dating issues, am I a bad peson?

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

I put an ad on craigslist to meet guys because I'd kinda like a boyfriend.

So this one guy answers it. I'm 25 and I said in my ad I was looking for 20 to 35 year olds. This guy that answers the ad is 36. 35 is pushing it for me so 36 is over what I was looking for but I started talking to him anyway.

So he thinks I'm hot and I go on cam for him and he's just gushing over me. So I'm like, whatever. And then he starts telling me about how wealthy he is and I couldn't care less. I think wealthy people who talk about their wealth is a turn off.

But then he mentions a Mediterranean cruise he's going to go on and then says he'd like to take me with him. And he would pay for everything! I've never been on ANYTHING like that before and I'd likely never be able to afford something like that and I'd SOOO wanna go!

So he goes from being just a guy on the internet to someone of interest to me. And that makes me feel like I'm using him and I'm not like that but god...I wanna go on that trip. lol

So I figure I'll give him a chance and see if it can work. So then he sends me his pic and....he's really overweight and not attractive at all. But I agreed to go on date with him.

And that date ended an hour ago. The first thing I noticed about him when I met him was his smell. He smelled really bad. And then I noticed again how unattractive he is. And he talked on and on about shit I care nothing about and I'd pretend to be interested and he'd say "So are you having a good time?" and I'd be thinking "no" but I'd say "Oh yeah, great time."

So at the end of it he kissed me...and it was the WORST KISS EVER!!! His lips were big and mushy and wet. It was like kissing two soggy marshmallows. It was disgusting. And then he asked me when we can go out again and I told him Sunday.

But the part I feel so guilty about is that if he was not offering me this cruise, I would never consider going out with him.

I don't know how much more I can do with him. I know he's gonna want sex eventually. Dunno if I could bring myself to do that with him.

And he made it clear that he is not looking for friends. He said he has enough of them. He wants a bf and he wants me to be his bf. But I just want a cruise. lol Is that horrible?

 

[D_Jared Padalicki]

Yes it is, from both views!

 

[B_Think_Kink]

Just a tiny bit wrong. I mean he needs love too, but not from you. Don't lower your standards for something you don't even know is happening. That might just be his pick up line.

 

[Honey123]

It was not wrong for you to meet him, regardless of whether your interest was perked by the talk about the cruise. But what you are failing to see that he is so aware of how undesirable he is that he has to bait men with promises of money and cruises to get their attention. In reality, he is trying to get you to be a whore.

Be polite and say no, then don't answer his calls. You do not need to give him a reason beyond you are not interested. Do not feel guilty. Do not return his calls. Do not have sympathy for him or try to be nice. He's a creep.

My advice is simple RUN LIKE HELL

 

[Stingy]

Avoid this by all means if you want to maintain some of your dignity...

Be honest and say goodbye! Who cares about a cruise? You will be annoyed all of the time with that person around you.

 

[Sklar]

KurtisTrent, are you a bad person. No.

Are you a user? YES. If all you do is string this guy along with whom you have zero attraction for just to go on a cruise that you can't afford right now, then you are a user.

The cruise, coming from a sales standpoint, is nothing more than the guy finding your hot button so he can get what he wants. He wants a boyfriend. You do not want HIM as your boyfriend.

Have some patience. Good things will come to you as you get older. What isn't affordable now, can be and will be in the future, if you work towards it.

Think_Kink said it best. Don't lower your standards.

Avoid talking to this guy again.

Sklar

 

[Nala]

Just pretend you're on that cruise together. He'll be around all the time, nowhere to hide for you, no chance to walk away. Would you be able to live a lie for as long as it takes? Will you still be able to enjoy the cruise?

What TK put forward about the pick up line makes sense. Lying to him is horrible indeed, but so is lying to yourself. Can you live with that?

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

It was not wrong for you to meet him, regardless of whether your interest was perked by the talk about the cruise. But what you are failing to see that he is so aware of how undesirable he is that he has to bait men with promises of money and cruises to get their attention. In reality, he is trying to get you to be a whore.

Be polite and say no, then don't answer his calls. You do not need to give him a reason beyond you are not interested. Do not feel guilty. Do not return his calls. Do not have sympathy for him or try to be nice. He's a creep.

My advice is simple RUN LIKE HELL

lol He has said a number of times that he doesn't think he's good looking enough for me. It took him a long time before he would even send me a pic of himself. So he has self image issues.

He should also work on his hygiene

and I guess you could be right that he used the cruise to get me to go out with him

 

[BigDallasDick8x6]

Sounds like you're both using each other. He's using money to get to you and you're using your looks to get to his money (cruise). Don't let him pull you down to his level. Walk away. :yup:

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

Just pretend you're on that cruise together. He'll be around all the time, nowhere to hide for you, no chance to walk away. Would you be able to live a lie for as long as it takes? Will you still be able to enjoy the cruise?

What TK put forward about the pick up line makes sense. Lying to him is horrible indeed, but so is lying to yourself. Can you live with that?

I guess you're right.

but wow...a free cruise around the world all expenses paid? I thought "How bad could this guy be?" But he's such a total turn off. And I really don't want him to kiss me again. lol

He said he told all his friends about me and that they're all curious about this great guy he met. So it makes me feel bad if I tell him it's over.

Oh, and at one point on our date he sneezed and had a booger hanging out of his nose. LMAO! seriously...

