dating issues, am I a bad peson?

[Principessa]

I put an ad on craigslist to meet guys because I'd kinda like a boyfriend.

And he made it clear that he is not looking for friends. He said he has enough of them. He wants a bf and he wants me to be his bf. But I just want a cruise. lol Is that horrible?

Yes, it is horrible! :angryfire2: You are lying to him and yourself. You want to go on a cruise? Get a 2nd job and save your money. If you stay with a man about whom you like absolutely nothing in order to get a cruise, jewelry, cash, clothing etc. it makes you a whore. If you are comfortable being a whore for an unattractive, fat, smelly man then go ahead, be my guest. But don't come on here whining about how awful it is later.

 

[voyeuristic]

He knows exactly what the deal is - he's ugly and can't get a hottie like you unless he pays for it. That's called glorified sex work, and I don't have a problem with it, but I think a lot of people have a valid point: he's completely disgusting to you, and you couldn't enjoy the cruise if you knew you'd have to fuck this guy with nasty B.O. when you retreated to your cabin in the evening. If you didn't have feelings for him, but found his company and looks tolerable, I would say to go for it - but he's repugnant, so I'd stay away. A one-time trick with a guy like this is one thing, but a few weeks or more? No.

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

Hey, he's the one offering $4,000 tickets to people he just met. The only thing I'm guilty of is being tempted enough to meet him for lunch, which I paid for

 

[Jovial]

You sounded like woman falling for some creep, like all the guys complain about. (Please don't take that the wrong way.) But it's good that you came to your senses.

He could be lying about the cruise just to get you in bed now. Or string you along, but then somehow take the ticket back before June.

And you are not horrible. He is horrible for showing up smelly and fat for your date. You don't owe anyone anything. It's nice if you are honest and just say you are no longer interested.

 

[D_Kay_Sarah_Sarah]

You done the right thing and gave him a chance, but if you still arent feeling it then it's not right to stick around for the gifts. Unless your happy to be the Anna Nicole type?

 

[BigBoy181]

its not the right thing to do. leading the guy on just for a free cruise (no matter how unattractive he may be) is wrong from my standpoint. he believes that what you two are doing is something way bigger than it really is. If you can barely stand the sight of him, what will you do when you are stuck on a cruise with him, and he will want to spend every moment with you?

 

[Honey123]

Glad you've decided to not go through with it.

Did it ever occur to you that the whole cruise thing might have been an empty lie? If he was so full of cash, he'd have never let you pay for lunch. Would you believe that I actually had a man talk about buying me a car - my dream car... 2008 Mustang GT 500 to get my attention and make me want to be with him. I actually felt like the way he talked about money was weird. I ran a check on him and he had a 2nd mortgage on his little condo. Yeah, money bags my fat ass. Anyway, I just felt like from your additional dialog that it sounded even more like all lies. Do you believe it? That someone might actually lie about having money to get laid?

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

So I broke up with him. Here's how part of the conversation went

sonic_da_hedgehog
i had a good time today though

Tony Christopher
thats good i am glad you did.
i did too was fun hanging out.

sonic_da_hedgehog
yep

Tony Christopher
sorry i kissed you maybe i shouldnt have.

sonic_da_hedgehog
it was sweet

Tony Christopher
it was sweet. ok
lol

sonic_da_hedgehog
te tongue would have been a bit much

Tony Christopher
i would of never done that.

sonic_da_hedgehog
yea i'm too icky for that

Tony Christopher
no your not icky at all i thought you where totally cute.

sonic_da_hedgehog
yea i was pretty cute wasn't i?

Tony Christopher
i thought you where i dont judge ... but your cute your eyes are very prtty eye color

sonic_da_hedgehog
i get that a lot
were you debating wether or not to kiss me?

Tony Christopher
yes

sonic_da_hedgehog
for how long?

Tony Christopher
when we where walking by the university even was thinking of it

sonic_da_hedgehog
is that all you were thinking?

Tony Christopher
i was thinking you where cute and it be fun to get to know you more.

sonic_da_hedgehog
you can get to know me all ya want
im an open book

Tony Christopher
so then is sex out of the question lol

sonic_da_hedgehog
i think for now

Tony Christopher
ok so see i wasnt your type then. its ok
i understand

sonic_da_hedgehog
I think you're a great guy and there is someone hot out there who is your type but I think we're too different

Tony Christopher
ok

sonic_da_hedgehog
to be completely honest, the was a little change for me and the age difference
strange i mean

Tony Christopher
ok

sonic_da_hedgehog
stop saying ok

Tony Christopher
well i h lf to be honest with you just proves mypoint and yes i am happy to be friends but, its just another let down for me. i feel like giving up/

sonic_da_hedgehog
le sigh
you're not even 40 yet

Tony Christopher
ya i know

sonic_da_hedgehog
and there are a ton of guys out there for you
but ya know, i was looking for someone 20-35 and 35 was really pushing it for me. i just think there is too much of an age difference
for a relationship i mean

Tony Christopher
ok. i undestand really its ok no worries

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

If he was so full of cash, he'd have never let you pay for lunch.

