Dating Multiple People At The Same Time...

rtg

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Hi all,

So I’m recently single. I haven’t been on any dates yet but am wondering how do people actually date more than one person at a time? Im not talking about sleeping with them, just going out on dates.

I’ve never been able to do it. I’m the type of person that would feel guilty... especially if I thought they weren’t seeing anyone else. But I’d like to give this a try because I want to make sure that the next person I commit to is the right one..so maybe this could help with the process of elimination lol and would help me not get attached quickly.

Any tips?
 

havner

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Casual dated three at one time, sex with only one. Then the fourth came along and I settled on her. It was tough, had to keep them on a google calendar.
 
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LargeUnit

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It can be quite a dynamic situation. I actually have wife friends that I talk to...about who I’m actually dating. They give me advice and love hearing the drama. It’s interesting because they can’t really be upset (although some tend to try to lay claim) because they are married and only seeing me for the sex.
Back to the point, I’m not real good at actually dating more than 1 person at a time. I don’t simply because it bothers me if the person I’m dating is seeing someone else, so who am I to be hold them to a different standard than myself. Being 2nd sucks. Moreover - it’s 2019, and unless you hide your phone constantly- it can be tough to pull off (although I have done it). Ohh the world of being single - it can be quite enjoyable and entertaining.
 

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Casual dated three at one time, sex with only one. Then the fourth came along and I settled on her. It was tough, had to keep them on a google calendar.
Haha, google calendar? Really?! That’s funny
 
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rtg

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Back to the point, I’m not real good at actually dating more than 1 person at a time. I don’t simply because it bothers me if the person I’m dating is seeing someone else, so who am I to be hold them to a different standard than myself. Being 2nd sucks. Moreover - it’s 2019, and unless you hide your phone constantly- it can be tough to pull off (although I have done it). Ohh the world of being single - it can be quite enjoyable and entertaining.
This is what bothers me. I don’t want to be second best or in a lineup, so I’ve never been able to do that to someone else. But I’m not getting any younger and I’m just so worried about settling for the wrong person! I don’t just want to settle for the first person that comes along. I am enjoying being single and just doing my own thing... but I’m trying to prepare for the future. I never have been good at taking things as they come! I think I just need to try to go with the flow....
 

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Difficult as it might be you will have to change your approach.

Perhaps think of it like buying a car. At first you're interested in several models. Not knowing which to choose you test drive them all and look at data from sources like Consumer Reports on the models. You're setting aside instinct on how you feel in favor of the reasoned logic of hard data. Easier said than done if how you feel about a car is more important than the data.

My mother taught me the best lesson about this when I was in high school. After a couple of girls I had crushed on rejected me I swore I'd never fall in love or date again. Mom sat me down and said I should ask lots of different girls out not just the few crushes I had. You might be surprised who says yes, she said, how much you have in common and how much you like each other. Don't take it so seriously.

It was good advice. Soon I was dating multiple girls. Many of them were dating other guys. As long as it was clear that we weren't exclusive the field was wide open.

You're too young to be exclusive anyway, she said. That can wait until you're ready to get engaged.
 

marriedasian

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i think you're placing too much value on dating when it is nothing more than time being spent with another person for the purpose of getting to know them. until you commit to each other and go exclusive, nobody has a right to demand the other to not date other people. not only is it unfair but it's also selfish too.

now if you are the type of person that prefers to date one-at-a-time and would like the same from whomever you're dating then just make it clear from the get-go and if they do not agree, then simply move on. you certainly have a right to choose who you date and set your own expectations however don't expect everyone to meet you half way. at least in this manner, you can find the right fit.

dating multiple people is not hard. just keep up with each of them so you don't start talking asking jim about how joe's appointment went on accident. :) i've ran into other dates while on a date and most of the ladies didn't have any issue. the one's that did was let go with a reminder that we were never "exclusive" so they have no right to get upset.
 

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Pretend you’re on the Bachelorette, and handing out roses. Date a bunch of guys until you mentally hand out your ‘final rose’. :grinning: Don’t enter the ‘fantasy suite’ until you’re ready to make a decision. Be honest about what you’re looking for, but let them know you’re not exclusive just yet. Don’t rush into anything until you’re ready. It’s ok to date a few guys at a time. Some will be first dates only, some will take a couple of dates to eliminate them, some will start to grow on you. You’ll find your way.
 

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Difficult as it might be you will have to change your approach.

