Dating outside of your social/economic Class?

[widenine]

I'm separated at the moment... recently met someone and gradually moved from platonic to hormonal. We enjoy private times and chuckles
over similar observations BUT there are definite information boundaries that have become apparent. My friend simply hasn't done much in academics and what's common for me seems unusual to her when we are hanging out.

Note: I am not a snob. And Yes, I'm more educated, travelled and more affluent. She is healthy, pretty and naturally smart. I'm becoming the mentor and teacher to her and this isn't what I really want.

I don't compare her my other relationship. I'm open to new ideas and like what she likes in general. It's like I'm dumming down and need to go elsewhere for a conversation with depth. The clincher: Our physical and emotional chemistry is the best I've ever had. I respect her.:redface:

 

[FRE]

There can be problems.

One of my uncles married a woman whom his mother though was below his station. Until they moved away (for other reasons), his mother persisted in tyrranizing his wife. Actually, his mother was a snob.

 

[marleyisalegend]

I'm becoming the mentor and teacher to her and this isn't what I really want.

Whenever I take the role of mentor, it's usually under the fallacy that I'm smarter than someone. Technical education is one form of "smart". I know people with law degrees who become unstable ninnies when they have to deal with people which requires just as much (in many cases more) "smarts".

If you obssess over your role as the educator, you might miss out on some good lessons from her.

 

[Not_Punny]

Get over your snobbery.

Think ying-yang.

Think Eliza Doolittle!!

Maybe it's time you gave back to the world and became a teacher!

 

[D_Bob_Crotchitch]

If she is naturally smart, what can you learn from her? Is it you want someone who shares all your own interests or someone who is different and you can enrich each others lives? I tend to be drawn to people who have some common interests but are also different enough that I can learn from them.

 

[Gaz1968]

You most certainly are a snob bud, maybe you should just give the girl a break and tell her to find someone " down there on her own level"??

Sure she will show you just how smart she is with her reply.

 

[Principessa]

You most certainly are a snob bud, maybe you should just give the girl a break and tell her to find someone " down there on her own level"??

Sure she will show you just how smart she is with her reply.

QFT! I agree. The OP is a jerk and for all that he may be better educated than she is, he really is too dumb to be with a real woman like her.

 

[Runco]

1. I am not really sure what the point of your post is, given that you have not asked a question - more made a statement (of sorts).

2. A relationship should not be about teacher-mentor. It is a relationship. What you seem to be saying is you have all kinds of chemistry with this girl but although she is smart in her own way, she is too dumb for you (so you have to go elsewhere for conversation that is more your speed). Not terribly respectful to her, is it? Does she know you think she is too dumb to be your equal?

3. Being an academic does not make you smarter than her. Some of the dumbest - and least capable - people I know have been the most gifted academically.

 

[bek2335]

That would be "dumbing" down, not "dumming". Nice irony.

 

[TurkeyWithaSunburn]

I think you actualy are being a snob.

SO you like Newtonian physics and she loves the latest on Britney Spears. If you really want a relationship, you'll learn from her as much as she learns from you.

If you respect her you won't dumbdown things. If she's naturally smart don't dumb down, just elaborate on things, that's how you learn by osmosis.

On a personal note, having had the beginnings of a relationship with someone who had multiple advanced degrees and a well respected lucrative profession, I decided to not pursue it because although I'm an infomaniac I can't add multiple letters after my name, and it would have been a struggle to mesh circles of friends, social levels, all that good crap *sighs*

 

[singlemom091977]

Have to agree with many of the responses in that you are being a snob. Not sure where this idea of social/economic class came from but those ideals what out so long ago that you just need to get with it. Until you get over yourself your not fit to be with anyone.

After reading this post it gave me a good reply to the one that asked what hate most in men. This guy is exactly what hate the most in a man a snob stuck on himself type of guy.

 

[got_lost]

WOW!!!!

Well they all stuck the boot in, didn't they!!!

Have ya'll just seen the title, thought 'class' and 'snob' and that was it?


A relationship isn't all about sex and looks, it's about sharing lives, friends, interests and communication. He says she's 'smart' but it seems as adult they have very different thoughts and values.

He's not saying he's ashamed of her or thinks less of her, he's saying he's not wanting to be in the roll of mentor or educator at this point in his life.

X704 raises the point that he chose not to be with someone for the opposite reason, and she may well be thinking the same!

It's not a new idea that you need more to a relationship than good bonking! Good converstation is nice on occasions. And it's got nothing to do with snobbery.

I wouldn't go out with a sports fananatic if that's what he liked to talk about all the time (or even a bit! :redface however hot he was, it'd drive me nuts. It's choice, not class or snobbery.

 

[widenine]

I really didn't expect the harsh criticism from some of you. I've read your posts before and find that each of you have strong feelings about something or another that you hold dear. K8 got what I was trying to say.

Why do folks get so tense about the concept of class and social position in this country. It's as if they know it exists, but can't stand it and want to kill it We
are not all the same. We know that some folks have more wealth and priviledge.
We've always known this and it has always been there for all to see. I think you
are a snob only when you exclude others who did not grow up with the same priviledges. In my case, I've embraced a lovely woman and we can't seem to get
on the same page in many instances. (Notelease excuse any typos. One of you even judged me for that!)

 

[widenine]

I've always respected your ability to cut objectively to the chase and provide some real perspective on ideas that people present. Would you revisit my post and see if you missed my point? Your response was unfair.

 

[widenine]

Your response is more of a cheap shot, I feel. A typo doesn't imply stupidity, you must know. As a female, do you have any suggestions about this dilemma that would help us grow as a couple?

 

[widenine]

They really took turns kicking and biting this time, didn't they. Thanks for listening and bringing the point home.

 

[Runco]

I've always respected your ability to cut objectively to the chase and provide some real perspective on ideas that people present. Would you revisit my post and see if you missed my point? Your response was unfair.

It is unclear what you want people to say. You haven't asked a question so are you looking for people to agree with you? Debate your statement? What?

 

[Calboner]

Widenine, I am sorry to see what a load of nasty responses your post brought in, but, you see, you implied that there exists such a thing as SOCIAL CLASS in the United States and that some people are, because of birth, education, and circumstance, HIGHER in social class than others. But all good Americans know that social class just DOESN'T EXIST here anymore and that anyone who so much as mentions it is a SNOB and must be pilloried accordingly.

</sarcasm>

Social class DOES exist in the US, as everywhere else; some people DO start out life and proceed through it with advantages over others in education, work opportunities, and culture; and two people from different positions in the class scale start dating, they are likely to have difficulty finding common ground in conversation. To observe such things does not make someone a "snob."

 

[vince]

I agree with what K8 said. I don't think the OP is being snobbish. He likes the woman and in lots of ways they are compatible. But I can relate to him wanting more from a relationship than good sex and love. Love can fade quickly if you get bored with a person and don't have much in common.

I imagine it could be the same as if you were simpatico in every way, but had no physical attraction. The relationship goes to hell in that case too. Some people won't consider dating a guy if his dick doesn't measure up. Is that any less snobbish? In one case your physical needs aren't met, in the other your intellectual needs aren't.

I don't think the knee jerk, heavy criticism is justified here. Lighten up.

 

[singlemom091977]

Sorry still stick to my original response. That is you seem to think, even you made the specific statement of growing up afluent, well traveled and educated, such statements are not a norm. If you feel that you have to teach her and do not wish to do so, which I wouldn't want someone who to teach me, then tell her that your not a match. To those that point out that there is more to relationship then sex I AGREE fully but the post just has the feeling of a conceded guy who thinks he is better then this women. Look at first line in that already out of one relationship