Thank you for you message, Rhys exactly what I meant. I’m sorry you had to go through that with such a narrow minded person, his attitude is the only disgusting thing! You will find someone, don’t let the narrow minded damage your dating life.I understand what exactly you were trying to say @Beanie ,you meant that this is not like 80s anymore. I remember the ads on telly in the 80s with a great big tomb stone AIDS written on it. Medication is now very advanced and this is a "manageable" illness now. Also some people still don't know that aids and hiv are two different things.
Hiv is when you carry the virus in your blood, you need to start taking medication before it's too late. If you don't take your medication then your immune system gets damaged too much that it's impossible to reverse it back and you eventually pass away from even a basic cold. That's why the medication is very important. It's not only helping you to keep your health but also it makes it impossable for you to pass on the virus to someone else.
I remember my last date in London last month. He was an architect and I thught he is very educated so he might be very thoughful. But as soon as I told him that I am positive but undetectable, he went very red and told me that I should have date with positive people this is disgustingafter that I just stopped looking for someone else. It made me so sad, i didn't want to go to work next day but i had to. I was pretending like I am happy but I wasn't. I just don't want to feel ike that again. So I gave up. I am 35 years old and it scares me thinking that I will be alone rest of my life
It's great that you were diagnosed quickly and immediately went on medication. Your HIV infection had very little time to do damage to you, and you rapidly became un-transmittable to others. I really appreciate that you are doing your part to help educate others, but I know it has to be draining to feel like you have to be a teacher as well as a possible date/sex partner!
Even though you are not able to infect your partners, there are other reasons why HIV- guys might shy away from starting a relationship with you. Other life-long medical conditions and physical handicaps can scare people away. Some of it is because we remind others of mortality and human frailty, and it also might remind possible dates about the possibility of you perhaps ding earlier than other possible mates. When people start dating, they want to think only of possibilities and not necessarily of consequences or limitations.
After my partner died, I dated as a HIV+ man before HIV became completely manageable. I personally only wanted to have sex with and date other HIV+ guys. I got a lot of interest from HIV- guys, but I didn't want to run any risk of infecting anyone else. But having relationships only with other HIV+ guys meant that we would have something in common. And I didn't have to spend a lot of time dealing with guys who were unfamiliar with or even scared of dealing with my infection. Now that many guys are on PrEP (the once-daily pill that prevents HIV infection) and my own viral load is undetectable, some of my concerns should be abated, but I still only play around with other guys who are already HIV+. It's easier, and I don't have to worry about guilt or performance issues with someone who isn't already HIV+.
If you are meeting guys online, I HIGHLY recommend that you include your HIV status in your profile so that you pre-select guys who are open to sex or a possible relationship with someone who is HIV+. Bring up your status casually, but early, in any connection you make face-to-face to quickly 'weed out' those who aren't ready to deal with HIV. I wish you a LOT of success!
Even though you are not able to infect your partners, there are other reasons why HIV- guys might shy away from starting a relationship with you. Other life-long medical conditions and physical handicaps can scare people away. Some of it is because we remind others of mortality and human frailty, and it also might remind possible dates about the possibility of you perhaps ding earlier than other possible mates. When people start dating, they want to think only of possibilities and not necessarily of consequences or limitations.
After my partner died, I dated as a HIV+ man before HIV became completely manageable. I personally only wanted to have sex with and date other HIV+ guys. I got a lot of interest from HIV- guys, but I didn't want to run any risk of infecting anyone else. But having relationships only with other HIV+ guys meant that we would have something in common. And I didn't have to spend a lot of time dealing with guys who were unfamiliar with or even scared of dealing with my infection. Now that many guys are on PrEP (the once-daily pill that prevents HIV infection) and my own viral load is undetectable, some of my concerns should be abated, but I still only play around with other guys who are already HIV+. It's easier, and I don't have to worry about guilt or performance issues with someone who isn't already HIV+.
If you are meeting guys online, I HIGHLY recommend that you include your HIV status in your profile so that you pre-select guys who are open to sex or a possible relationship with someone who is HIV+. Bring up your status casually, but early, in any connection you make face-to-face to quickly 'weed out' those who aren't ready to deal with HIV. I wish you a LOT of success!
malakos
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I wouldn't know. I've never dated someone who was seropositive.
I have chatted with a few guys who were open about their HIV+ status. I won't lie and say that I felt exactly the same about the connection after that.