Perhaps think of it like buying a car. At first you're interested in several models. Not knowing which to choose you test drive them all and look at data from sources like Consumer Reports on the models. You're setting aside instinct on how you feel in favor of the reasoned logic of hard data. Easier said than done if how you feel about a car is more important than the data.

My mother taught me the best lesson about this when I was in high school. After a couple of girls I had crushed on rejected me I swore I'd never fall in love or date again. Mom sat me down and said I should ask lots of different girls out not just the few crushes I had. You might be surprised who says yes, she said, how much you have in common and how much you like each other. Don't take it so seriously.

It was good advice. Soon I was dating multiple girls. Many of them were dating other guys. As long as it was clear that we weren't exclusive the field was wide open.

You're too young to be exclusive anyway, she said. That can wait until you're ready to get engaged.
Funnily enough, my mum has always said the same to me! She has always encouraged me to date more than one person at a time to see who is best for me and who I like the best. I feel like it’s kind of frowned upon now? Perhaps because sex has become an expected part of dating, but it wasn’t really like that when my mum was younger from what I understand.

Thanks for the advice, I like your car analogy :)
 

rtg

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Pretend you’re on the Bachelorette, and handing out roses. Date a bunch of guys until you mentally hand out your ‘final rose’. :grinning: Don’t enter the ‘fantasy suite’ until you’re ready to make a decision. Be honest about what you’re looking for, but let them know you’re not exclusive just yet. Don’t rush into anything until you’re ready. It’s ok to date a few guys at a time. Some will be first dates only, some will take a couple of dates to eliminate them, some will start to grow on you. You’ll find your way.
Haha it’s funny you say this! Because I did try to convince myself to pretend I’m the Bachelorette :D

I think what you have said and what @marriedasian said about me placing too much value/pressure on dating are good points.

I’m definitely not going into the fantasy suite or doing family home visits until I’m ready for that final rose! And then again, not everyone may want the rose.

Once I start dating maybe I’ll start posting about my Bachelorette series in WI haha
 

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Haha it’s funny you say this! Because I did try to convince myself to pretend I’m the Bachelorette :D

I think what you have said and what @marriedasian said about me placing too much value/pressure on dating are good points.

I’m definitely not going into the fantasy suite or doing family home visits until I’m ready for that final rose! And then again, not everyone may want the rose.

Once I start dating maybe I’ll start posting about my Bachelorette series in WI haha
Good plan! I look forward to the updates! Just stay out of Bachelor in Paradise - too much drama.
 
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Matt_x

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Haha it’s funny you say this! Because I did try to convince myself to pretend I’m the Bachelorette :D

I think what you have said and what @marriedasian said about me placing too much value/pressure on dating are good points.

I’m definitely not going into the fantasy suite or doing family home visits until I’m ready for that final rose! And then again, not everyone may want the rose.

Once I start dating maybe I’ll start posting about my Bachelorette series in WI haha

It will be their loss, I've seen you post around and I think you deserve your shot at love. Why not play the field and get to know multiple people.
 
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rtg

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It will be their loss, I've seen you post around and I think you deserve your shot at love. Why not play the field and get to know multiple people.
Thank you, that’s very nice of you :) And you’re right about it all! I just need to put it into practice (still not ready to go on a date yet, but when I do...)
 
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BoBolt

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Hi all,

So I’m recently single. I haven’t been on any dates yet but am wondering how do people actually date more than one person at a time? Im not talking about sleeping with them, just going out on dates.

I’ve never been able to do it. I’m the type of person that would feel guilty... especially if I thought they weren’t seeing anyone else. But I’d like to give this a try because I want to make sure that the next person I commit to is the right one..so maybe this could help with the process of elimination lol and would help me not get attached quickly.

Any tips?
Just be upfront and honest. I get invited more often than I ask...
 
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stustu

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Some good advice here. Most important is being honest with everyone.
Let them know you're open to dating and making new friends.
It might be wise to hold off on sex with any one person until you feel like
they are the "one." Otherwise, your credibility and reputation might suffer.
Good luck - and have fun.
 
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MisterB

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Some good advice here. Most important is being honest with everyone.
Let them know you're open to dating and making new friends.
It might be wise to hold off on sex with any one person until you feel like
they are the "one." Otherwise, your credibility and reputation might suffer.

Good luck - and have fun.
Would you have given this same advice/warning had the OP been a man? Sounds a tad bit like a double standard, no?