Dating outside of your social/economic Class?

[widenine]

My experience OP FWIW, i have a good position in my place of work, education and good salary i wear a suit for work and interact with Government ministers, working lunches, manage groups of teams and resources etc, you know the drill, have varied conversations around different topics, i have to be professional in my position.

My partner and i am by no means discrediting him or putting him down is a "brickie" works on a building site, swears and wears scruffy clothes for work, but you know what, i love him for it, because he loves it and he loves me, he also keeps me " down to earth " if i am getting above myself he reminds me. We bounce of each other, we support each other, we have nothing in common in some aspects, but everything in common in others.

It works, put everything to one side and try it .
Good luck, Take care .

Thank you for your reply. It makes sense and sounds similar to what I've wanted to do. What I actually want to do, however, is mesh the two and feel like we are meeting the world together. You work in different worlds and return home to your separate world. I'm assuming that you are a same sex union and that the rules are a
bit different for you. Correct me if I'm wrong. And actually, that's not the point. My question is: "Can you bring your partner to work, say to lunch with colleagues, and have that be easy and uneventful?"

 

[widenine]

"Your response is more of a cheap shot, I feel. A typo doesn't imply stupidity, you must know. As a female, do you have any suggestions about this dilemma that would help us grow as a couple?"


Well, alright. I apologize for taking that cheap shot at you. It wasn't my intention to be hurtful, although I was being at least a little bit of a smart -ass.

Anyway, I think the most telling word - to me, anyway - in your original post is the word "hormonal". As a woman, that says to me that you are seeing her only in a sexual way and that you essentially don't have feelings for her other than wanting to have sex with her. Maybe you just aren't attracted to her other than physically, and on some level you're feeling you "should" be and are trying to explain to yourself why you aren't. I have a female friend who married her husband because she was turned on by his vocabulary. (they are now divorced, but that's another story) So what's wrong by being turned off by something about a person that you perceive as not meeting a certain standard? I am not ashamed to say that bad teeth and/or poor speaking skills/bad grammar are deal breakers for me. Are they indicitive of socioeconomic class? Sometimes they probably are.

OMG..... I believe we're on the same page And you can believe that a person who fails to take care of his or her teeth is hovering around the lower economic and social eschelon in this country. The evidence is absolutely clear.

 

[slcnewlife64]

O.k. widenine, ask yourself what would you do in the opposite case. What if she where that girl more educated, travelled and more affluent than you. What would you do then. Ask yourself, because just yourself have the answer for it.

 

[widenine]

I think it displays somewhat of a lack of social unintelligence that he is asking strangers for advice instead of just talking to her.

Why haven't you talked to her about this?

If you're afraid of insulting her, it's because it's categorically impossible to devalue someone for having a different level of intellect, insisting that Academic smarts are more valuable than street smarts.

Your response to my post, I feel, is lacking. It's a mess because you established a premise and took off with it as if it has anything at all to do with the post. What, I ask, makes you believe that I have not been honest with my partner?
Did you not read the very last three words? I said.... I respect her.

 

[widenine]

threadstarter may be 'educated' but sounds like he's a lil socially retarded... how the hell do you even get in a situation where shit like that is running through your mind lol... you def need to get out more

I'm rather surprised that so many of those posting take issue with "people being incompatible because they are very different". Irreconcilable difference is a primary justification for divorce. And if you believe social class and access to money and it's priviledge are not included, you, too, need to get out more often.

These things are on my mind because I've seen lots of folks in terrible relationships;
co-dependant, hanging around for the kids, you name it. Our lives are very short and only you can determine how to live it best. My post had everything to do with taking what I've found and making it work better for us both.

You call yourself the true lady pleaser. You must know that the time will come when a loving kiss, a hug and large unit deep inside is insufficient. We humans simply need to grow.. either together or apart.

 

[widenine]

I don't think it's easy to make a relationship work if you feel you're in over your depth, or you feel your partner can't keep up, either intellectually, or socially. If it's a big difference there's going to be friction.

