This has been bothering me of late, I've spoke with others about it I wanted to see if you all have anything different to say. I'm 20 years old, almost 21, and my father has not been in my life at all, not even attempted to be apart of my life. I thought attend a prestigious college would cause him to make an appearance, but he hasn't. This is a great time too, he could ask if he can buy my books, send me money, take care of my traveling expenses, whatever, because at this point in my life I'm not going to turn it down. This is a somewhat long story so if you don't want to read it all I suggest you move on.Or just scroll down to the bottom and read what I'm asking advice for. I go to my Grandmother's house on my father's side the day before New Year's Eve. She was giving me money for Christmas. We pull up to her house, she lives in a duplex, she lives on the top and her mother, my great grandmother lives on the bottom, and we see a car that we think it my Dad's. Now this is just speculation. It had an Indiana license plate, and the last I've hear from my Grandmother was that he moved to Indiana. There was also so superman emblem on the car. Once again all speculation that it is his car and he is there. I call my Grandmother to let her know that we are here so she can open the door for us. She does not pick up. I call again and then she picks up and says she is on her way down. My mother, a female friend that was visiting me from school and my sister all went up stairs to chat. My had already said that we weren't staying long. Mom was already suspicious and was hoping, as was I, that he was there. So we get up there and there is no sign of him, and my Grandmother doesn't mention him either. Then my mom seen a hat on a table and was like this has to be his hat. Though he has not been in my life I have interacted with him a few time so I know what he looks like and that hat did look like something he would wear. In the middle of our conversation the door to upstairs just opens, we were all expecting it to be my father but there was no one behind the door, so we asked my Grandmother what that was about. And she told us that because she had a cord that went outside her door to plug up her Christmas tree the door didn't close all the way so when the door opened from downstairs the force from the wind opened her door upstairs as well. We just said Oh and left it alone. Then when we got ready to leave about a half an hour later the car that was there was gone. Our conclusion is that when we got there he ran downstairs to the first floor and then snuck out while we were upstairs and when the door upstairs magically opened it was not because someone was going in but because someone was going out and it certainly wasn't great grandma, who happens to be close to 90. I took this to mean that my father was not hiding from me (if that really was him) but from my mother but it bothers me that a grown man would one hide from a women but also hiding at the expense of not seeing his son that he has not seen since I was about 13. And what's even more weird is that my Grandmother obviously helped hide him which means that she endorses his absences from my life. I even try and ask her for his phone number but she always gives me some BS about how she doesn't know his number because it changes with the wind. Now this man that hides from his son when when he doesn't need him suggest that if we did build a relationship he might just run out on me again. But I have to know my father. It's too late for him to do anything meaningful, 20 years too late, but I don't know what type of health problems he has that I might face, my children won't have a grandfather (my mom has not married yet), and I just want to hear from him why he left. All my life I've heard my mom dog him out and not being in my life is justification for me to believe her but I can't make that decision with just one side of the story. In short I just want you all to tell me what you all think, most people say F him but if he only knew that if he attempt to come back in my life I would give him a chance, but the more I think about it the more I think that's stupid. It has been hard to discuss this with my mom because she just seems to think that I've gone this far without him so I don't need him, but that's not the point. Any suggestions on what I should do and what you all think about him hiding from my mother but ultimately me? Sorry to keep rambling but I also wanted to hear from guys who have left their children and their reasons for doing so. I can't seem to find a reason. maybe that would help me understand or give me some idea. Thanks for your time!