Dating Apps Are Ruining Me

Pantherrrr

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Does anyone else feel like dating apps truly bring the worst out of you? After having these various apps for a couple weeks it has made dating mundane and depressing. It's a cesspool for the deplorable really but I try my hardest to not let the encounters change me into a negative person. Anyone have any advice on it or feel the same way? To be honest I see it in other people too, often because of hormones guys will come off extremely aggressive or rude. After having various conversations I've found that most believe in Gay Dating being mean "just comes with the territory".
 
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ItsAll4Kim

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The "gay dating being mean" issue is oft-repeated here, and among my gay friends. I laugh when I see...often in TV portrayals...gay men encouraging some poor schlub straight guy who's struck out with a woman, to "switch teams", usually stating reasons that it's "easier".

Seems like they're encouraging him to jump from the frying pan into the fire. I don't envy you.

And I concur with @shard38 ....stop using those apps. Dating IS a cesspool. When you use conventional means of dating, you only see one small corner of that cesspool. Apps are like being dragged through it by a waterskiing boat.
 

Triasco

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I'm a sociology major and have done some research on networked intimacy, specifically on how dating apps affect various aspects of our intimate relationships with others. Rest assured that you're not alone in your assessment, some of these issues coming directly from the structure of such apps and v others from the nastier corners of human behavior. I'd love to do some research of the meanness of gay dating some day,.

In any case,Iif you find the apps are influencing you negatively more than they are helping, I agree with the others and suggest ceasing use of them.
 
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Never used an app for that...finding someone in person is much more fun.
 

Brian S

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I have both grindr and scruff, but not to search for a date. Honestly, I'm just on there to look around and swap pics with anyone who cares to. I use it for a bit of simple fun like that, and even I have seen the ugly side of it. Because I'm not looking for more, it's easy for me to overlook it all and just continue doing what I'm doing. If, God forbid, my partner and I were no longer together for some reason, I don't think I'd use those apps to find someone new. There's just too much of a disproportionate shittiness to them. It should also be noted that I'm in a smaller area and know that there are "better quality" gay men around who don't use those apps at all. Not to say they're all shitty; there are some nice guys on there. But it's sort of the same idea that people find it easy to be bullies on the internet, since you don't have to face that person and say those things to them.
 
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deleted3782

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I have both grindr and scruff, but not to search for a date. Honestly, I'm just on there to look around...

I have the same two, and I'm single, from a smaller town. I use them to be aware of the scattered gay community around me, but I have no interest in meeting anyone due to past experiences and traumas. To the OP's point, yes, the apps make me even more shallow and aloof than I already was, but I have no expectations to meet anyone so it kinda works out ok. I'm curious what the next "thing" will be...I understand some younger guys are meeting each other through Instagram, which sounds good if they can identify shared interests and sympathies through their posts/content.
 

sangheili90

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I actually gave Tinder a shot for real a couple weeks ago and I'm never going back on.

I went to meet up with one of my "matches" from Tinder at a local restaurant/bar. I was waiting outside in my car and she texted me saying she was walking in and from a distance I could tell she was way bigger than what her pictures showed. I went inside and introduced myself and also found that she really didn't look like the person in the photos, I don't think she was a catfish but this was already to a very bad start.

We sit outside on the patio and we start talking and within a few minutes I could tell this was going to be bad. I was with her for about an hour but the entire time I hardly said anything. She hardly asked me anything about myself and would go on these long winded rants about random and trivial stuff that I'd never be able to add to at all. For example, I asked her how long it took her to get to the restaurant and she mentioned what part of town she lived at, so naturally from there I asked her if she liked living there. She then mentioned she rooms with her sister and started going on this rant about what her sister was like lol.

To say the least I struggled to sit there the entire time but I was polite, naturally I never went out with her again.

There are tons of bots on tinder and fake profiles, when I first checked out a few years ago it was just as bad. Tons of girls that will fatfish you as well, they do this by posting deceiving photos of themselves on there. Actual dating sites are even worse, most of the profiles in my area are bots/fake profiles and the real women are well below average.

No man should waste his time with apps or online dating, and this is coming from an above average guy.
 

ArtAppreciation

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WARNING: this post contains dramatization for illustrative purposes.


I can’t say I’ve tried them. Yet my lack of experience doesn’t detract from my overall message.

I guess I categorize them like I do heroin or smoking crack. It seems like I could maybe conceivably potentially run into some trouble if I were to do that. So.

Unlike many of my decisions, I have a feeling that this one was OK.

It seems like you’ve gotten some good advice and I recommend listening to people wiser than us...helps me stay out of trouble :cool:
 

malakos

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I have one that I just quickly check once a day or every other day and then move on. Actually spending time on the search breeds desperation and discontent. If you feel you can't help getting absorbed in seeking, I'd recommend taking a break from them. Typically no good comes from that approach.