Yeah, I'm feeling that too. But you can't blame a hopeless romantic for trying

 

[FRE]

This reminds me of a novel that we were required to read in 1955 when I was a preppy. It was The Virginian. A school teacher and a rough and not well educated man fell in love. The man did considerable reading, studying, and went about learning refined social graces so that he and the school teacher would have more in common.

It seems to me that in a close relationship, including in a marriage, it is important for both partners to be comfortable with each other in various social situations. Otherwise, they are likely to have significant relationship problems.

 

[Marlboro woman]

I think class snobbery is alive and well here in the UK although people aren't open about it. I often hear people saying they wouldn't send their children to such and such school, or park their car in a certain area, and although they won't openly say so, it's because they assume that people who aren't from the professional/homeowning classes are a bad influence on their children, are all thieves and scroungers, etc. Although I am an educated professional person I actually enjoy mixing with people from different backgrounds, I find that I meet all kinds of interesting people in Birmingham's pubs :wink: I have quite highbrow taste when it comes to books, theatre etc and my boyfriend shares my tastes, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't go out with a man who didn't.

 

[got_lost]

Wanting to send your kid to a good school is hardly snobbery, it's wanting the best education for them! Everyone wants that, don't they? (that is, if education is important to them) And being wary of where you park your car isn't snobbery either.... it's good sense. There are known 'high crime spots' in most cities and who wants to get their car broken into or nicked!? I don't think you have to be called a snob not to want to get your car pinched!

 

[RandyL]

I'd love to find a rich girl with green eyes, huge natural tits and nipples, and a huge hairy muff with a super tight pussy to pay my way through life and give me money for no reasn at all!

Yes, I'd date the highest classes of women, no problem!

 

[widenine]

I think class snobbery is alive and well here in the UK although people aren't open about it. I often hear people saying they wouldn't send their children to such and such school, or park their car in a certain area, and although they won't openly say so, it's because they assume that people who aren't from the professional/homeowning classes are a bad influence on their children, are all thieves and scroungers, etc. Although I am an educated professional person I actually enjoy mixing with people from different backgrounds, I find that I meet all kinds of interesting people in Birmingham's pubs :wink: I have quite highbrow taste when it comes to books, theatre etc and my boyfriend shares my tastes, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't go out with a man who didn't.

I really agree with everything that you've said. And that is particularly my dilemma. Are you or have you been in love with someone not in tune with your general values and tastes? Careful with your response. You could get pounded to a pulp as I did earlier

 

[jorpollew]

To the readers:
Take a moment and consider what your response would be if the OP's girlfriend had started this thread sharing the exact same concerns, told only from HER perspective.
Short of the boyfriend verbally embarrassing or belittling his girlfriend (which I doubt is the case here), I would presume that many readers would encourage the girlfriend by telling her, "be yourself", "hang in there, girl", "don't be intimated".

If that were the case, then most people would have to concede that just hearing the issue from the other perspective DOES NOT change the dynamics still going on WITHIN the relationship!

IMO, the OP's concerns are legitimate and sincere. And given his perspective, no matter how delicately written or politically correct, I doubt that there's a more fair or easier way to share his situation without appearing to be "the snob". So, how else does he seek help or support?; i.e., that same encouraging support that, "hypothetically", would have gone toward the girlfriend.

Rather than pointing an accusatory finger, I think the OP deserves the benefit of any doubt long enough for him to get good advice without prejudice. The "gist" of what I read in the OP was this:

"...I really like this girl I'm seeing right now, and we're kickin' it good on several levels. But, I also see some differences between us. So, how do we cope with that and make sure that those differences don't get in the way of what we've got going good so far? Whadyya think?"

 

[B_TruLadyPleaser]

I'm rather surprised that so many of those posting take issue with "people being incompatible because they are very different". Irreconcilable difference is a primary justification for divorce. And if you believe social class and access to money and it's priviledge are not included, you, too, need to get out more often.

These things are on my mind because I've seen lots of folks in terrible relationships;
co-dependant, hanging around for the kids, you name it. Our lives are very short and only you can determine how to live it best. My post had everything to do with taking what I've found and making it work better for us both.

