dating when you are a chubby guy

[ricklk]

hi


i am a black chubby lad and I have been single for a few years to be honest i have given up dating because i felt not desired for the right reason but more of a fetich for some blocks because of my weight or my skin. I just want someone to want me for me, just quirky self and shyness.
I am not a 10 and would never be one and I am honest with myself and I wonder if I will ever meet someone right or I will just finish my life alone and no one cares about me.

I know that I have to deal with a lot past trauma and therapy is here for that and it is a long road ahead but sometime I am just tired of doing that road alone and just want someone but no anyone.



What should I do ?

 

[winesthel945]

As the famous drag queen, RuPaul, likes to say: If you can't love yourself, how are you ever going to love someone else?

You need to be comfortable in your own body. Certainly if you want to improve your health and physical state, you can and should do that. That may involve diet and exercise, but it may also involve seeking some emotional or mental health support because some emotional traumas will make self-esteem harder and may lead to unhelpful behaviors. So please continue with the therapy, and perhaps ask your therapist about your body image issues.

At the end of the day, there are lots of guys of all shapes and sizes who are into chubby guys. There are even websites and apps. "BiggerCity" is a site that is popular, but also "Growlr" app has many larger guys and the guys who are attracted to them.

You will meet someone and find happiness. But before you do that, you need to be in a good mental and emotional state for yourself. RuPaul's advice is right -- you need to love yourself and be happy from inside before you can successfully welcome anyone else into your heart.

Good luck!

 

[ricklk]

As the famous drag queen, RuPaul, likes to say: If you can't love yourself, how are you ever going to love someone else?

You need to be comfortable in your own body. Certainly if you want to improve your health and physical state, you can and should do that. That may involve diet and exercise, but it may also involve seeking some emotional or mental health support because some emotional traumas will make self-esteem harder and may lead to unhelpful behaviors. So please continue with the therapy, and perhaps ask your therapist about your body image issues.

At the end of the day, there are lots of guys of all shapes and sizes who are into chubby guys. There are even websites and apps. "BiggerCity" is a site that is popular, but also "Growlr" app has many larger guys and the guys who are attracted to them.

You will meet someone and find happiness. But before you do that, you need to be in a good mental and emotional state for yourself. RuPaul's advice is right -- you need to love yourself and be happy from inside before you can successfully welcome anyone else into your heart.

Good luck!

thanks and i will continue therapy because i have more issue than vogue and that alone is bad but honestly it is the fact that i am lonely and it is hard because i seem strong on the outside but i keep everything inside and it is hurting more than i let it seen but the result is that my anxiety levels are skyrocking high and it is just getting worse and i feel like i am drowing slowly and i cannot do anything

 

[theplayerking]

Try setting up a Tinder profile with a face pic. That’s how I met my (now) husband. Tinder is great because you only match if there’s mutual interest. If a guy’s not interested (for whatever reason) you can quietly move on. It’s a lot easier on your ego than seeing guys delete your messages or say they not interested.

 

[ricklk]

Try setting up a Tinder profile with a face pic. That’s how I met my (now) husband. Tinder is great because you only match if there’s mutual interest. If a guy’s not interested (for whatever reason) you can quietly move on. It’s a lot easier on your ego than seeing guys delete your messages or say they not interested.

congrats, i have a tinder account and it is not better because some just match and delete the match or just match and send no message, maybe i am kind of hopeless and i have not use grindr because it is worse because even if i write LTR , i still get the same questions about hook up and i say no and it is never consistant so i give up and the others are couple looking for a 3 person and that is not what i am looking for and i kind have this saying that goes " the way you meet him, the way you loose them" so i do not want to harm people in a relationship to have a relationship then to be hurt.
maybe i am overthinking and having a mid 30 life crisis and desperate to be love.

 

[Zak Bull]

Stay strong buddy. It's hard to find someone. 30's were a rough time for me too.

But. The last guy I dated was a chubby black dude, and an awesome guy. Current relationship is with a younger guy in his 30s, and he's a big guy too. He's a sweet, adorable Bear.

Just want to let you know, it can happen and things can work out.

 

[theplayerking]

congrats, i have a tinder account and it is not better because some just match and delete the match or just match and send no message, maybe i am kind of hopeless and i have not use grindr because it is worse because even if i write LTR , i still get the same questions about hook up and i say no and it is never consistant so i give up and the others are couple looking for a 3 person and that is not what i am looking for and i kind have this saying that goes " the way you meet him, the way you loose them" so i do not want to harm people in a relationship to have a relationship then to be hurt.
maybe i am overthinking and having a mid 30 life crisis and desperate to be love.

I was in my 40s before I had my first real boyfriend (who eventually became my husband). It takes a lot of swiping, but it pays to be persistent.

 

[hellagood88]

Yeah I'm chubby and I've stopped looking now I'm in my 30s. Spent my teens and 20s desperate to find someone, never did. Probably never will and I've come to accept that now and I kind of feel ok about it.

 

[lairdalex]

Amazing to find so much support for us chubby/stocky guys. I'm 54 now, had a boyfriend way back when (lasted 6 months) but I find the guys I'm attracted to are not attracted to me (I know... shocking! ). I guess I've gotten used to the fact that I will remain single, and not really hook up with the hot guys (hot IMO); that's ok. I'm not closing the door cause you never know what the future will bring. Thanks again for this thread!

 

[ricklk]

thanks

Stay strong buddy. It's hard to find someone. 30's were a rough time for me too.

But. The last guy I dated was a chubby black dude, and an awesome guy. Current relationship is with a younger guy in his 30s, and he's a big guy too. He's a sweet, adorable Bear.

