Dating fears?

[Rugbypup]

Take it slow and steady: it's kinda like a Kabuki dance right now until you each pierce the other's shell. Also have confidence that you'll have the proper instincts when the need arises, so don't fret unduly now.

Regarding the whole "submissive" thing:

1) When you flirted online, did you make him aware of your requirements regarding a forceful, aggressive guy?

We met on an online dating site and my profile is quite articulate about me and my preferences, at least think it is.

So, yes, I believe I did.

2) Are you mistaking common social decency for weakness?

Perhaps... it's a new experience for me. I've seen straight men being dominate to the women they want. I may be assuming it's the same for men. Plus the few male friends I've had have been relativity aggressive 'straight' guys, they have always shown me a degree of controlled aggression in their subtle attraction to me. Perhaps I'm just expecting it? :redface:

3) If he came at you full-throttle and overbearing would you really have been any more comfortable?

I would feel vulnerable and uncomfortable and yes, I would run and hide. Only to feel attracted to him once I was safe again... I don't know why. :tongue:

4) Gay men (no matter how butch) on a date (especially a first date) will be deferential unless they are either total boors or are role-playing as part of psychosexual gamesmanship: you would want either one of those.

Keep us apprised of the progress.

Will do... :biggrin1:

 

[Rugbypup]

if i find a guy like him i'm keeping him :tongue:

As long as you realise the odd bites on his feet when he comes home are from me, lol.

 

[dolfette]

maybe he's a bedroom dom.

 

[Rugbypup]

maybe he's a bedroom dom.

Which would be fine.

Instinct tells me to find a man who can defend himself and by extension, me. Protective instincts in a man, being made to feel safe seems deeply physically and emotionally attractive to me. :redface:

 

[Viking_UK]

I'm glad to hear it went well, Pup. Happy hunting. By the way, as you're into your rugby players, have you seen the new DDS calendar? Most, if not all the pix are on fmforums. I think they might get your tail wagging.

 

[Rugbypup]

I'm glad to hear it went well, Pup. Happy hunting. By the way, as you're into your rugby players, have you seen the new DDS calendar? Most, if not all the pix are on fmforums. I think they might get your tail wagging.

Link please! :biggrin1:

 

[B_Nick8]

He might have calibrated his approach after sensing your shyness, not wanting to scare you off or overwhelm you, especially during a first encounter. I'm sure he was concerned about being on his best behavior, which in this case might have been less threatening, especially with someone as trepidatious as you undoubtedly were (it being your first date and all).

Follow-up is key right now. If he hasn't called or tried to contact you online within 72 hours, take the initiative, if only to thank him for a good time and to offer the wish of a repeat sooner rather than later.

My thoughts exactly. No matter how much "yourself" you're being on a first date, to come across full throttle would be to risk being an overbearing boor. I also agree about the follow up. People so often mis-time these things and so misread situations.

Congratulations and good luck, Pup!

 

[25300]

Yes dam it, yes!

That or the blood of the other men who tried to claim me as theirs over him, lol. :tongue:

Quote of the day! Im going through exactly the same dilemmas as you with the whole first try, and finding one thats a man and not overtly flamboyant is not so easy. You seem like a hell of a catch for this guy though, lucky prick!

 

[dolfette]

i have to add,
it's worth giving people who aren't your type a shot if you find them attractive and interesting. sometimes what you think you want and what actually ends up making you happy are two very different things.

 

[Rugbypup]

Quote of the day! Im going through exactly the same dilemmas as you with the whole first try, and finding one thats a man and not overtly flamboyant is not so easy. You seem like a hell of a catch for this guy though, lucky prick!

A Kiwi? Kia Ora! :biggrin1:

 

[25300]

A Kiwi? Kia Ora! :biggrin1:

Why, Kia Ora. Cute and cultured. Very nice. I'd like to hear how this next date turns out!

 

[Rugbypup]

i have to add,
it's worth giving people who aren't your type a shot if you find them attractive and interesting. sometimes what you think you want and what actually ends up making you happy are two very different things.

