Dating question

mcbg1

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I met a guy from Grindr on a date a few weeks ago and within a week, we saw each other 4 times. He was on vacation which made things easier but since then, we've seen each other a couple more times. He stayed over at my place for the first time last night. I feel like we have a great connection but I've noticed that in between dates, he barely texts me and he seems to be online on Grindr a lot.

My insecure side sees this as him not being that into me but in person, he's very enthusiastic, affectionate (always holding my hand, cuddling me, kissing me, etc.) and he seems to be opening up as far as talking to me about personal things. We've talked about what we wanted and he said while a relationship would be great, he doesn't want to rush into things.

Am I just overthinking things or these signs red flags?

I really like him and I am trying to take it easy but sometimes, I feel overwhelmed when I start analyzing everything and it gives me terrible anxiety.

What do you guys think?
 

winesthel945

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It's always a good idea to listen when someone tells you what they want. You're a hook-up that turned into a semi-regular fuck buddy who has been told that he's not ready for a relationship. You can assume that you're not the only one he's fucking. He may have attention span issues, or he may just be signaling to you that you're fun but you're not his only interest right now.

If you want to accept him on those terms, then enjoy your time with him. If you're wanting "more," then take him at his word that he's not interested in that at the moment. If you can't take "less," then you should move on and not drive yourself crazy.
 

mcbg1

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It's always a good idea to listen when someone tells you what they want. You're a hook-up that turned into a semi-regular fuck buddy who has been told that he's not ready for a relationship. You can assume that you're not the only one he's fucking. He may have attention span issues, or he may just be signaling to you that you're fun but you're not his only interest right now.

If you want to accept him on those terms, then enjoy your time with him. If you're wanting "more," then take him at his word that he's not interested in that at the moment. If you can't take "less," then you should move on and not drive yourself crazy.

How did you get all this from my post? We didn't even hook up until the 4th date, saw each other a couple times after that without any sex and he definitely wasn't pushing for that then.
 
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975547

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Um, what or whom did you think he was doing on dates 2 and 3??
 

winesthel945

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How did you get all this from my post? We didn't even hook up until the 4th date, saw each other a couple times after that without any sex and he definitely wasn't pushing for that then.

Wow, interesting! When you mention Grindr and seeing him multiple times with kissing and cuddling, the natural assumption is that you were doing more than discussing Proust. Apologies for the presumption. :joy:

That said, it sounds like he's taking things even slower than previously interpreted from your description. If you saw him repeatedly without any sex, that definitely suggests that you are probably MANY months away from even thinking about anything more than a casual dating, maybe even just a "friends with benefits" scenario. Your clarification makes quite clear that you're nowhere near "dating" in any kind of serious sense.

I would suggest that, at this rate, you keep with the status quo for another month and then perhaps reevaluate. If at that point there's still any question about what's going on, you're justified in asking, "So, what's going on here? Are we dating?" If he's still wishy-washy, then you definitely need to determine if you're cool with this timeline.

And if you can't wait another month for clarity, then you probably have your answer.

Good luck!
 

mcbg1

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Fair. I don't know though, the way he acts in person feels more intimate to me than just casual dating. We've both said we like each other and that we're open to a relationship but that it's too soon. I'm OK with going slow but living in uncertainty drives me nuts.
 

funnyguy

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Fair. I don't know though, the way he acts in person feels more intimate to me than just casual dating. We've both said we like each other and that we're open to a relationship but that it's too soon. I'm OK with going slow but living in uncertainty drives me nuts.
As long as you are both nuttin" and enjoying it---no reason to go crazy1
 

Brodie888

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I would say he's not seeing you exclusively. I am sure he does like you, hence the return business but he probably has a few guys going at the same time who he also likes to varying degrees. At the very least he is continuing to look while he is seeing you. Not being monogamous doesn't make someone a bad person.

A handful of dates is still early. He may be open to more in the future but he's keeping his options open for now.

If he isn't messaging you outside the time he is seeing you then I don't think he's thinking of you that often.

My advice is that if you like him, see where it goes but don't get more emotionally invested than he is giving back to you.
 
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550987

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Sounds like he likes you, but he's having a good time playing the field as well