Incidentally none of those interactions led to a date. But that's not because I'm totally closed off to the idea. It's because what I'm looking for is fairly narrow to begin with; adding in that complication is just one slightly demotivating factor, generally among a number of others.
But, if I met a guy who was a great match in most respects, but had a different HIV status, then I would actually take the time to consider if I could make it work. It doesn't matter to me if a new person is telling me that the virus is suppressed to an undetectable level. I wouldn't trust my life (or the ability to have a healthy life without being dependent on medication) to the word of someone I don't really know. So if I chose to seriously date a man who was a carrier of HIV, even if supposedly undetectable, I would feel the need to add further layers of protection for sex.
Thanks @pwrdick and yes my grindr profile shows my status.
@malakos I understand you as well. As negative person you always will have some fear even if you love the othe person very much. I personally wouldn’t wanna be in a relationship like that. I’d prefer being with someone positive like me. Otherwuse everything negative person do will remind me that I am positive.
The thing that negative people are so scared to have is already inside our body. So this already ads an enormous amount of stress our lives (even tho this is now a manageable disease), I wouldn like to get extra sadness and stress from the stigma. I hope i will find love with a positive person.
@malakos I understand you as well. As negative person you always will have some fear even if you love the othe person very much. I personally wouldn’t wanna be in a relationship like that. I’d prefer being with someone positive like me. Otherwuse everything negative person do will remind me that I am positive.
The thing that negative people are so scared to have is already inside our body. So this already ads an enormous amount of stress our lives (even tho this is now a manageable disease), I wouldn like to get extra sadness and stress from the stigma. I hope i will find love with a positive person.
It makes me sad to hear anyone who feels like they are somehow branded or less than. You are not, any more than anyone else in life that is dealing with a medical condition. HIV is way down the list of diseases that can severely impact your life. It is manageable. You can live a healthy and normal life. There are a lot of diseases you can't say that about.
My partner is positive, I am negative. We have been together for 10 years. What does that say about the dangers of HIV? We have an open relationship. I never ask a person if they are positive or negative. It doesn't matter to me. What does matter to me is how safe I play. That should be anyone's only concern.
To those that feel some kind of personal insult or betrayal if the guy doesn't divulge his status on the first time you meet, GROW UP. You don't know what you would do or how you would handle it if you were positive. Maybe the person feels like there is more to them than just being positive and doesn't feel that needs to be the first thing he tells you about himself. I can't even remember when or how my boyfriend told me he was positive. His HIV status had nothing to do with why I wanted to get to know him better. It has nothing to do with why we are still together celebrating our first decade together.
My partner is positive, I am negative. We have been together for 10 years. What does that say about the dangers of HIV? We have an open relationship. I never ask a person if they are positive or negative. It doesn't matter to me. What does matter to me is how safe I play. That should be anyone's only concern.
To those that feel some kind of personal insult or betrayal if the guy doesn't divulge his status on the first time you meet, GROW UP. You don't know what you would do or how you would handle it if you were positive. Maybe the person feels like there is more to them than just being positive and doesn't feel that needs to be the first thing he tells you about himself. I can't even remember when or how my boyfriend told me he was positive. His HIV status had nothing to do with why I wanted to get to know him better. It has nothing to do with why we are still together celebrating our first decade together.
I don’t think that situation will last much longer. I remember being a kid in the 1980s and hearing what a horrible life people who were infected with HIV and later AIDS would have. Today, I don’t hear anything about people whose HIV infections progress to become AIDS. We even have a single pill that people take daily that can reduce the virus down to undetectable levels. If medicine has advanced that far in 30 years, a cure can’t be far off. Hang in there, @TurkishFella. I’m really hopeful that your generation will be the last that will have to deal with this terrible disease.
<— I wanted to find a hug emoji but I guess this will have to do.Hey, @TurkishFella, I've been thinking about you and your situation today and I have some more thoughts to share. Have you joined any sort of support group or advocacy group for people who are HIV positive? I ask this because I've had reasons to attend events put on by advocacy groups for other health conditions that have impacted my friends and family. I can see this benefitting you in two ways. First, the people I've met at these events are some of the nicest, kindest and most caring people I've ever met. Second, I think it was mentioned earlier that you are fighting a war against the fear people have due to misconceptions of the HIV positive community. Getting involved in a support group will arm you with the tools you need to educate others and eliminate their fear. I would be happy so share more specifics about my personal experiences over a PM, but I don't want to force anything on you. Take care, my friend!
