I'd like to hear your opinions (especially Dolfette & Hildaire) regarding my current situation. I dated this guy a few years ago and we've been roommates/friends with benefits for the past 18 months (although the sex has dwindled away). We are the best of friends - neither of us has ever lived with someone else before and gotten along as well.
Neither of us is currently dating anyone and we live in a very small town. We've both looked at a variety of dating sites and there is just no one out there (100 mile radius) that either of us is interested in. He is starting to get depressed about the lack of dating material.
So, the other day I mentioned to him that I don't know why we don't "date" again, since we get along so well and really care for one another. He took a couple of days to think it over and then told me that he loves me to death but doesn't think he could have a sexual relationship with me again, especially without cheating. I had a feeling that this was the case and pushed the issue because I really wanted to know why. I know him well enough that I know while he says he wants a monogamous relationship, deep down he could never really have one and that's ok with me - normally it wouldn't be, but I know that while he couldn't be monogamous he would never leave someone that he really loved.
His response was that he can't get over my "gut" (although I am over weight, I'm not obese and I have weighed the same and worn the same size clothes the entire time we've known each other - 5 years), he also has a problem with my feet (I have very dry skin and have had toenail fungus, which while gone has left my nails thick). While I completely understand how these things could influence someone new - I don't understand why he can't seem to get over them now since I haven't changed the entire time he's known me and since we both love each other and have bonded even more over the last 18 months. In fact both of us have been thinking about moving away - and during this conversation he admitted to me that he doesn't think he could move without me. I've offered kind of a life partnership - we would work together to make our lives better, live on property together but not necessarily in the same house and to help each other - but we would be free to date others if someone we were interested in moved into the area. While this isn't the best solution to me, I honestly don't think either of us will find anyone else and neither of us wants to end up alone. I'm 47 and he's 51.
I guess I'm asking your opinions on a few different things (and I'm sure that I'll get others as well). Do you think we should just move on? Do you think this is a good solution? Would you let the gut/feet thing keep you from a sexual relationship with someone? Thank you for your feedback!
Neither of us is currently dating anyone and we live in a very small town. We've both looked at a variety of dating sites and there is just no one out there (100 mile radius) that either of us is interested in. He is starting to get depressed about the lack of dating material.
So, the other day I mentioned to him that I don't know why we don't "date" again, since we get along so well and really care for one another. He took a couple of days to think it over and then told me that he loves me to death but doesn't think he could have a sexual relationship with me again, especially without cheating. I had a feeling that this was the case and pushed the issue because I really wanted to know why. I know him well enough that I know while he says he wants a monogamous relationship, deep down he could never really have one and that's ok with me - normally it wouldn't be, but I know that while he couldn't be monogamous he would never leave someone that he really loved.
His response was that he can't get over my "gut" (although I am over weight, I'm not obese and I have weighed the same and worn the same size clothes the entire time we've known each other - 5 years), he also has a problem with my feet (I have very dry skin and have had toenail fungus, which while gone has left my nails thick). While I completely understand how these things could influence someone new - I don't understand why he can't seem to get over them now since I haven't changed the entire time he's known me and since we both love each other and have bonded even more over the last 18 months. In fact both of us have been thinking about moving away - and during this conversation he admitted to me that he doesn't think he could move without me. I've offered kind of a life partnership - we would work together to make our lives better, live on property together but not necessarily in the same house and to help each other - but we would be free to date others if someone we were interested in moved into the area. While this isn't the best solution to me, I honestly don't think either of us will find anyone else and neither of us wants to end up alone. I'm 47 and he's 51.
I guess I'm asking your opinions on a few different things (and I'm sure that I'll get others as well). Do you think we should just move on? Do you think this is a good solution? Would you let the gut/feet thing keep you from a sexual relationship with someone? Thank you for your feedback!