I didn't give him a chance. I paid before he could

 

[titan1968]

Kurtis, I have the same feeling as MarkLondon. If there's no chemistry between the two of you, just say goodbye to him. It's not worth the trouble. Get a good education, find a good job and go on a Mediterranean cruise with someone you really care for/ love.

Well, several things creep me out about this. The stand-out is that he says he's told all his friends about about the hot young man he's dated. So he's emotionally blackmailing you after only one date! After buying your affections. He's a manipulator, stay clear of him.

It's not that he's rich, powerful and ugly. It's that he's reducing you to an object.

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

Do you believe it? That someone might actually lie about having money to get laid?

I did think it was a little weird that he smelled so bad for a rich guy, his jeep was full of trash, and his finger nails were kinda dirty. I dunno...I just picture rich people...not that

But he says he owns 3 restaurants and a resort and was born into money. I still believe him

 

[fak_et]

People use people all the time, just dont fuck him over royally and enjoy the cruise.

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

I'm talking to him right now and he's making me feel bad because he's like "How am I supposed to explain this to my friends?"

He's making himself sound so pathetic

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

we just had a long chat. He made me fess up that I don't find him attractive. We also talked about the money thing and I asked him if he had brought up the cruise and everything else as a way to get me to go out with him. He said no but then e-mailed me this:

"ya know i might have said all those things the tux, the cruise. the limo stuff like that, in maybe it would make you like me. cause i am not use to guys like that . from my past exp its alwys i feel like i half to do it . to make somone like me more is all, so i guess i did say those things in thinking you would ike me more, find me more intersting."

 

[Phil Ayesho]

whether or not it is wrong depends upon your view of romance.


Like it or not love is an ECONOMY, just like everything else.

You list on your ad your SHOPPING LIST of traits you are looking for.
You list your OWN goods that you are willing to trade.


And this guy comes along and tries to Barter with you.
'Like a LOT of men, both gay and straight, he realizes he does not have MANY of the items others are shopping for...

So his best bet is to offer you what he CAN, that might be appealing, since he, himself, is not.

The whole concept of "trophy wives" or Trophy boyfriends is that WEALTH is WORTH something.

The only question is, what is it worth to you?


He is betting that you will go on the cruise for the experience...and maybe come to like him for his generosity...and crave the lifestyle that he can afford to offer more than a hot bod.

But, by and large, picking or discarding a potential mate for their looks is PRECISELY as shallow a self interest as picking or discarding a mate for their money.

Either way, you are using them for something YOU want.

The only real question is this... understanding the expectations of the "deal"... does the deal seem fair to you?

Would you fuck a fat smelly guy for a luxurious cruise?

How is that any different from fucking a poor, unemployed loser just because he is hot looking?

As in all relationships, what you are willing to overlook in exchange for something you want depends entirely on how badly you want that thing.

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

Very nicely put Phil.

I told this guy that I would be friends with him so long as he doesn't feel the need to impress me by buying me things or taking me places. So the cruise is off. Like someone else on here said, if I want to go on a cruise, I should pay my own way.

 

[AlteredEgo]

I think he's lying anyway, KurtisTrent. I don't believe that he was born into money, but no one bothered to buy him an education. Look at the way he writes! Most people who own restaurants also have worked in them. I'd think he'd have gotten used to keeping his nails clean. I do it without even thinking about it, and I'm dirt poor, with very limited restaurant experience. He knows he's gross, and he knows some people can be bought. It seems to me he finds it easier to tempt someone with money he may not have than to bathe thoroughly and clean behind himself.

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

Yeah he has the worst spelling I have ever seen. He spells "have" as "half"

He'll say something like "I half to go to the bathroom" or something.

And "lose" as "loose"

It drives me crazy.

And his shoes looked rather old and worn out

 

[voyeuristic]

You'd think that if one were unlucky enough to be born ugly, they'd develop their intellect in the hopes that it might lure the rare folks who are more drawn to brains than looks.

This guy disproves that notion.

 

[D_BarryBunwarmer]

well we've come to an understanding to just be friends. No money involved and I don't have to be kissed by him anymore.