You call yourself the true lady pleaser. You must know that the time will come when a loving kiss, a hug and large unit deep inside is insufficient. We humans simply need to grow.. either together or apart.

lmaaao aight good luck with that

 

[Marlboro woman]

I really agree with everything that you've said. And that is particularly my dilemma. Are you or have you been in love with someone not in tune with your general values and tastes? Careful with your response. You could get pounded to a pulp as I did earlier

Yes I have.


K8 Re: Dating outside of your social/economic Class?
Wanting to send your kid to a good school is hardly snobbery, it's wanting the best education for them! Everyone wants that, don't they? (that is, if education is important to them) And being wary of where you park your car isn't snobbery either.... it's good sense. There are known 'high crime spots' in most cities and who wants to get their car broken into or nicked!? I don't think you have to be called a snob not to want to get your car pinched!

It's people who don't want their kids to mix with people from other backgrounds that I find annoying.

 

[Guy-jin]

I'm separated at the moment... recently met someone and gradually moved from platonic to hormonal. We enjoy private times and chuckles
over similar observations BUT there are definite information boundaries that have become apparent. My friend simply hasn't done much in academics and what's common for me seems unusual to her when we are hanging out.

Note: I am not a snob. And Yes, I'm more educated, travelled and more affluent. She is healthy, pretty and naturally smart. I'm becoming the mentor and teacher to her and this isn't what I really want.

I don't compare her my other relationship. I'm open to new ideas and like what she likes in general. It's like I'm dumming down and need to go elsewhere for a conversation with depth. The clincher: Our physical and emotional chemistry is the best I've ever had. I respect her.:redface:

Sorry I didn't read your thread earlier. The first few pages of responses were way out of line. Your post is not "snobbery", and it's clear to me you simply don't have experience dating someone who isn't at your intellectual level. It's hard for some people to accept that not everyone is at the same intellectual level, and that not everyone wants to converse at the same level. People often confuse the word "intellectual" with "intelligent", and are offended that you would call someone what they think amounts to "stupid". Someone can be very intelligent and yet not be very intellectual, and being intellectual is a choice whereas being intelligent is a state. The two may tend to feed off each other, but that doesn't mean someone who isn't an intellectual can't be intelligent (and vice-versa!).

I say this from experience, as my last relationship was like this. I am a very intellectual person--I like to talk about science, world events, politics, culture, society, etc. I like to watch Nova, Discovery Channel, and witty social comedies. My ex liked to talk about Nicole Richie and Paris Hilton and liked to watch ET, Access Hollywood, and reality shows on the E! network. We were definitely not at the same intellectual level. That's not to say that she's "dumb", because she's not. But her interests were always in things that are not as intellectually engaging as the things I'm interested in.

At first, we were in a situation similar to what you describe: Great sex life, connected emotionally, had fun with each other. But over time, the differences in our intellectual interests started to become an increasingly negative issue. We didn't have a lot to talk about because she didn't understand or know about the things that interested me, and I didn't care about or know the things that interested her. And I'm sorry, but no matter what the emotional connection you have with someone, in a long-term relationship these things become very important.

Anyway, thinking back on that relationship, it becomes clear that early on we were not truly compatible. We had great sex and a lot of fun together for a while, but eventually a relationship evolves beyond that. Eventually we discussed this very issue, and while we both agreed to "change" to help our relationship, it didn't really happen. I don't want to discourage you, but I don't have a lot of encouragement to give. I suppose, if you want to perpetuate the relationship, you should probably bring the subject up with her (delicately, please!). Remember that just because she's not as experienced, knowledgeable or intellectual as you, that doesn't mean she's not very intelligent, and you ought to treat her with the respect someone of intelligence deserves when bringing it up.

To keep a relationship going strongly, open honesty is needed above most everything else. You need to nip this issue in the bud immediately, lest you be in a long-term dead-end situation beyond repair in the future.

$0.02

 

[SpeedoGuy]

I married outside my race to someone from lesser economic and educational background. At first I considered those differences trivial but over time I've come to confront the impact they've had on me and the relationship. Not necessarily bad impact, but impact nonetheless. Its been a learning and growing process for both of us and I don' t think I'd change it even if I could.

 

[lucky8]

I kinda like dating girls that are a class below me, they're usually more down to earth than all those preppy little rich girls