes for limited periods. The cruising grounds were very busy in all weathers and I even cruised guys on the street occasionally.
I kept diaries (sporadically) and the bulk of my recollections concerned details of my cruising activities. (I hope one day to use these as reference material for something, I have some memories that will remain with me forever, and I've shared one or two here on previous posts.)
I really miss those days !

Today there are fewer cruising spots and I know of no cottages in London.
I used to get very frustrated with cruising on-line and eventually closed my GAYDAR down several years ago, because of that and being constantly harrassed. (the flattery soon wore off when the demands became more insistent and persistent), and I still am frustrated by the on-line method of cruising in the 21st Century.
(I won't reveal the name of the web-site I use, but it is exclusively for gay men and hasn't been mentioned above.)

There is nothing like the raw thrill and excitement that cruising brings.
It often begins with the thought and/or desire, or occasionally the recognition/awareness of surroundings.
It can be a sudden impulse or slow burning idea which might require planning.
It can be a massive disappointment and waste of time or it can be the most exciting, unbelievable and rewarding of pastimes.
It is a self imposed lesson in patience, pride and passion and on occasions it has exceeded my own fantasies.


It has been/is addictive..... and anyone can do it.

I hope this is helpful. Please feel free to send me a Private Message if you have any questions.

Regards and Good luck with your project, Joe

Thanks for the information! I might be messaging you in the next few days!
 

MuscledHorse

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I have done a lot of crusing both live and cyber. The live part is mainly in gyms I've lifted in--though I'm always on the lookout for guys checking me out. I don't drink or somke or use drugs so bars hold zero attraction for me. The cyber worlds of manhunt, grindr and the like have helped supply a steady stream of fuck buds wherever I am. Great thing to have.
 

invisibleman

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I have cruised and dated men naturally before there were bulletin board lines. And the BB lines became the internet and the internet had computer dating/hookup intermediaries.

I have tried with no success using computer dating/hookup intermediaries. Every man wanted a supermodel guy or a buff guy or some other attributes. Something that I wasn't. I never misled them about who I was and what I looked like.

If I am looking for love and/or sex...I won't use the internet. I will find it the hard way...by being out there in the world. The only concern I have that I have noticed about people using PCs and the internet for dates and hookups...it makes things uncertain. How can you trust someone nowadays if you know that maybe someday you find yourself traded-in?

Example: You meet someone nowadays. You hit it off well. You think that you have someone. Then, they come to you saying that they have met someone else online.
People are kinda disposable...there is no certainty. That has been MY experience.

But I am sure that some people have had great experiences with cruising and dating in the 21st Century. Lucky you. Me, I cruise and date old-style meet and greet.