One thing I am worried about, and this is going to sound silly, is how to be intimate with a guy and not havering to resort to defensive aggression.

I'm not an overly touchy feely type, well, perhaps a little in private, but certainly not into public displays of affection. Living with the straight mask for so long, I'm not sure how to show intimacy and be comfortable doing so with another man.

I know this is jumping the gun, but I do worry about such things.

I think this is where my tendencies for rough play, aggression and dominance come into the equation... it's male intimacy without vulnerability. I worry how I can change this in myself.

I asked question on kissing recently, only to realise one of the fundamental problems of having never been kissed before is actually allowing yourself to be kissed.

I've been so defensive, if not self protective, for so long, I'm not sure how to not be so, no matter how much I want it. :frown1:

I still have so much to learn... it's not easy. :redface:

 

[Rugbypup]

Why, Kia Ora. Cute and cultured. Very nice. I'd like to hear how this next date turns out!

Te Upoko o Te Ika a Maui... gotta love the wind, ah!

I see you're in Ōtautahi... love the gardens and the beach.

Well, watch this space... I'm not sure a second date will happen, I've been open and honest about the possibility though but I'm kinda leaving the decision up to him. :redface:

 

[25300]

I'm not an overly touchy feely type, well, perhaps a little in private, but certainly not into public displays of affection. Living with the straight mask for so long, I'm not sure how to show intimacy and be comfortable do so with another man.
...
I think this is where my tendencies for rough play, aggression and dominance come into the equation... it's male intimacy without vulnerability. I worry how I can change this in myself.

Im the same. But I figure that it will come naturally and even though you may start out with the aggression, you will probably become more comfortable, so to speak, with the situation and perhaps become more definably intimate.

 

[Rugbypup]

Im the same. But I figure that it will come naturally and even though you may start out with the aggression, you will probably become more comfortable, so to speak, with the situation and perhaps become more definably intimate.

I hope so.

I'd hate to reflex punch him if he tried to kiss me, lol. Might put a downer on the evening, battering your date an all, lol. :redface:

 

[dolfette]

One thing I am worried about, and this is going to sound silly, is how to be intimate with a guy and not havering to resort to defensive aggression.

I'm not an overly touchy feely type, well, perhaps a little in private, but certainly not into public displays of affection. Living with the straight mask for so long, I'm not sure how to show intimacy and be comfortable do so with another man.

I know this is jumping the gun, but I do worry about such things.

I think this is where my tendencies for rough play, aggression and dominance come into the equation... it's male intimacy without vulnerability. I worry how I can change this in myself.

I asked question on kissing recently, only to realise one of the fundamental problems of having never been kissed before is actually allowing yourself to be kissed.

I've been so defensive, if not self protective, for so long, I'm not sure how to not be so, no matter how much I want it. :frown1:

I still have so much to learn... it's not easy. :redface:

ahhh, you want a man who'll take the lead because you don't know where you're going? i always say that i prefer subby sex because i can be lazy, lol. someone else's job to worry about what's going on.

you'll be fine. everyone has to start learning somewhere.
and taking the time to explore his body, to play with his responses, to find all his erogenous zones... i think you'll really enjoy it!

anyway, real people expect some fumbling, some awkwardness, some shyness the first time with a new lover. he'll be consumed by his own butterflies and excitement too.

 

[25300]

I'd hate to reflex punch him if he tried to kiss me, lol. Might put a downer on the evening, battering your date an all, lol. :redface:

Ha! You really do play rough! If he eats those punches like a man, you've got a keeper! I completely know where you are coming from though. Public + touching, just not on.

 

[dolfette]

oh, puppy says he punches his date and it's cute, but i punch my dates and suddenly i'm a man hater! *pouts* the unfairness of it all!!

 

[25300]

LOL! A punch from you is probably equally as cute to the right person! But you can't deny the Pup, honestly.

 

[dolfette]

LOL! A punch from you is probably equally as cute to the right person! But you can't deny the Pup, honestly.

not the way i punch it's not :firedevil: