Deal Breakers

D_Ivanna_Wanka-Wang

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I was driving from work this morning and started thinking about what deal breakers I have. Then I got to thinking, with as diverse as the world is there have to be a ton of different ideas about what can kill attraction or a relationship.

My deal breakers:
1) Being positive (HIV+, AIDS).
2) Illegal Drug user
3) Smoking
4) Abusive (other than the kind I ask for *wink*)
5) Lying (I have no tolerance at all for it. Trust me to tell me the truth or I can't trust you with my heart.)

Those are really my only ones. Everything else is a case by case situation. What are yours? Or have you ever sat down and thought about them?
 

IntoxicatingToxin

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Abuse of any kind
Close-mindedness

Pessimism (when constant)
Criminal record (I've dated a handful of guys that have criminal records because I always feel that people deserve second chances... needless to say, every single one of them ended up back in jail while we were together or shortly after we broke up. Not doin' it again!)
Inability to think for themselves (I dated a guy once whose mother had made every decision for him growing up, bought his school clothes without even taking him shopping with her, etcetera. As an adult, he was a horrible decision-maker. Parents: Let your kid make decisions and make mistakes!)
Illegal drug user/heavy drinker (I would give a pass to marijuana as long as he wasn't a total pothead that smoked every day or whatever. Occasional/social drinking is okay too, just not every day, and not if they get shit-faced drunk a lot either.)
Lying (I've been lied too so much growing up that I have zero tolerance for it anymore.)
Not doing what you say you are going to do (To me this is just a respect thing. If you say you are going to call, then call. If you say you're gonna come over, come over. If you say you are going to take out the trash, then take out the trash. Not sure if this again has to do with all the drama of my childhood, but I really really can't stand it when someone says they are going to do something and then they don't. If something comes up and you can't come over, that's fine, just let me know. Don't just stand me up.)
Porn addiction (Eh. Weird one, I know. I get that guys aren't as imaginative as chicks, more of then they want to use porn to jack off, but if you are jacking off to porn every day and WE aren't having sex, and you can't seem to stop doing it, then we're having a problem.)
Poor hygiene (I dated a guy once that smelled really bad. I did some searching online and checked his shower and realized that while he bathed every day, he wasn't using anti-bacterial soap/body wash. I brought it up to him gently and he admitted that lots of people have told him that he stinks. I explained about the bacteria and we went out and got him some anti-bacterial bar soap to wash his pits/junk/other sweaty areas with and voila!- no more stink.)

I think that's about it. All of my deal-breaker list, for the most part, is based on issues I had in previous relationships.
 
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Remington

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Ignorance/stupidity
Poor hygiene
Laziness
Abusive
Too "politically correct"
Drug addiction
Uptight
Lack of a sense of humor
Bigotry
Constant pessimism

All I can think of, at the moment.

Had plenty of run-ins and a few relationships with people that have these "qualities," and I'd rather not deal with them ever again.
 
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crushinonted

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When I was younger, a potential partner being positive was definitely a deal breaker. After a decade of experiences, making a few friends who were positive, and much more involvement in the LGBT community, including AIDS fundraisers, I would have to say that my position on the matter has changed substantially.

Drug abuse is definitely a deal breaker, but I don't distinguish between legal and illegal drugs.

The biggest deal breakers for me would be cigarette smoking and right wing ideology. I'd like to kiss my partner and not hate his core beliefs.
 

D_22

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Bigotry and being prejudice is a big one. If I stumble upon this, I'm walking away.
Poor hygiene
I do agree with lack of sense of humor
Drug use (weed doesn't bother me, just hope its not excessive)
Close-mindedness
Lying
Sexual prude-ness
 

D_Ivanna_Wanka-Wang

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When I was younger, a potential partner being positive was definitely a deal breaker. After a decade of experiences, making a few friends who were positive, and much more involvement in the LGBT community, including AIDS fundraisers, I would have to say that my position on the matter has changed substantially.

I had a friend die from AIDS at the age of 24. It's not a risk I'm willing to take, especially considering my preexisting conditions. As far as educated goes, I have the knowledge about HIV/AIDS, and that people live happy "healthy" lives with it. For me being positive is my #1 deal breaker.

Though I'm very glad that you are open to accepting a potential partner who is positive, everyone needs someone. I just can't take the risk. So I applaud you =)
 

hrdhatdad

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Guys with a "gay" voice. I know they can't help it but it sends chills up my spine (and not the good kind). Likewise, I often watch porn with the sound off.
 

travis7

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deal breaker.. pricks.. that have no idea about POZ (Hiv+ ) people. so I guess that would be bashful the one who started this.
So, lets look at it like this. Being poz is not a big deal, but being poz and not telling the person who your messing with that your poz would be bad. Some people need to think before typing. and young twinks at the age of 23 ... well, need I say more.
 

Russ311

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Bashful, I agree, being poz is a dealbreaker for me as well. I grew up in the 80s and 90s being paranoid of HIV. I have purposly made sure im safe everytime I am with someone so I can stay disease free. Other deal breakers are no sense of humor, bad hygene, alcoholic or drug addict (pot is ok), no job or motivation to find a job if out of work, bigots and guys that are fem.
 

earllogjam

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Sexual incompatibility.

Bad skin.

Snoring.

Excessive promiscuity.

Unemployed.

Mentally unstable.

Manic Depression.

Unclean.

Someone who can't love me for who I am.
 

Infernal

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1. Physical violence - I saw it between my mother and step-father and it has no place in my life.

2. Lying - some gay men gossip like old ladies. The truth will get back to me eventually.

3. Cheating - see number 2.

4. Drug abuse - no tolerance for substance abuse of any kind. I don't care if you smoke it, drink it, swallow or snort it. It has no place in my life, and that includes my life with someone else.

HIV used to be a deal breaker, but my partner discovered he was positive after we had been together for a year and a half. We were only having safe sex anyway, and the discovery really didn't change anything between us. Even with an open relationship, I make sure I protect myself.
 

crushinonted

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Sorry if I came off condescending, Bashful. That really wasn't my intention. I had just read your post and thought about my first encounter with someone who was HIV+ when I was much younger. I was thinking how much I still regret my reaction at the time. There really was no judgement on my part.
 

IntoxicatingToxin

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I have a handful of close friends and one family member that is HIV+. Despite understand the disease and its transmission rather well, I think that HIV would most likely be a deal breaker for me. I would just be too afraid to take the risk. It doesn't mean I think any less of them as a person, it just isn't something I personally want to toy with.