Just want to let you know, it can happen and things can work out.

 

[ricklk]

Yeah I'm chubby and I've stopped looking now I'm in my 30s. Spent my teens and 20s desperate to find someone, never did. Probably never will and I've come to accept that now and I kind of feel ok about it.

i know and the cost the therappy is worth the time and money spend to help me understand better on certain things but even i feel desperate i feel that maybe one day i will meet someone who might love me for me and just me and not as a sexual object but i still try to hope and i am worth some kind of how even if i do not see it but it is not easy

 

[ricklk]

Amazing to find so much support for us chubby/stocky guys. I'm 54 now, had a boyfriend way back when (lasted 6 months) but I find the guys I'm attracted to are not attracted to me (I know... shocking! ). I guess I've gotten used to the fact that I will remain single, and not really hook up with the hot guys (hot IMO); that's ok. I'm not closing the door cause you never know what the future will bring. Thanks again for this thread!

the fact to be attracted to someone who is not atttracted to you is my life story and i learned to not take it personnally as a rejection of who i am but even if it is some kind of way but just i am not attracted to certain type of personnalities, it is why i had to learn and i am still learning to handle rejection and it is adding up to the bill of therapy but i see it as a investement in me and it is making me do better choices and not settling down for someone who deserve a better version of me and i will hurt if i do not get my shit together and that enough is eye openning for me. i am guarded but not closed permanently but there is still a possibility but it takes time and i have to be patient with me first and celebrate each step.

 

[Mount Phalic]

hi


i am a black chubby lad and I have been single for a few years to be honest i have given up dating because i felt not desired for the right reason but more of a fetich for some blocks because of my weight or my skin. I just want someone to want me for me, just quirky self and shyness.
I am not a 10 and would never be one and I am honest with myself and I wonder if I will ever meet someone right or I will just finish my life alone and no one cares about me.

I know that I have to deal with a lot past trauma and therapy is here for that and it is a long road ahead but sometime I am just tired of doing that road alone and just want someone but no anyone.



What should I do ?

You will probably be a lot happier if you just bite the bullet and lose weight to become height/weight appropriate. Just go on a diet and take a brisk walk for about 30 minutes per day. You'll feel better, look better, and you'll be healthier. All of this Ru Paul non-sense about loving yourself first is not the way the world works.

 

[ricklk]

You will probably be a lot happier if you just bite the bullet and lose weight to become height/weight appropriate. Just go on a diet and take a brisk walk for about 30 minutes per day. You'll feel better, look better, and you'll be healthier. All of this Ru Paul non-sense about loving yourself first is not the way the world works.

thanks for your comment but i sure have learned few things in therapy and in life to be happy is not just losing weight but finding happiness and the true meaning of happiness. your comment is so close to troll highway please read before posting because it is not just physical aspect but emotional as well. and your comment kinda prove you are the kind of guy that say on Grindr " not fat, no black, no fems " etc...

saying that i will feel better and look better and be healthier is not true because you can be as fit as possible but if you are not well emotionally, you are as toxic and unhealthy to be in any kind of relationship but knowing that i am not reading you but the comment you put for as a pure piece of not necessary because if it is not coming from the right place, please keep it for yourself and have an excellent day to you Sir or Mam


Thanks but NAH

 

[Zak Bull]

thanks for your comment but i sure have learned few things in therapy and in life to be happy is not just losing weight but finding happiness and the true meaning of happiness. your comment is so close to troll highway please read before posting because it is not just physical aspect but emotional as well. and your comment kinda prove you are the kind of guy that say on Grindr " not fat, no black, no fems " etc...

saying that i will feel better and look better and be healthier is not true because you can be as fit as possible but if you are not well emotionally, you are as toxic and unhealthy to be in any kind of relationship but knowing that i am not reading you but the comment you put for as a pure piece of not necessary because if it is not coming from the right place, please keep it for yourself and have an excellent day to you Sir or Mam


Thanks but NAH

Good answer.

 

[Mount Phalic]

thanks for your comment but i sure have learned few things in therapy and in life to be happy is not just losing weight but finding happiness and the true meaning of happiness. your comment is so close to troll highway please read before posting because it is not just physical aspect but emotional as well. and your comment kinda prove you are the kind of guy that say on Grindr " not fat, no black, no fems " etc...

saying that i will feel better and look better and be healthier is not true because you can be as fit as possible but if you are not well emotionally, you are as toxic and unhealthy to be in any kind of relationship but knowing that i am not reading you but the comment you put for as a pure piece of not necessary because if it is not coming from the right place, please keep it for yourself and have an excellent day to you Sir or Mam


Thanks but NAH

It sounds like nothing is going to change and you’ll be talking about the same thing ten years from now. I wish you luck though.

 

[Mount Phalic]

Good answer.

That’s not a good answer. He’s treading water. He would be well advised to follow the serenity prayer and change what he can change, accept what he cannot change, and be wise enough to know the difference.

 

[Zak Bull]

That’s not a good answer. He’s treading water. He would be well advised to follow the serenity prayer and change what he can change, accept what he cannot change, and be wise enough to know the difference.

accept what he cannot change...

Seems to be doing a good job. I think it'd help if you backed off.

 

[ricklk]

accept what he cannot change...

Seems to be doing a good job. I think it'd help if you backed off.

 

[ricklk]

accept what he cannot change...

Seems to be doing a good job. I think it'd help if you backed off.

HE LIVES FOR BEING A TROLL AND NOTHING MORE...