Dating Decorum: How do you figure out how it works in a new area?

Discussion in 'Relationships, Discrimination, and Jealousy' started by Principessa, Dec 1, 2007.

  1. Principessa

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    Str8cfcuk has brought up an excellent point in his most recent thread.



    This is actually something which I have been pondering, posting for about a month now. But to tell the truth I felt kinda silly mentioning it. :redface:

    As most of you know I am from New Jersey, however I moved to Georgia 5.5 months ago. My problem is that I don’t understand the hetero flirting/dating rules here. I hate to sound like a stereotype but in the New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania areas people tend to move more quickly, we are sometimes even grumpy or perhaps cranky is a better word. Back home we don’t smile at strangers or start conversations with them unless we are bitching and kvetching about the lines not moving at DMV or the idiot with 20 items in his cart on the 12 items or less lane in front of us at Pathmark. So, assuming one is not at a club or bar but at Home Depot or the Cingular store it’s easy to tell if a guy is interested in you because he stops scowling long enough to smile or give an appraising glance. He may even approach you to chat. Yes, I once picked up a guy in the Cingular phone store in NJ.

    In the Atlanta metro area people are almost eerily nice and chatty all the time, everywhere I go! I have no idea how to tell if a man is being just southern polite or perhaps showing interest? Seriously, everybody down here smiles and is chatty to everyone all the time! :confused::eek:

    I have an additional flirting/dating issue: though I am a black woman I have a predilection for white men. I have seen many inter-racial couples so I know it’s not impossible. They can’t all have moved here from above the Mason-Dixon Line. However, racism is as alive here as it is in New Jersey. The thing is, in NJ the rednecks stick out more; it’s obvious who to avoid back home. :tongue: I am truly fearful of misreading a guy and ending up beaten up and dead in a ditch because I thought Billy Joe was flirting when in fact he was a racist redneck who smiled out of habit because he’s a Southerner. :frown1:

    Two Questions:
    1) How can I tell when a Southern man is interested in me and not just being polite?
    2) When you are new to an area how do you figure out the dating decorum?

    If I don’t get some big white boy cock soon, I’m gonna have to do a road trip back to the Garden State and hit up one of my guido guys!

    njqt466
     
  2. W/In 1 Stand Dev

    W/In 1 Stand Dev Active Member

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    (slight thread drift on )

    Wow! I haven't heard the word decorum in years. That is a good way of describing this "dance" we do as men and women... Does he like me? Does he NOT like me? How do I approach him?

    (drift off)

    I would say that if said Southerner does something kinda plain and generic and simple as asking you out for a cup of coffee. That could be your first clue.

    As far as figuring out the dating decorum in your area....jeeesh I have no idea.

    I don't have that many friends to start out with, and most of those are married.

    I foresee a long dry spell for myself.

    If you do figure out the decorum thing, drop me line and clue me in please.

    (drift on again)

    Me? I am thinking about picking up a copy of the Mystery Method and then figuring out places other than the bars (too smokey) to meet women at.

    (drift off)
     
  3. Principessa

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    *BUMP*
     
  4. naughty

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    Wow you did chose an uphill battle for yourself, didnt you? My parents were both from the South, so for some reason most of the people I tend to end up talking to have southern roots though I may not know it at first. I couldnt begin to tell you what to do if you exclusively like white men though. I tend to deal with Southern or diaspora because they are like comfort food for me. Southerners are an interesting lot, though. You are very right to go slowly manners may cover a plethora of other thoughts. Why dont you ask some of the southern boys on this board like Hickboy, Invisibleman, Playainda366 or Hazel God? I hope they can give you some insight into finding your heart's desire.
     
  5. Mr. Snakey

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    Its when you stop looking that you find someone.
     
  6. naughty

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    Now that is the truth, Ruth.
     
  7. Mr. Snakey

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    Thats the scoop Betty Boop. Give me the low down Brown. Im on my way in to town.:biggrin1:
     
  8. naughty

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    You're so flakey, Mr Snakey! LOL!
     
  9. Mr. Snakey

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    Yes. It's a pitty Miss Kitty. You are so witty. Gimme some...................................................................... City:biggrin1::wink:
     
  10. 36DD

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    NJ, so you are experiencing culture shock, eh? Don't let the southern hospitality fool you...racism is alive and well down there! As far as dating, I would think since manners are a way of life down there, that men probably also are the initiators and so would be the forward one...I think naughty had great advice, ask the southern men here...they know how it works. It's hard moving to a new state sometimes...when I left California for a year, all the men drove trucks with gun racks and wore flannel shirts...I found them to be quite scary because they were so different than the grown up surfer boy turned executive in a mercedes type I was used to seeing in L.A.
     
  11. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    I tell women I'm interested in them in one of several ways:
    1. Flirt in a chat room.
    2. Email a picture of my cock and then, if they're interested, email them a picture of my face.
    3. Have phone sex.
    4. Meet them face-to-face for a night or two of passionate fucking.

    It's easy to tell with me.
     
  12. Principessa

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    You know I love you babe; but if one more person trys to sell me that old chestnut I am going to scream like a banshee! :aargh4:It has been my experience that, that is just bullshit. :suspect:

    Having your true love, the one, soul mate, whatever just fall into your lap is a very rare thing. I don't know anyone in real life for whom that has happend, so excuse me for being so skeptical.


    HickBoy darlin' you're just easy, :flirt: that's why everybody loves you. :kiss:
     
  13. naughty

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    Uh yeah... you know betta! LOL!
     
  14. Mr Ed in Mass

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    NJ,come up to Mass and I'll show you some Northern hospitality.
    [ don't tell CB hehe]
     
  15. naughty

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    Workin' up a good pot of mad!

    Sweetheart,

    I think Uncut means that people can smell when someone is dissatisfied with themselves. Putting yourself in the way of meeting people is one thing but allowing the pursuit of the one to be the driving force along the way to a fulfilling life is another.
     
  16. ManlyBanisters

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    Dammit NJ, you done stole my line!! :tongue::biggrin1:
     
  17. Bbucko

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    I can relate to much of what you've asked, because when my nine-year relationship ended in 2004, I was a transplanted Northeasterner in a southern city with no real friends. I had to learn how the protocols work for a middle-aged man living with HIV: disclosure issues, etc.

    *sigh*

    I guess what I learned, and what works best for me, is to keep my cruising/flirting to venues where I was most comfortable and where I was most assured that my attentions would be considered appropriate and welcomed.

    For me, that meant either bars or on-line sites geared for hook-ups. But I never really was that comfortable cruising in supermarkets and other places where the "genpop" might mix in with potential beaux.
     
  18. B_Hickboy

    B_Hickboy New Member

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    hmpf. I'm fucking near impossible, to hear some tell it. But I'm easy for others. :wink:
     
  19. W/In 1 Stand Dev

    W/In 1 Stand Dev Active Member

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    You could always go on Craigslist (that's DOT com by the way) and ask how to meet men in your area. Or you could just be blunt and say that you're a "SBF looking for a SWM".

    For me? I'm really into large breasted women who are loose.

    I lucked out a few times by hanging out at the bra shops and the abortion clinics.

    Just kidding!
     
  20. goldeneye

    goldeneye Member

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    Interesting thread. When I spent some time in L.A. in my first trip out of the Midwest earlier this year, I had the most baffling time with both girls AND guys. It's just...a whole different animal. I couldn't get the hang of how it works there.
     
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