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

Sounds like you're both using each other. He's using money to get to you and you're using your looks to get to his money (cruise). Don't let him pull you down to his level. Walk away. :yup:

I really don't want to use him for his money...well...I do want the cruise. But he's always like "I wanna buy this for you" and "I wanna take you to this place first class" and stuff. And I'm like "I don't want any of this because I can't afford to do the same for you" and he's like "Don't worry about it. I made this money and I want to enjoy it by spending it on people I like"

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

so I made up my mind I'm gonna tell him tonight when he gets off work that there was no love connection today.

Which makes me feel HORRIBLE!

 

[Nala]

so I made up my mind I'm gonna tell him tonight when he gets off work that there was no love connection today.

Which makes me feel HORRIBLE!

You might feel horrible now, but in time you'll be proud of yourself for being honest to him and yourself.
If it's meant to be you'll get your cruise some other time and enjoy it even better. :hug:

 

[Branleur49008]

I don't think you're wrong for getting all excited about the prospect of a cruise. There's nothing wrong with taking advantages of opportunities that happen to come your way. It's not like you would be bilking the guy out of something or taking advantage of him - he's the one who brought it up and offered it.

However, it would really suck for you to consider the cruise when you obviously can't stand the thought of being physical with this guy. That wouldn't be taking advantage of an opportunity, but rather taking advantage of another person for personal gain. Definitely not a cool thing to do. You sound like a nice guy, and again...I don't think you're a bad person for finding yourself in this kerfuffle, but I suspect that you know better, and that you know what to do.

There's no reason to feel horrible for telling him the truth. Just tell him there was no spark, and you don't think there will be. You don't have to tell him (and shouldn't) you find him repulsive. Use the age issue if that seems more convenient.

Furthermore, you shouldn't feel horrible because this guy has been talking you up to his friends. That's just stupid on his part given how new and limited your interaction is. If he looks like an ass to his friends because you decided he doesn't do it for you, that's his problem not yours.

The only reason you should feel horrible is if you compromised your standards to simply get a cruise out of the deal.

That this guy is even offering you a cruise at this point should tell you something is not quite right with this guy. It's probably just emotional and insecurity issues, but who knows what sort of psychological pathology this guy has going on to offer a posh cruise to someone he barely knows? I'd be walking quickly away from this one, sport.

 

[MarkLondon]

Well, several things creep me out about this. The stand-out is that he says he's told all his friends about about the hot young man he's dated. So he's emotionally blackmailing you after only one date! After buying your affections. He's a manipulator, stay clear of him.

It's not that he's rich, powerful and ugly. It's that he's reducing you to an object.

 

[Branleur49008]

Excellent observations, Mark. Couldn't have said it better myself.

Well, several things creep me out about this. The stand-out is that he says he's told all his friends about about the hot young man he's dated. So he's emotionally blackmailing you after only one date! After buying your affections. He's a manipulator, stay clear of him.

It's not that he's rich, powerful and ugly. It's that he's reducing you to an object.

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

yeah I agree

that kiss at the end was what made me realize that I never want to be physical with him...ever. So yeah, it's over

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

I don't think you're wrong for getting all excited about the prospect of a cruise. There's nothing wrong with taking advantages of opportunities that happen to come your way. It's not like you would be bilking the guy out of something or taking advantage of him - he's the one who brought it up and offered it.

However, it would really suck for you to consider the cruise when you obviously can't stand the thought of being physical with this guy. That wouldn't be taking advantage of an opportunity, but rather taking advantage of another person for personal gain. Definitely not a cool thing to do. You sound like a nice guy, and again...I don't think you're a bad person for finding yourself in this kerfuffle, but I suspect that you know better, and that you know what to do.

There's no reason to feel horrible for telling him the truth. Just tell him there was no spark, and you don't think there will be. You don't have to tell him (and shouldn't) you find him repulsive. Use the age issue if that seems more convenient.

Furthermore, you shouldn't feel horrible because this guy has been talking you up to his friends. That's just stupid on his part given how new and limited your interaction is. If he looks like an ass to his friends because you decided he doesn't do it for you, that's his problem not yours.

The only reason you should feel horrible is if you compromised your standards to simply get a cruise out of the deal.

That this guy is even offering you a cruise at this point should tell you something is not quite right with this guy. It's probably just emotional and insecurity issues, but who knows what sort of psychological pathology this guy has going on to offer a posh cruise to someone he barely knows? I'd be walking quickly away from this one, sport.

The reason I went out with him today was because of the cruise offer BUT in my head I was thinking that maybe his personality would shine through and win me over.

And when we went to lunch today I did pay for myself. Even though he wanted to pay.

I thought it was very strange that this guy would offer a cruise to someone he had only chatted with a couple of times online. He said he would buy the tickets in January but the cruise isn't until June. I even asked him what would happen if he bought the ticket for me and we broke up before the cruise and he was like "I don't worry about those things."

And it was a $4,000 ticket! First class everything! Just for me!

And he also wanted to get me a tux and take me to all these fancy places in a limo.

Talking to him online and hearing him say all these things got me really excited because I could only dream of that stuff. But actually meeting him put things into perspective and I just can't go through with it.

 

[bigguy11211]

You know the answer to this already, but just don't go there. Not fair on him, plain stupid by you.

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

thanks