Aww that’s very kind of you. I will get in touch after work today. Thank you so muchHey, @TurkishFella, I've been thinking about you and your situation today and I have some more thoughts to share. Have you joined any sort of support group or advocacy group for people who are HIV positive? I ask this because I've had reasons to attend events put on by advocacy groups for other health conditions that have impacted my friends and family. I can see this benefitting you in two ways. First, the people I've met at these events are some of the nicest, kindest and most caring people I've ever met. Second, I think it was mentioned earlier that you are fighting a war against the fear people have due to misconceptions of the HIV positive community. Getting involved in a support group will arm you with the tools you need to educate others and eliminate their fear. I would be happy so share more specifics about my personal experiences over a PM, but I don't want to force anything on you. Take care, my friend!
Silbot.
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I'm negative and have never, ever turned down a guy who was courageous (and caring) enough to disclose his HIV status. Bravery is sexy. No one has ever fantasized about being ravaged by a coward.
We need more guys like you in the world. In order for that to happen, we need to encourage full disclosure. To encourage full disclosure, there can be no penalty for honesty. Sadly, there remain people among us who do not understand this or are too fearful to pursue this rather simple logic. I understand their position, but I wish it were different.
I'm sorry you've endured these negative experiences. Keep doing what you are doing tho, know that you are fully in the right, and that there are many here who are not only behind you, but also not put off by your HIV status in the least.
(See avatar for your hug -- they seem to be going around)
We need more guys like you in the world. In order for that to happen, we need to encourage full disclosure. To encourage full disclosure, there can be no penalty for honesty. Sadly, there remain people among us who do not understand this or are too fearful to pursue this rather simple logic. I understand their position, but I wish it were different.
I'm sorry you've endured these negative experiences. Keep doing what you are doing tho, know that you are fully in the right, and that there are many here who are not only behind you, but also not put off by your HIV status in the least.
(See avatar for your hug -- they seem to be going around)
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Awww bless him. He shouldn’t be. It’s not like 80s anymore. As long as he takes his tablets everyday and take care of his health then he can live a normal healthy life.
Hi guys, I was wondering what everyone thinks about this? I've been positive since April 2017 and undetectable since June 2017. Which means I can't pass on and I'm a healthy guy. I always prefer having sex with condom of course. I did just one mistake in 2016 and now have to take one tablet everyday rest of my life.
At first it was so difficult to adjust. When I look at other people I used to think that they are the heathly normal people and now I am the sick one. However, I decided to take some professional support here in Brighton. They then explained to me that this is not like what it was in the 80s. As long as I am undetectable I literally cannot infect anybody even without condom (but again, i would not take a risk again and always using condom now). I started to look after my health and go to gym 5 days a week. I feel much more healthier than before tbh.
For me the most difficult thing is that the stigma
I don't expect anyone here to come up and share their story but what are your thoughts about this? If you're negative, do you find it diffcult to date with someone positive? (even tho he is undetectable).
Cheers guys.
Hi i am sam c3sam i thi mk on here. U jist started following me i am HIV. Too. Been so since 1996. So. Like 20 yrs ago mmm i am akmost 60 now. Illl conversations you you be okHi guys, I was wondering what everyone thinks about this? I've been positive since April 2017 and undetectable since June 2017. Which means I can't pass on and I'm a healthy guy. I always prefer having sex with condom of course. I did just one mistake in 2016 and now have to take one tablet everyday rest of my life.
At first it was so difficult to adjust. When I look at other people I used to think that they are the heathly normal people and now I am the sick one. However, I decided to take some professional support here in Brighton. They then explained to me that this is not like what it was in the 80s. As long as I am undetectable I literally cannot infect anybody even without condom (but again, i would not take a risk again and always using condom now). I started to look after my health and go to gym 5 days a week. I feel much more healthier than before tbh.
For me the most difficult thing is that the stigma
I don't expect anyone here to come up and share their story but what are your thoughts about this? If you're negative, do you find it diffcult to date with someone positive? (even tho he is undetectable).
Cheers guys.
Anyjoe
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This is precisely my story. Only difference is 26 years ago. Back in the early 1990's far less was known about the entire HIV issue and there were no known medications yet. Still HIV neg. today and husband is quite healthy.
Being HIV+ is not the diagnosis it once was. As an HIV- man I would have no problem (and never did) meeting a poz guy.
My husband is positive, I'm not. We've been together for 10 years. He sticks to his medication and is in some ways healthier than I am. As others have said, it isn't the death sentence it used to be. Just remember that taking care of yourself now includes looking out for others. It isn't too difficult to do.
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